Dear Alice - 1 Month

Dear Alice,

Yesterday you were exactly 1 month old! Where has this time gone? I cannot believe it was a month ago today that you arrived into the world, and changed our lives in every possible way for the better!

In the past month so much has changed, yet it feels like you've always been here and have always been part of our lives. In part I'm excited by how much you've grown in the last month, but I'm also terrified - I love you being so tiny and so dependent on us, and part of me wishes you could just stay so small forever!

At one month old:

- You now focus your eyes a lot more, and make eye contact with whoever is holding you or talking to you at that moment! You follow people or objects around the room (especially mummy!!) and seem quite alert and interested in the world - more so every day.

- Every day you are awake more and sleep slightly less in the day, seeming much more interested in cuddles, being awake, and food!

- I feel like we've finally got the hang of breastfeeding, after many ups and downs. I'm sure there will be a lot more to come, but it no longer hurts, and your latch is now spot on most of the time. You are a very hungry baby but you seem to be growing big and strong so that's fine by me! I have no idea how much you weigh at the moment but you are definitely growing.

- One of the ways we can tell you've grown - you're nearly out of your newborn clothes! That's so sad - you were barely in them 5 minutes! We can still fit in a few so we're mixing and matching with the 0-3 month clothes.

- We are now using cloth nappies all day, and still using disposables at night. We all seem to be loving the cloth nappies, and I definitely love the funky patterns! We're not using BTP nappies yet, just the small size ones. Favourite brands so far - definitely the Bum Genius AIO, followed by TotsBots Teenyfits. On daddy's suggestion we're trying cloth tonight so will keep the blog updated...

- Had sort of settled into a routine, but then have completely thrown it out the past few days! We'll see how you go - you're letting us know which routines work for you and that's fine by us.

- We both miss daddy every day when he's at work, and look forward to 5 when he comes home to give us both cuddles! It's so strange, I feel like we wake up in the morning, then 10 minutes later it's time for Mitch to come home - the day completely flies by and I have no idea where the time goes!

Finally, in just 1 month, neither of us can imagine life without you. You bring lots of sunshine into our lives, along with poo-y nappies and sicky shoulders :)

With love and light xo

Good news :)

A little announcement that Alice helped me make :)

With love and light xo

25 Days

I've not had chance to write part 2 on the birth story, but wanted to write a quick update!

We're all settling in to normal life now Mitch has gone back to work (last week). I think I had slightly unrealistic expectations of what I'd be able to do on maternity leave - I was determined I wouldn't sit on my bum watching Jezza Kyle and I'm beginning to realise that sometimes I'm going to have to do that for a big chunk of the day while Alice feeds!

At least for these first few weeks I'm lucky if I manage a shower and to eat lunch, but I'm sure it will get easier as we fall into a routine and she can go a little longer between feeds. Today I'm hoping to get into Mansfield for a wander round this afternoon, but I've learned I can't really plan anything at the moment - quite frustrating for a serial organiser such as myself!

The midwife came last Tuesday to weigh Alice and she'd put weight on to 8lb 7oz! That's half a pound in 5 days - fantastic weight gain! The midwife signed us off so she won't be weighed now until she's 8 weeks old, unless I go to any of the Surestart clinics.

We've had a few good nights and a few bad nights, we get up normally 3 times a night, but the thing that varies is normally how long she stays up for. The easy feeds we're up for 45 minutes, the hard ones could be a couple of hours.

She's certainly developing and changing a lot! Her eyes are beginning to focus and she'll look at people's faces / follow them if they move. She's more alert and spends much more time awake than she did at the beginning. She'll now sit awake and look around without crying, just quite content to be sat and being held. She loves cuddles, to be held, and loves being bounced and rocked.

Anyway, a few photos :)

With love and light xo

Birth Story - Part 1

So I've sat down to try and begin this many times over the past 3 weeks, and each time I'm not really sure where to start or what to write! Then a baby cries and I just end up leaving it for another day. However - the midwife came yesterday and took away my purple book that had all the details and notes in (they file it up at the hospital) so I realised I have to write things down now before I forget - especially as I now don't have that to remind me! So, it may not be the most eloquent entry in the world, but here's Part 1 of of Alice's birth...

The photo below was taken a few days before she was born, and is the last one taken of me pregnant, as I was painting the rocking chair in the garden! At this stage I couldn't really get up on my own, and felt a bit like the size of a house.

As I'd written in here, I'd not had any twinges or tightenings or pain beforehand. I think I had a few Braxton Hicks but even now I couldn't be sure they weren't strong kicks or her stretching -I certainly hadn't felt anything painful.

The day before her due date I went to lunch with Peter and Chloe and didn't really do a lot else - a little tidying and nesting but nothing out of the ordinary! I pretty much expected her to be late like most first babies are, so I wasn't expecting anything for a week or so. Everything was ready at home, I'd finally bought the last few bits and pieces, and Lola had returned from going missing. I was ready for a baby now.

Mitch was working late so came home at 10ish to me crashed out on the sofa, so we got ready for bed and stayed up talking a little about the baby. We talked about names again, and how baby should come tomorrow to show everyone how well behaved she was. Infact I wrote-

"Due date today. Feel free to be punctual baby :)

2:59 AM Apr 14th via Twitter for iPhone"

I did my usual third trimester routine of being awake for a few hours, then eventually fell back to sleep. I woke up at 5.30, then I felt something. It wasn't the big gush I'd seen in films, but I felt like I'd wet myself a little! I waited a few minutes, then when I was sure nudged Mitchell to tell him and wake him up. I felt so many things - excited, nervous, unsure, anxious.

I stumbled to the bathroom to sort myself out a little, then got back into bed. We stayed up a little chatting and I suggested we try and get a little more sleep, baby showing up could still take days! Mitch went back to sleep but I was far too excited - I wrote this blog entry which I decided not to post just yet:

"So my waters have broken! Not in a spectacular fashion unfortunately, but enough for me to be sure I haven't peed myself ;). Currently laying in bed trying to get some rest before anything else happens, but obviously far too excited! Not had any contractions or tightenings yet, but will call the labour ward in a few hours just to let them know.

Currently feeling - nervous...excited? Maybe anticipation? This completely just feels like the calm before the storm - I obviously knew this was going to happen eventually but seems a little more real now! I'm just hoping and praying for an uncomplicated birth, and a healthy beautiful little girl at the end :)

Could be days, could be this afternoon. At least baby has made a little effort on her due date!!

Wish me luck I suppose! Or break a leg or something?"

April 14th 5.45am

I gave up on sleeping just after 6, and got up and put the news on. I made some breakfast and just pottered round the house a little. I think I straightened my hair? I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time! I rung the labour ward as my waters had gone and they told me to come in just to be checked over. So about 7.30 we headed up to hospital.

I think at this point I also called my mum and let her know something was happening. I debated putting it on Twitter but kind of just wanted to be left to my own devices for a while!

I wasn't scared - more excited! I kept having to remind myself it could be days but I also somehow thought it wouldn't be.

We got to the hospital and went in a tiny room where they strapped me to a monitor and checked babies heartbeat / my heartbeat and detected if I was having any contractions. I had a few but could barely feel them, just a slight tightening that I barely noticed unless I was looking at the readings. We agreed an induction time of the next day, which I was desperate to avoid, and I was booked in for 11am.

A lovely midwife made me some aromatherapy oils to try and kick the contractions off naturally, and she gave me a few doses of these to put in the bath at home.

After about 30 minutes of monitoring we were sent on our way, and I was determined to get things started without needing induction! So that was how we spent our day...

Part 2 Soon - promise!

With love and light xo

With love and light xo

12 Days

I haven't forgotten about the blog, and I have about amillion and one things to say, but I just don't know how to write them down! The time is absolutely flying by, every time I look at the clock it's as if another day has passed and I have no idea how to slow it down. It's the scariest thing in the world, as I know I'm going to blink and she won't be this tiny little thing anymore.

The first 10 days of breastfeeding were / are incredibly difficult. I thought we'd cracked it a little more yesterday but we've had a very fussy and hungry baby today so I think saying we're doing well is a bad idea! I could literally not have carried on with feeding without Mitch's support - bringing me drinks and holding my hand when I was crying because it hurts, or because our little screaming baby won't latch despite the fact I know she's super hungry.

We really struggled between day 3/4 and day 8 - she wouldn't latch for an hour each time and we'd both be getting more and more upset, with her occasionally being passed to dad to calm down before we tried again. Knowing that she was hungry and that I wasn't able to feed her was killing me, but through a mix of expressing, technique, and perseverance we seem to be a little better now.

I think for me the hardest thing about breastfeeding is not knowing how much she's getting, or indeed if she's getting any at all. Especially on a day like today where she's feeding constantly - you can't help but doubt the quantity / quality. The health visitors coming tomorrow to weigh her and I'm dreading how much more weight she's lost. At 4 days she'd lost 4% (they allow up to 10%) so I'm hoping and praying she's not lost a lot more.

Add to this the mix of hormones and lack of sleep and new parent worries and breastfeeding becomes much more difficult than I ever imagined! However it's also amazing and perfect and the best thing in the world when it's going well. I'm also getting super strong arms which will be a bonus for climbing :P

Yesterday I also fed in public for the first time, in the middle of a park full of people! I was really scared / apprehensive, but when it came down to it she needed feeding and it didn't really even cross my mind until I was already doing it. My mum was with me and sort of covered me over with a blanket and sat next to me to shield me a bit, but no-one even looked up. I've also fed in front of lots of family members I didn't think I'd be able to, but the moment and feeling of embarrassment disappears as soon as she starts crying - she needs feeding and she is my priority!

I know I've just written an essay about boobzzz but that's pretty much all I am at the moment - food on legs! I just wanted to write about how hard it is, so hopefully other people can be prepared. But it's so worth it, don't let me put you off! And it's getting easier every day :)

Sleep wise we're doing okay, or as well as can be expected. For example, last night I was up 10.00 - 11.30, 1.00 - 2.30, 4.30 - 6 then up at 7.30. Trying to take naps in the day but that's tricky as I want to be able to do things and tidy and be a human being!

We've been really lucky to have had some beautiful sunshine this past few weeks, so even though we've not been able to go far, we've been aiming to have at least a little wander round the block every day - just to get some fresh air and make me feel a bit less like a prisoner! I'm loving pushing the pram around, and so far I only have good things to say about our pram - fully recommended so far!

I will get round to writing up my birth story soon, hopefully before I forget it! It may have to be written in parts though. I know this entry is long and boob related, but to summarise - we are all fine, Alice is beautiful, and we are all very much in love :).

With love and light xo

1 Week

Today my beautiful little girl is one week old. I've been thinking all week about what profound things I could write for my first blog entry, and how I could explain just how much my / our lives have changed in a week. I keep coming up blank.

She is so completely perfect in every single way. I love her so much it's actually quite scary - how are we possibly going to carry on with our lives without spending every second watching her? Listening to her breathing, stroking her hair, watching her perfect little lips purse and stroking her beautiful hair?

I've got so much to say I don't know where to start! I want to write about the hospital, about her birth and first few days and milestones, and I don't want to forget anything! But then I also don't want to spend my time writing about it - I want to live it and breathe it.

To summarise - the beautiful Alice Elizabeth was born at 9.52pm on the 14th April, weighing 7lb 14 oz.

We had the birth we wanted, and I fully intend to write up the birth story soon! A water birth, using the tens machine with a little gas and air towards the end, and she was perfect from the second she was born.

We're struggling with a lot of things, and sometimes it feels like this is an impossible task. We're persevering with breastfeeding, although we've had a few mini melt downs. Who'd have thought something so natural could be so difficult? I don't think I'll feel better about it till she starts gaining weight, which could be up to a month. It's completely not what I imagined but when it's going well it's amazing. When it's not going well it's impossible. We're taking every feed as it comes.

I literally could not have gotten through this past week without the support and help of Mitch - he is the most amazing daddy in the world, and has completely looked after us both all week. I didn't realise I could have so much love to share with daddy and baby!

I'll hopefully be able to blog a little more now I've got used to typing one handed!

With love and light xo

39+6 - Best / Worst - Third Trimester

Okay, so seeing as though I am officialy cooked tomorrow, I'm going to do my summary of the best and worst things about the third trimester. Click for the first trimester and second trimester! I'm hoing to carry on with these best and worst things when baby is here, maybe every 3 months or so? We will see!

The Worst Things

1. Painful / uncomfortable kicks. No-one really mentions quite how uncomfortable kicks and movements can become, especially at 3am when the baby has decided that your ribs are actually quite a nice place for kicking away, and repeatedly kicking the same place is a very good idea! I had a few really sore / almost bruised patches from when she kept kicking away and it brought me almost to tears on a few occasions. Still, I put movements in the best list too so they can't be that bad!

2. Lack of sleep. This is obviously a hugely negative factor, as you're so tired and achey and fed up and all you want to do is sleep, but it seems to completely evade you. You also want to punch the next person who tells you it's "just practice for when baby is here", no matter how right they might be! How much practice of sleep deprivation do you really need? I wish I could nap in the day, as that would make everything much better. I need to work on this skill for when she is here I think...

3. Size. During the third trimester, down to your physical size, you become unable to do certain things, or roll over without making noises like a strained elderly lady. You can't bend down without considering it a military operation, and you consider installing a hoist to aid bath time. I am most looking forward to putting my shoes on without leaning against a wall.

This probably isn't helped by the fact that I am no good at asking for help, and just like to do things myself. Slip on shoes have helped a lot - good job I love Vans.

4. Clothes. I know this is incredibly vain, but I am so incredibly fed up with wearing the same things day in day out! I have tried to save money by not really buying a lot of maternity clothes, but now they're just all falling to pieces and I'm so fed up of the same 5 tops and the same pair of jeans - I just want to wear normal person clothes again!

5. Waiting. And waiting... And waiting some more...

You know this huge thing is going to happen soon and change your life forever, but you're just sat around watching Jezza and waiting for something to happen! It's a very strange feeling, just like you're completely stuck in an interim stage where not really anything has changed just that you've had a few weeks off work and got a bit fat.

The Best Things

1. Finishing work. I worked till 36/37 weeks and I made the right call. I was really starting to struggle, partly due to lack of sleep and partly due to back and hip pain. In the last week I was coming home in tears, and just physically couldn't have worked another week. Complete hats off to the ladies who manage to work until due date - I would not have been able to!

2. Maternity leave. Kind of a continuation of the above point, but maternity leave is lovely! Especially when there are no pesky babies getting in the way of your Grey's Anatomy marathon...

3. Excitement! I didn't think I could possibly get any more excited, but how wrong was I. She has a name and a bed and some sheets and everything, (apart from a swimming poncho and smoking jacket / beret as Chloe keeps pointing out :P) and we are all so excited to meet her and give her cuddles and just learn everything we can about this tiny person! Who is she going to look like? Is she going to be ginger?

4. Attention. Getting all the attention without anyone else stealing it is awesome ;)

5. Movements. I know I've listed kicks in the worst things, but they're also incredible and amazing to feel and just know that you are growing a little person who is kicking away to let you know all is okay. I will miss them when they're gone, and miss this incredible closeness we currently share.

6. Preperation. Feeling much more prepared, having tiny clothes folded away in tiny drawers and just feeling a lot more in control. I'm sure this feeling is only temporary, and as soon as she arrives I'll feel like the most underprepared person in the world!

7. Babies. And obviously the best thing about the third trimester is that soon enough, I'm going to have a baby! How awesome is that?!

In all seriousness, I wanted to write this before she came and I completely forgot all about my pregnancy and how I felt. It has been an incredible 9 months, and we are so lucky that everything has been pretty straightforward up until now, and I just hope we are as lucky with the birth and meeting our beautiful little girl! Who seems pretty content in staying put for another two weeks... sigh!

If anyone has any questions to ask me while I'm still preggerz, write them below and I'll try and answer to the best of my ability!

With love and light xo

39+5 - Letter from Grandad

Not a lot to write about I'm afraid! I've had a few tightenings over the past few days which I presume are / were braxton hicks, but they weren't painful or uncomfortable. Other than that nothing! I've been a little uncomfortable and achey, but I think that's largely been down to doing too much walking. Not due for another 2 days, but still sort of sat around waiting.

I opened my email today to find this lovely email from my dad. I'm trying as hard as I can!!! :P

"Dear Lizz,

After due consideration, I have decided that today is a good day to have a baby.

It would give us a little time to indulge in a few cuddles and kisses prior to going on holiday with a clear conscience and no worries.

Furthermore I would be able to play darts tomorrow and I have nothing else booked in at this stage for this evening.

If you are coming round for tea tonight, please feel free to finish your meal before getting stuck into the matter at hand. (Have a word with ***babies name removed!!*** please)

Looking forward to your response.

Best Regards,

Neil"

39+3 - Bump Photo

Only one more space on the photo grid, hopefully to be filled with a picture of me and baby! Click here to see them all in order :)

With love and light xo