Birth Story - Part 3

I've finally sat down to hopefully write the last part of the birth! Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2. I wish Mitch was here to pick his brains, as I keep forgetting things - I wish I still had my birth notes but I'll try my best!

So I'd arrived back at home for about 6.30, but was struggling with the pain at this point. We ran another bath, which I jumped into and continued to focus on my breathing and relaxing. I used my Hypnobirth visualisations, and sort of went into my own world. I remember being incredibly thirsty, but unable to drink without feeling sick, so I munched on ice to cool me down and try and quench my thirst.

Mitch sat with me in the bathroom, but there wasn't really a lot he could do - I didn't want to be spoken to or touched, but having water poured over me during contractions still seemed to help. I listened to Death Cab and focused on getting through each pain, but still felt really disheartened by the fact this could be going all night.

At one point something just snapped and I couldn't be in the bath anymore. I jumped out, then back in, then out again. Nothing felt right. I lay on the bed eating ice, then leaned against the walls, then got back in the bath.

I couldn't stay still, and had completely lost the ability to relax my muscles during contractions. I was trying not to tighten my hands and face but with each contraction I was trying my hardest not to scream or shout out, and just focus on breathing and counting. I was sick a few times, and just felt awful - so warm and incredibly uncomfortable.

With hindsight, this time was probably transition, but I didn't know that at the time. If I'd known I was near the end it would have probably made everything a little more bearable. Actually, probably not! It was difficult, and I think Mitch struggled with feeling a little useless. I'd gone from being able to cope and breathe and laugh in the gaps between contractions, to literally clawing at the walls and trying not to shout out in pain.

I can't remember if it was me or Mitch who suggested it, but about 8.00 we decided to head to the hospital. I literally chucked on some jogging bottoms and a top and ran out the house, knowing I was contracting every 2 / 3 minutes for about 45 seconds, so would have to contract in the car. Being strapped into the seatbelt made everything so much worse - it felt like someone was holding me down and pushing me back when all I wanted to do was stretch and move. The 10 minute car ride seemed to take an hour, with every red light seeming to conspire against us.

We parked up, and I remember that between the car and the hospital entrance I had 2 contractions - a space of about 150m? I knew that if I wasn't further along than I'd be begging for drugs - something I'd never wanted, but I was losing the ability to cope. I had a contraction in the hospital lobby, and some people were asking if I needed a wheelchair. I remember thinking that I didn't have time for them to muck about getting a chair, so I literally ran for the lift to the labour ward.

When we arrived I was shown into the same room as before, but it was no longer a relaxing environment. I was sick some more, and the midwife asked to examine me. I couldn't bare the thought of staying still, but I needed to know if I was any closer. Thankfully, I was 7cm/8cm. Mitch rang my mum to come, and I was offered some gas and air.

The gas and air was bittersweet - it didn't seem to make thing less painful, just made me less aware in a drunken way. I hated the way it made me feel - I wasn't focused and I was less in control. But it allowed me to carry on - and I was still able to count and visualise. I kept asking them about the birthing pool, as I was desperate to get back in the water. They'd been filling it up, but it took 20 minutes to do so. I was focused on getting in the pool - I knew how much the water had helped with the contractions before. Mitch went to get bags from the car, and my mum arrived and began rubbing my back which helped a lot.

Literally 1 minute after Mitch had left the room I knew I was pushing. It wasn't something I was choosing to do, it was something my body was doing whether I liked it or not. I tried not to, but I wasn't really the one making the decisions, and my body had taken over.

I think midwives came in at this point, but I have no idea how many people or who was in the room at this point! I was just concentrating on breathing and rocking. Breathing. Rocking. Counting.

They finished filling the pool about 9.30 (I think?) and I jumped in as quickly as possible. Immediately it felt better, but I also knew that this baby was coming now. I stopped using the gas and air, and focused completely on pushing. Strangely, I found this part a lot easier than the contractions - it gave me something to focus on and the pain was much more concentrated rather than being a whole body pain.

After a little while (maybe 15 minutes? Will have to ask!) of pushing, her head crowned. I reached down and touched her, and knew she would be born soon. On the next contraction, I reached down, and caught my beautiful baby girl.

I pulled her onto my chest, and looked into her beautiful eyes for the first time. I looked at her lovely curly hair, and her beautiful fingers and toes. Immediately all the pain melted away, and I knew that in that moment we were the luckiest people in the world.

(I've obviously edited the pictures to make them internet appropriate!)

Alice Elizabeth arrived at 9.52, and we stayed in the pool for about 30 minutes after. We had our first feed, and lots of closeness.

Eventually I walked over to the bed, and Alice was taken to be weighed and checked over. She was 7lb 14oz of perfection! Mitch also managed to get his first cuddle with his little girl.

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Eventually we were taken down to the ward, where I had a lovely section all to myself for the duration of my stay in hospital!

I have only positive things to say about my birth. I found the Hypnobirthing techniques, and the birth affirmations mp3 to be incredibly helpful. I knew that my body could do this, and I could cope without intervention. I was able to stay calm, and focused, and let my body do all the hard work. I found the water birth experience to be amazing, and being able to deliver her myself was incredible.

I know I was incredibly lucky with my birth and labour, but the most lucky to have met my amazing little girl.

With love and light xo

I'm obviously a girl...

With love and light xo

6 Weeks

Alice is now over 6 weeks old, and a lot has happened in the past few weeks! These past few days she has just started with a few little smiles - daddy was the first to see one of these but she's flashed a few more over the weekend. She has a beautiful smile, and it just makes everything in the world light up! Although I'm obviously going to think that.

She's much more alert, and is constantly looking round and taking in the sights and sounds around her. When we're out in the pram she sometimes cries, just because she can't see the world! She makes eye contact with everyone, and follows faces and voices round the room.

We had a lovely day out last weekend to Newstead Abbey, to look round the gardens and have a walk in the sunshine! It's so nice to be able to get out and about a little more now, especially as a little family. It's getting easier to go out now I'm more confident with breastfeeding, as having to time everything round feeds and sleep was proving difficult! Over the past week she has fed in Newstead Abbey, 2 pubs and a garden centre! No negativity as of yet, and each time I'm becoming a little braver I think. I'm determined that I'm not going to stay in the house all the time, so this needs to be done.

A few snaps from Newstead -

We're still getting on well with the cloth nappies, and have now managed to start using these at night time too. We both seem to favour the Bum Genius nappies, so I'm glad I mostly got these. I'm really glad we decided to use cloth - they look so comfy and squidgy! I realised I had no photos of little one in the nappies, so here is her in an Itti Bitti Snap-In-One -

I just cannot believe how big she is getting. She is being weighed on Thursday by the health visitor, so we'll see how much weight she's actually put on. She's out of all her newborn clothes now, and nearly out of some of her 0-3 month clothes!

Finally, a big congratulations to Charlotte and Holly on the birth of their lovely little girls, we are all so lucky :)

With love and light xo

Birth Story - Part 2

Okay, so I'd written Part 1 here, and I realised I'd only thought about writing Part 2, and never actually got round to it! So here it is. This may be part 2 of 3, depending on how fussy the baby is in the next half an hour...

At about 9am we arrived home from being checked at the hospital, back to our empty house. As I mentioned before it seemed quite surreal, as we knew everything was imminent yet it all seemed to be hours, days, even years away. I looked round the house and tidied and pottered, but failed to be able to imagine a tiny little person being brought back here!

I got in bed for a while, and listened to the hypnobirth CD a few times, and the birth affirmations mp3 which I found really helpful. Hypnobirth isn't about hypnotising yourself, just reassuring your body that you can do this, and trying to stay calm. I drifted in and out of sleep, listening to the tracks on repeat and trying to take it all in.

I got up and tried to nap on the sofa while Mitch played some PS3, but Lola joined me for a little cuddle and I occupied myself on the internet, browsing blogs and Babycentre. The thing that worried me most was being induced - I was determined to try and have as natural a birth as possible, and I knew that being induced the next morning increased my chances of having a longer labour, a harder labour, and increased my risk of interventions and drugs. I decided that after lunch, Operation Evict Baby must begin! The birth ball came down and I started bouncing.

Mitch headed out to find us some snacks for lunch, and to pack a few last minute hospital bag snacks. At this point, we still thought I'd be stuck at the hospital for hours / days in labour, and between us we'd pretty much packed a picnic! I also really fancied birthday cake for some reason, and what better day to have birthday cake then when you're going to give birth?!

While on the sofa I had a few tightenings, which I weren't sure if they were contractions or not. I had achey joints and an achey back, so decided to run a bath with some of the oils given to me by the midwife to naturally induce labour. I figured at the very least I'd have a lovely bath - nothing to lose there!! So we ran a lovely warm bath, and poured in the aromatherapy oils, they smelled lovely but I wasn't particularly convinced they would do anything.

Either by coincidence or science, as soon as I was in the bath my contractions started properly. This was about 2.30, I only know this from looking at the tags on the photos. At first they were just a little uncomfortable, and quite interesting to watch - I could see my stomach change shape and become harder as they happened. Then they became more uncomfortable. I listened to Rilo Kiley while Mitch sat and talked to me - with each contraction he poured water on my stomach as that seemed to help distract from the discomfort.

I spent an hour or so in the bath, then decided to get out and see if the contractions carried on or stopped. They carried on, so Mitch put on the TENS machine for me to give me something else to focus on. I have no concept of time at this point, but I think I spent the next few hours bouncing on the ball while we timed my contractions.

About 5pm, my mum came down to see us, and we decided that since my contractions were every 3 minutes apart we should head up to the hospital. Just me and Mitch headed up to be checked out, and I remember the car ride being hell. I was so used to being able to move and bounce and flex with contractions that being strapped down was a nightmare. This made me much more determined to try and avoid being induced, where I could end up be monitored and strapped down.

I was able to use my hypnobirth techniques to breathe and relax through the contractions, but they were now painful, and I was dreading each one. I was focused on the fact that each contraction was 1 closer to meeting baby, and 1 less I'd have to go through.

The midwife admitted me to a room and checked me over - I was only 2cm dilated (you have to be 10!). Gutted doesn't even describe how I felt, as pains were still coming every 3 minutes, lasting about 45 seconds. I kept apologising to the midwife, I felt like a complete wuss for coming in. She told me to come back the next morning to be induced if nothing more had happened, and just to try and get some sleep.

Feeling a bit down, we headed to my mums and passed on the news. I'd resigned myself to being in it for the long haul, so I tried to eat some tea. As the contractions got worse, I became quieter and more focused on relaxing. With each contraction I counted, knowing that by the time I got to 100 I wouldn't be in pain any more. I breathed with the counting, and made sure my hands and face were relaxed.

I couldn't cope with people talking and being around me any more, so we headed for home, probably about 7ish. From here to the actual birth everything is sort of a blur to me.

Right, Alice is crying so I'll leave it there for now! Part 3 to follow some time in the next week. Promise.

With love and light xo

Photo

Dear Alice - 1 Month

Dear Alice,

Yesterday you were exactly 1 month old! Where has this time gone? I cannot believe it was a month ago today that you arrived into the world, and changed our lives in every possible way for the better!

In the past month so much has changed, yet it feels like you've always been here and have always been part of our lives. In part I'm excited by how much you've grown in the last month, but I'm also terrified - I love you being so tiny and so dependent on us, and part of me wishes you could just stay so small forever!

At one month old:

- You now focus your eyes a lot more, and make eye contact with whoever is holding you or talking to you at that moment! You follow people or objects around the room (especially mummy!!) and seem quite alert and interested in the world - more so every day.

- Every day you are awake more and sleep slightly less in the day, seeming much more interested in cuddles, being awake, and food!

- I feel like we've finally got the hang of breastfeeding, after many ups and downs. I'm sure there will be a lot more to come, but it no longer hurts, and your latch is now spot on most of the time. You are a very hungry baby but you seem to be growing big and strong so that's fine by me! I have no idea how much you weigh at the moment but you are definitely growing.

- One of the ways we can tell you've grown - you're nearly out of your newborn clothes! That's so sad - you were barely in them 5 minutes! We can still fit in a few so we're mixing and matching with the 0-3 month clothes.

- We are now using cloth nappies all day, and still using disposables at night. We all seem to be loving the cloth nappies, and I definitely love the funky patterns! We're not using BTP nappies yet, just the small size ones. Favourite brands so far - definitely the Bum Genius AIO, followed by TotsBots Teenyfits. On daddy's suggestion we're trying cloth tonight so will keep the blog updated...

- Had sort of settled into a routine, but then have completely thrown it out the past few days! We'll see how you go - you're letting us know which routines work for you and that's fine by us.

- We both miss daddy every day when he's at work, and look forward to 5 when he comes home to give us both cuddles! It's so strange, I feel like we wake up in the morning, then 10 minutes later it's time for Mitch to come home - the day completely flies by and I have no idea where the time goes!

Finally, in just 1 month, neither of us can imagine life without you. You bring lots of sunshine into our lives, along with poo-y nappies and sicky shoulders :)

With love and light xo

Good news :)

A little announcement that Alice helped me make :)

With love and light xo

25 Days

I've not had chance to write part 2 on the birth story, but wanted to write a quick update!

We're all settling in to normal life now Mitch has gone back to work (last week). I think I had slightly unrealistic expectations of what I'd be able to do on maternity leave - I was determined I wouldn't sit on my bum watching Jezza Kyle and I'm beginning to realise that sometimes I'm going to have to do that for a big chunk of the day while Alice feeds!

At least for these first few weeks I'm lucky if I manage a shower and to eat lunch, but I'm sure it will get easier as we fall into a routine and she can go a little longer between feeds. Today I'm hoping to get into Mansfield for a wander round this afternoon, but I've learned I can't really plan anything at the moment - quite frustrating for a serial organiser such as myself!

The midwife came last Tuesday to weigh Alice and she'd put weight on to 8lb 7oz! That's half a pound in 5 days - fantastic weight gain! The midwife signed us off so she won't be weighed now until she's 8 weeks old, unless I go to any of the Surestart clinics.

We've had a few good nights and a few bad nights, we get up normally 3 times a night, but the thing that varies is normally how long she stays up for. The easy feeds we're up for 45 minutes, the hard ones could be a couple of hours.

She's certainly developing and changing a lot! Her eyes are beginning to focus and she'll look at people's faces / follow them if they move. She's more alert and spends much more time awake than she did at the beginning. She'll now sit awake and look around without crying, just quite content to be sat and being held. She loves cuddles, to be held, and loves being bounced and rocked.

Anyway, a few photos :)

With love and light xo

Birth Story - Part 1

So I've sat down to try and begin this many times over the past 3 weeks, and each time I'm not really sure where to start or what to write! Then a baby cries and I just end up leaving it for another day. However - the midwife came yesterday and took away my purple book that had all the details and notes in (they file it up at the hospital) so I realised I have to write things down now before I forget - especially as I now don't have that to remind me! So, it may not be the most eloquent entry in the world, but here's Part 1 of of Alice's birth...

The photo below was taken a few days before she was born, and is the last one taken of me pregnant, as I was painting the rocking chair in the garden! At this stage I couldn't really get up on my own, and felt a bit like the size of a house.

As I'd written in here, I'd not had any twinges or tightenings or pain beforehand. I think I had a few Braxton Hicks but even now I couldn't be sure they weren't strong kicks or her stretching -I certainly hadn't felt anything painful.

The day before her due date I went to lunch with Peter and Chloe and didn't really do a lot else - a little tidying and nesting but nothing out of the ordinary! I pretty much expected her to be late like most first babies are, so I wasn't expecting anything for a week or so. Everything was ready at home, I'd finally bought the last few bits and pieces, and Lola had returned from going missing. I was ready for a baby now.

Mitch was working late so came home at 10ish to me crashed out on the sofa, so we got ready for bed and stayed up talking a little about the baby. We talked about names again, and how baby should come tomorrow to show everyone how well behaved she was. Infact I wrote-

"Due date today. Feel free to be punctual baby :)

2:59 AM Apr 14th via Twitter for iPhone"

I did my usual third trimester routine of being awake for a few hours, then eventually fell back to sleep. I woke up at 5.30, then I felt something. It wasn't the big gush I'd seen in films, but I felt like I'd wet myself a little! I waited a few minutes, then when I was sure nudged Mitchell to tell him and wake him up. I felt so many things - excited, nervous, unsure, anxious.

I stumbled to the bathroom to sort myself out a little, then got back into bed. We stayed up a little chatting and I suggested we try and get a little more sleep, baby showing up could still take days! Mitch went back to sleep but I was far too excited - I wrote this blog entry which I decided not to post just yet:

"So my waters have broken! Not in a spectacular fashion unfortunately, but enough for me to be sure I haven't peed myself ;). Currently laying in bed trying to get some rest before anything else happens, but obviously far too excited! Not had any contractions or tightenings yet, but will call the labour ward in a few hours just to let them know.

Currently feeling - nervous...excited? Maybe anticipation? This completely just feels like the calm before the storm - I obviously knew this was going to happen eventually but seems a little more real now! I'm just hoping and praying for an uncomplicated birth, and a healthy beautiful little girl at the end :)

Could be days, could be this afternoon. At least baby has made a little effort on her due date!!

Wish me luck I suppose! Or break a leg or something?"

April 14th 5.45am

I gave up on sleeping just after 6, and got up and put the news on. I made some breakfast and just pottered round the house a little. I think I straightened my hair? I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time! I rung the labour ward as my waters had gone and they told me to come in just to be checked over. So about 7.30 we headed up to hospital.

I think at this point I also called my mum and let her know something was happening. I debated putting it on Twitter but kind of just wanted to be left to my own devices for a while!

I wasn't scared - more excited! I kept having to remind myself it could be days but I also somehow thought it wouldn't be.

We got to the hospital and went in a tiny room where they strapped me to a monitor and checked babies heartbeat / my heartbeat and detected if I was having any contractions. I had a few but could barely feel them, just a slight tightening that I barely noticed unless I was looking at the readings. We agreed an induction time of the next day, which I was desperate to avoid, and I was booked in for 11am.

A lovely midwife made me some aromatherapy oils to try and kick the contractions off naturally, and she gave me a few doses of these to put in the bath at home.

After about 30 minutes of monitoring we were sent on our way, and I was determined to get things started without needing induction! So that was how we spent our day...

Part 2 Soon - promise!

With love and light xo