Exciting News...

I'm pregnant! I just want to shout it from the rooftops - how exciting is that?

And also completely terrifying at the same time. How on earth did I think I would ever be able to cope with two when I can sometimes barely cope with one?!

How am I ever going to love anyone the same as I love Alice? Is there a finite amount of love?

Will Alice miss out? Will I be a worse mother? Will I ever shower again??

But mostly we are ridiculously excited. We are so lucky to have such a brilliant little girl, who will make the best big sister.

From what I can work out, I'm due late August / Early September. So far I've been feeling sick, tired, and a little achy - but I think that's mostly from running round a lot over Christmas. The sickness hasn't hit properly yet, so hoping that will keep away until after Amsterdam.

We've told all grandparents, and decided not to keep it a secret until 12 weeks this time, so just tell people when we see them. However I'm not going to put anything online for a few weeks, I'll write stuff then post it all later. Sorry blog!

Mitch is calling the baby Odin. Not. A. Chance.

The best Christmas present ever! :)

With love and light xo

16+6 - Best / Worst - First Trimester

This has been inspired by an email to a pregnant friend (hi!). My opinion on the best / worst things about the First Trimester - I'll try and do this for the second and third too!

Worst things about the First Trimester:

1. Nausea. I hate hate hate feeling sick, especially when it ruins my appetite. I love food so much, and not being able to eat is the worst kind of torture to me!

2. Vomiting. This is a separate point to nausea because actually being sick is horrible. However pregnancy has helped me get over my fear of vomiting – a bonus I guess? Vomiting also feels like the biggest waste of time in the world, as in "Why on earth did I bother to eat breakfast?"

3. Tiredness. Wanting to go to bed at 6.30 does not lead to a rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. Lots of bed, cats and Grey’s Anatomy! Wanting to have an afternoon nap is not enjoyable when you’re at work.

4. Gas pain. I never thought I’d be blogging about gas, but the pain!! And feeling like a human balloon is quite unpleasant.

5. Isolation. Feeling like you have this amazing secret, yet you’re completely alone because no-one can know. Wanting to scream it from the rooftops, yet being terrified in case it all goes wrong.

However, best things about the First Trimster:

1. The secret. Although you can feel completely isolated, the fact that you have this incredible secret that no-one in the world knows just makes you feel amazing! Every time you talk to someone you have this secret smile, knowing that you’re doing this amazing thing!

2. First scan. I was lucky (I guess?!) to have scans at 6 weeks, 8 weeks and 12 weeks, but the first time you see your little baby on the screen is just an incredible thing. I expected to be overcome with emotion (I cry at adverts!) but instead I thought it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

3. Miracle. The fact that your body is performing this small miracle, and no matter how sick or rubbish you feel, your body is just producing this little person from nothingness!

4. Thin person clothes. Still being able to wear normal clothes! In hindsight I didn’t appreciate this at all, but I’m only 16 weeks now and already missing my favourite jeans!

5. Baby. And finally, the fact that you are having a baby! If this isn’t the most amazing thing about pregnancy I don’t know what is. Being able to dream and imagine and guess all about this tiny little person is just an incredible feeling.

At the end of the day, it's the most amazing thing in the world, but everyone needs to moan!!

With love and light xo

12+5 - Scan Photo

Had my scan today! I was terrified but turns out for no reason whatsoever :). Cupcake was kicking and pushing, and it was just incredible. AND I didn't even cry! Saw hands and feet and it was just lovely. Measured 64mm which moved me ahead 4 days to 12 + 5, and changed my due date to 14th April!

Bean wouldn't cooperate and spin so we saw a lot of the back of the head! But had all measurements taken and was just a lovely experience. Plus it means I now qualify for the HIP grant of £190!

Just on cloud 9 really, soooo happy and overwhelmed! Can now also tell everyone which is just amazing.

Will update more, just wanted to get this down.

With love and light xo

11+4 - Dreams

I’m so fed up of these horrible dreams! Last night I repeatedly dreamed that I / my baby was killed or taken away in a ridiculous way. Last night involved vampires, werewolves, killer cats, and just average thugs. Stupid overactive imagination.

Mitch was climbing last night so I had a PJ, blanket and Project Runway night – bliss! Ended up with two cats curled up on me which never fails to be ridiculously cute. Bedtime was about 9pm. I am such a loser.

Still feeling sick. Still struggling to eat. Blergh! Please hurry up 2nd trimester where I can eat at all times of the day *fingers crossed*.

Nothing else to report. 4 days till scan.

With love and light xo

11+3 - Nervous

I've been a little quiet on the blog front for a few days, but I've just been quite busy with work! And to be honest, a little apprehensive about the 12 week scan. I'm kind of banning myself from reading horror stories until afterwards now, as they stick in your head and play on your mind all night.

At the weekend I drove to Cornwall and back to see my oldest friend graduate. It was fantastic to see everyone, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, but I was sooooo tired. It took 9 hours to drive down due to traffic on the M5, and I drove down straight from work, meaning we didn’t arrive until 2am. Also drove on the creepiest roads in the world – I was so thankful not to be alone! Jess’ graduation was amazing though, on the cliff in Plymouth looking out to sea. Everyone that graduated got their name rated for baby appropriateness but no-one passed my stringent testing! Luckily only took 5 hours to drive back so a much more pleasant drive, with no falling asleep that time either.

All seems to be well with baby - aka Babo, Flump, Bean, Bump! Been feeling super tired all week, I think a mix of Cornwall, work, worry and baby. Been sleeping a lot better though and managing to actually sleep through with only waking up a few times. Thought I was past the sickness stage but had a bit of a relapse this week and gone back to not being able to eat / look at food / think about food without vomiting! Seems to only be mornings and evenings though so luckily (really?) I’m okay at work. Aching seems to have also stopped this week!

I can no longer do up any of my work trousers, but I’ve been saved by the wonder of ASDA bump bands! They’re like thick strips of elastic, that go over your bump (or tub in my case!) and the tops of your trousers so you can leave your trousers undone, they don’t fall down and no-one can tell! £8 for 2, so hoping I can get by with these for a few weeks / months. I do have a pair of maternity jeans that I bought in the sale with my birthday money but not had to use really yet.

I am literally dying to tell everyone now. The novelty of having a secret has worn off, and every day I’m surprised that I’ve got home without telling the world! Consequently by the time I get home I’m about ready to explode and just blab about baby stuff for an hour to Mitchell. I just want everyone to know so I can talk about it constantly!! I’m going to tell grandparents / family this weekend, so by the time I’ve had my scan on Tuesday the whole world can know and I can stop hiding. The question is – to Facebook or not to Facebook?!

I keep being asked if I think it’s a boy or a girl and honestly I have no idea. I think after the 12 week scan I’m going to start some kind of voting thing on here so I can get opinions!

This week I have took pictures, but Mitch’s camera seems to be having an off week and consequently all the pictures (loads!) are blurry! So I’m going to wait till 12 weeks and just miss a week early on. Hoping to get my SLR back this weekend so I’ll just use that instead.

I guess that's it for baby news at the moment! It's hard to write in here when I know that so few people are reading, but I want to make it public soon anyway. And I just want to keep a record of how amazing growing a baby is :).

With love and light xo

10+4 - Midwife

So, yesterday I had my first midwife appointment! I was a little nervous, even though I knew she wouldn’t be able to check baby / heartbeat or anything. I’d just got it into my head that I’d turn up and she’d either be horrid, or tell me I wasn’t actually pregnant at all. I know I’m silly. Anyway, she was lovely and I felt comfortable round her straight away. I know she more than likely won’t be with it throughout, but I at least have her for the next few appointments.

We talked through any family history or any previous illnesses etc. Was nice to be able to say no to everything and go through it all nice and quickly, reminds me how lucky I am with my health. She weighed me (eek!), took my height and blood pressure, plus about twenty vials of blood leaving me with an attractive blue bruise. I thought M was going to pass out when I had my blood taken, further reminding me just how useless he will actually be at the main event! (Love you though x :P)

We were there for about an hour, going through the whole process and how often I will see her. My next appointment isn’t until 16 weeks, but my 12 week scan was booked for the 5th October. A week on Tuesday! Excited would be an understatement – I am bouncing off the walls.

So all in all, yesterday was a lovely day. I’m trying not to moan too much about pregnancy symptoms but I feel generally a bit down today. I’ve not slept for more than a few hours all week, and I just keep waking up in pain / to gag or just feel awful. I’m trying to stay positive but I really don’t cope well at all with lack of sleep. Today I just feel like I’ve been dredged up from the swamps and dressed like a human! Really looking forward to sleeping again, and feeling like a normal human being that can eat food at any time of the day, without having to consider if I’ll be sick. I hate moaning, but it’s so difficult to not get down about everything when it all seems so overwhelming.

Anyway, I’m lucky to have my health, and an amazingly supportive boyfriend! I think I’ll leave it there for now.

With love and light xo

10+2 - Aches

Damn, yesterday I spoke to soon - had a bowl of cornflakes this morning and proceeded to throw it all back up, plus my pint of orange juice – yum! However I was sat there with a smile on my face thinking – at least this is baby! Pregnancy makes you look at things in a very strange way…

Also had hip / knee / joint aches for the past few days which have been very frustrating. I’ve been trying to avoid tablets but I’ve taken one before work for the past few days just to take the edge off a little. I feel like my body is failing me! Also completely fed up of this lack of sleep. I’m so used to sleeping well and I guess I kind of took it for granted.

Midwife tomorrow though – hopefully will be able to ask her about paracetamol etc. No idea the kind of information she’s going to ask, or if it will be 5 mins or 45 minutes! Guess we’ll see tomorrow. Going straight back to work afterwards so hopefully she doesn’t take a pint of blood and make me pass out. Having a word with my boss later about the pregnancy which I’m more than a little nervous about.

In none baby related news I have no boiler! We thought just the on / off switch was broken as you had to hold it down to have any hot water, but when we fitted the new switch (£40!) it’s now not working at all. Hopefully having a plumber coming to look at it over the next few days to see if it can be an easy fix / faulty switch and if not we may have to call the gas board. Bad timing – but I suppose it can’t be helped.

This entry might sound very negative but I’m not – actually feeling super positive today! Everything will all work out, and the annoying symptoms are just a drop in the ocean compared to how lucky we are :)

With love and light xo

10+1 - Back To Reality

Back to proper teaching work this week, with students in and everything! All this is making me very tired – I can barely keep my eyes open by the time 2 rolls round. I’m looking forward to my 2nd trimester energy boost and I want it now! Also having very fitful and disturbed sleep – most likely due to worrying about work but I guess that could also be pregnancy. Having incredibly surreal dreams, lots involving spiders. Does this mean I’m having a spider?

Bean is apparently 2 inches now – which seems huge! Still can’t tell if I have bump or just podge from stopping climbing / eating whatever I feel like. I don’t want to become the size of a house but I also can only face certain food. Keep meaning to go swimming after work but really struggling with motivation – just soooo sleepy.

I don’t want to sound like I’m moaning – just want to keep a record of these things. I know how incredibly lucky we are! Sickness has pretty much stopped all together, feel slightly nauseas occasionally but nowhere near as bad. This still worries me but I think I’m always going to worry about something.

Still not thinking of names but a few have burrowed into my head. Only girls though, if it’s a boy it’s just not having a name. Or I’ll let M name it…

With love and light xo

10 - Bump Photo

10 weeks today! First picture - pretty sure it's just podge so I'm a little nervous to post. Back to proper work - tired and having tummy aches. Midwife soon so looking forward to that. Will update properly soon!

With love and light xo

9+4 - Worry!

So today I’ve woken up, and I don’t feel sick. I managed to eat a whole bowl of cereal without gagging. I managed to scrape things into the bin without gagging. I drove all the way to work without having to pull over. I thought I’d be celebrating, but instead I can’t stop convincing myself something’s wrong! I just want to have my scan and be reassured that everything’s okay. I don’t want to worry so much!

Watched “Cherry Has A Baby” last night and ended up crying several times! There was an amazing lady having a waterbirth using hypnobirthing techniques and she just had such a calm and relaxed birth. After a bit of research, I think it’s something I’d really like to look into, after realising it’s not really about the kind of hypnosis I imagined! I also think I’d really like to have a water birth – it’s something I need to look into at the hospital and see whether it’s something I could have there or at home.

One of the first lines from the show was “My name’s Cherry, and I got pregnant on the coil.” This seems to be everywhere now! I did a little more research last night, but my theory is that obviously people aren’t going to write about their coil working perfectly, so the results on the internet are rather skewed to reflect coil failure.

Had another deep sleep last night with crazy dreams – they seem to be much clearer than ever before. Last night was spiders and witches and holes in the ground! Spent some time reading through the baby names app on my phone before I went to bed and another name jumped out at me, but still have to run it past M. I have a feeling that he’ll hate it but I dreamed about it all night. I’m trying not to think about names till 20 weeks but it’s so difficult! I end up reading names on all the titles of TV shows and running them all through my mind. So far I like a grand total of 0 boys names, and a small handfull of girls names.

Finding writing in the blog very theraputic, so will hopefully carry on doing this. I don't know how much time I'll get when work kicks back in but we will see!

With love and light xo

9+3 - Introduction

Okay, so I’ve decided that I want some kind of record of this time in my life. I was trying super hard to wait until 12 weeks to start writing about it, but I just don’t want to forget all this feelings and thoughts I’m going through at the moment! I know how briefly these experiences will be around, and how fleeting these moments will be, so I want to try and keep a journal.

A brief introduction – my names Lizz and I’m 22. I live in Nottinghamshire, in a lovely little flat with my boyfriend and 2 kitty cats. They are amazing little fluff balls and I love them entirely! Obviously also love my fantastic boyfriend, who is incredibly supportive, funny and kind. :)

So I suppose now would be a good time to catch up with where I am now:

In August, I was a few days late. Without being too TMI about the whole thing, my coil ended up coming out at work, leading to mass panic and confusion on my part! I called NHS Direct from work in tears and eventually they explained sometimes this just happens, and not to worry but to take a pregnancy test just in case. I drove straight to Tesco on autopilot, and picked up a pack of tests, still expecting everything to be AOK. I drove straight home, again on autopilot, and took both tests – just for piece of mind really. I left them too it, and started putting washing away of all things! I went back a few minutes later, and both tests clearly displayed positive 2 – 3 weeks.

I don’t remember a whole lot of the next few hours, apart from lots of tears and discussions and more tears and more talking, and laying there thinking that whatever happened was going to affect every aspect of the rest of my life. We both eventually fell asleep knowing that everything was going to change.

And now here we are! Today I am 9+3 and completely comfortable and sure of the idea – we’re going to have a baby! Although this was completely unplanned (a surprise is the phrase I’m aiming for!) I think we’ve both come round to the idea much more. Obviously I can only speak for myself but personally, I feel that this is an amazing gift and was obviously meant to be. I'm a great believer in everything happening for a reason - I’ve always been a little odd, so why wouldn’t I be in the 0.8% of people! The more research I do, the more information I find out about coil failure. And I feel incredibly lucky that at least my coil came out – as removal can be quite dangerous for baby and me.

So that briefly brings us up to speed. I’ve had 2 scans at the Early Pregnancy Unit so far. The first was one to confirm “viability” because of the coil pregnancy – (the coil increases the risk of the pregnancy being ectopic). This was at about 6 weeks, and all we saw was a little bean. However we also saw a beautiful strong heartbeat. I’d like to say this was an amazing and life changing moment, but to be honest it was quite painful - I’d been told to have a full bladder and it was horrible having someone press and push upon it! However seeing bean in the right place was a massive relief, and for both of us I think it had a huge impact.

A few weeks later I had some bleeding, so after a tearful trip to casualty, and a horrid receptionist, I was scheduled for another early scan. This was a terrifying wait, and a horrible experience, but we got to see the baby again and thankfully all was well and baby measuring ahead of dates, taking me up to about 8 weeks.

Since then I’ve had a pretty textbook experience! Sickness, headaches, bloating and food aversions. However this week I actually don’t feel as bad – I haven’t been sick yet, and I mostly seem able to eat. I even managed breakfast this morning which was incredible! So fingers crossed I’m feeling okay. Just perpetually tired, but that could also be linked to the time of year, being busy at work and a busy birthday weekend.

All in all, I feel incredibly blessed to be in this position, and I’m really looking forward to being able to make notes to remind myself how I felt. My next milestone is my midwife appointment, followed hopefully by my scan a few weeks later. I’m trying not to stress about that, which I think is pretty much impossible, but I’m sure I’ll write about that soon! Also going to start taking pictures over the weekend so I can compare my expanding tummy!

With love and light xo