26+5 - Pregnancy Update

Baby update time I suppose! 26+5 today, or around 6 months pregnant-ish as I’ve taken to telling people. I am massive. People feel the need to stop me in the supermarket and ask me if I’m due in the next few weeks or to see how many babies I’m going to have in this litter. This makes me feel so great about myself! In all seriousness though I’m massive. I’ve gained ridiculous amounts of weight, and although I feel incredibly blessed to have a healthy, lovely third baby growing, I do feel a bit like a whale already.

This is completely unfeminist / a bit gross of me, but I’ve already started to be anxious about how I’m going to look after. I feel like I managed to get to where I wanted to be health and body wise after 2, but 3 is completely pushing it right? I know all the things I’m supposed to say – 9 months on, nice months off etc. Andddd I’d rather have a ruined body and 3 beautiful girls. But, can I not just ask for both? And also to be able to eat all the biscuits all the time?

SPD wise – much of a muchness! I’ve been to physio a few times and got lots of exercises, support bands and things to do / not to do etc. I’m good at the exercises, but not good at following the “don’t do these things” advice apparently. Mitch assures me I’m a rubbish patient, but I just get anxious if things aren’t clean or sorted or organised. We did a big blitz on the house and garden at the weekend, with loads left to do but at least we’ve made a start. I need to start clearing the loft out and sorting out what we have / haven’t got. In short, hurting is rubbish and I’ve become super boring going to bed at 8pm every night with painkillers and a hot water bottle. Still, I’ve caught up on Grey’s Anatomy so lets look at the positives here!

I’ve started buying a few bits as I feel incredibly unorganised, and I need to clear out a drawer or 2 to shove the baby clothes in. I’ve started at least trying to round up the baby paraphernalia from it’s various places around the house and check what I need and make a list. A list always makes me feel better – it focuses my mind and I like putting ticks on things. I always add things to the list that I’ve already done so I can feel semi productive.

After much debate we bought a second hand double pushchair for the school run / longer journeys. Although Violet is more than capable of walking distances, it just depends if she decides that she wants to or not or if she just runs in random directions. We bought an Oyster Max, and I've just ordered a second hand carrycot for it too. The other pushchair is still ace so we'll probably keep that for when we want a single but nice to have the option.

Baby wise – there’s not much to tell! She is kicking up a storm which is always lovely, until the end when it’s not. We have reached the point where Mitch can no longer touch my stomach as it reminds him of the scene from Alien and makes him feel a bit sick. Alice loves touching the baby and singing songs to her, and she thinks my belly button is some sort of microphone extending into my uterus. I haven’t discouraged this belief.

She keeps telling me all the nice things she’s going to do with the baby, and how excited she is. She tells me that when the baby cries it means she is hungry and I must feed her and not to worry about Violet (or Vi as Alice calls her) as they will read books together on the sofa. Alice says we must make room in the bath for the baby and make sure she’s wrapped up lovely and warm when they get out the bath, unless the baby poos in which case everyone must jump out quickly. I’m not naïve enough to think that Alice will feel the same when baby is here, but it’s so lovely to have my big girl to share this all with.

Violet is mostly indifferent. I think she’s slightly concerned the baby will steal her dinner.

Alice would like to call the baby Rainbow Heart, and we’ve had a few little chats about how Rainbow is a lovely name but not quite for us. She has now compromised on the first name, but is adamant that Heart is a perfectly acceptable middle name.

 

Both girls are in agreement with the name we’ve chosen, and like to sing to her and talk to her. They both like looking at baby toys and clothes and would quite happily spend a small fortune on tiny things that are pink. Only pink though – if I suggest something else they both act completely outraged that I would ever consider placing a girl in something else.

This pregnancy is going incredibly fast. Honestly, if I could pause it and just soak up another year of being pregnant and spending time with my big girls then I would. But, I know we planned this gap for a reason. The girls are just absolute best friends now and just play together so beautifully. They make my life easier in that they like similar things; watch the same films; want to go to the same places. I know much bigger of a gap wouldn’t have worked for us, but at the same time I just want to soak up all the time I can with my favourite 2 people in the world.

In the same breath, I’m also incredibly excited to meet the next little piece to our puzzle, and see how they fit in to our already mental life. I’m looking forward to tiny baby snuggles, milky breath, soft hair, finger squeezes and us all getting to know each other. I’m apprehensive about lots of things, but overwhelmingly just excited.

With love and light xo

22 Weeks Pregnant

Urgh. I haven't wanted to write as I haven't wanted to moan. I like to be able to fill this space with sunshine and happiness and magical children. But that's not really where we're at right now.

As always, magical preface to say I know how lucky I am. I get it. We're lucky. I really honestly do. But, I'm struggling a little at the moment.

I'm hurting and sore and as a consequence not sleeping. It's been getting worse, until I went to the doctors a few weeks ago after I had a really bad week.

The GP has diagnosed symphysis pubis dysfunction, or SPD. I'm hoping this isn't the case, and I'm pinning my hopes on it magically disappearing, but at the moment I think I'm being a bit ridiculous and need to be realistic.

I can walk and potter and do my normal bits and pieces, but by the afternoon I hurt. Not a little bit achey, like I could cry at my desk. I want to hobble home and go to bed. I've had a few days where it's been a lot worse and I've struggled. And I do not like struggling - I like being super pregnant woman and mowing lawns and running round and basically doing everything. And my body is currently saying no, and I'm finding that difficult.

I am mostly fine some days, but some days I'm in quite a lot of pain. I'm struggling with getting my head round this a bit, as it's difficult to realise it isn't going to go away and is most likely going to get worse.

I'm not good at asking for help, and I'm not good at taking it easy; so we'll see where this goes.

I have an appointment with the obstetric physiotherapist on Thursday to hopefully get a bit more advice and confirm what it is. In my head I'm terrified of 2 things - 1. It all being in my head and them basically telling me to suck it up and I'm being pathetic. Or 2. It being SPD and them basically confirming it's going to get worse until delivery. So we will see! Ideally option number 3 would be here - lets fix it. You're now totally fine - hurrah!

So - positive things. Nothing is wrong with the baby. I am healthy and fit a well and it's only pain. I am very lucky to be here anyway. Please remind me of all these things regularly.

Dear Violet, Alice,and I guess extra baby?!

So it’s been forever and ever since I updated this as usual.

I feel like every time I blink something has changed and the girls are so much bigger and they are changing and growing and all I really want is to freeze this time where they are so little and I can keep them safe and I know exactly where they are all the time!

Little Violet,

I mentioned in the last post that your speech had finally started to develop - well now your speech is so much better! We have little sentences and you are so funny and know exactly what you want. “No mummy don’t silly”, and “Course I can” make me smile. You have a very Can Do attitude to anything I ask. Can you put this in the bin for me baby? “Course I can”. I think one of your hobbies is probably cleaning and tidying and putting things away. I have to hand you the items individually so you can put them in the bin.

We went to the hospital with your eye and you were actually amazing. Your vision is super poor and you need strong glasses, but you’ve massively took it in your stride. When we went to pick the glasses up you threw them on the floor and tried to stomp on them, so I thought we were in for a right battle. However since day 2 you’ve just realised you can see so much better with them and we never have a battle putting them on. They are super cute purple sparkly frozen ones and you look perfect in them. You’ve been back to hospital since and have been less impressed with the ophthalmologist trying to test you!

You still sleep super well – and still need a little nap in the day. We had a day last week where you missed the nap and were absolutely horrid for the rest of the day, so naps are hopefully around for the time being. You have never ever tried to get out of bed at night time, which is such a contrast to Alice! Soon you are (hopefully) going to start sharing a room with your sister in the bottom bunk and I’m really hoping that won’t affect your lovely sleep!

We’ve had a couple of false starts and attempts with potty training. You aren’t a fan at the moment and I’m trying not to push it. You pooed on the floor next to the potty so I put it in the potty and cheered and you were inconsolable for about 20 minutes. You like sitting on the potty and asking for a smartie and that’s as interested as you get. Alice now asks for a smartie when she goes to the toilet too, and I’m having to disappoint her that it can’t happen as a grown up!

You are so incredibly physical! You love jumping and climbing and getting yourself into danger. Over Christmas we went to Sherwood Pines and you were really in your element – you’re so strong and good at ladders and climbing and you show literally 0 fear. You love jumping and running round. I need to make more of an effort to take you swimming as we’ve not been in forever and I bet you would love it.

You still love to potter and play nicely – you like Happyland and Peppa Pig toys and making them all play and talk to each other. Your farm animals all make noises then they have to go inside the barn when it’s raining and you’re just so independent with it.

Everyone always comments on how sweet natured and lovely you are and it’s so true – but you’ve definitely started terrible 2’s and showing us when you’re unhappy. You stomp your feet and cry and throw things. When you cry your tears get trapped in your glasses and it’s the saddest thing in the world!

My Alice Palace,

You are so grown up now. I literally would freeze you at this age forever and keep you in my pocket. Last night I wasn’t feeling great after work so I had a bath and you asked if you could sit with me and help. You washed my hair, scrubbed my back, stroked my tummy then told me stories. I could have cried. You kept asking what else you could do to help and it just made me appreciate what a sweet, lovely little girl you are now.

You can now read and it’s just amazing! It’s just like it’s clicked all of a sudden and you are reading and spelling things out constantly. You read your school book to me and Violet most nights and I can practically hear the cogs whizzing when you get to a word where you’re stuck and sounding it out. The other day we went to nannys and granddads and their TV wasn’t working – you pointed at the screen and said “does that say communicating with networks”. It did.

You were an angel in your school nativity and it’s one of the best things I have ever seen in my life. You were a real Kate Bush angel and you stood on your own pretty much dancing up a storm and singing to yourself. You cried when I left and it was the saddest angel in the world!

However, alongside being super sweet you have definitely mastered the eye roll / sass! We have loooads less tantrums than we did, but you love to roll your eyes and sigh dramatically at me like I am the worst person in the world. It’s so difficult not to laugh when you’re having a total drama melt down because I brought the wrong pyjamas but it happens much less frequently now and on the whole you’re pretty reasonable.

At night time I take you upstairs and lie with you for 5 minutes and you tell me about your day. You tell me if you’re scared or happy or what happened at school and I could snuggle up to you forever. Slight problem in that I pretty much nearly fall asleep most nights but hey! I don’t think I’ll fit in your top bunk so I’ll miss the snuggles, although I do envision some sneaky stair climbing when I inevitably do try and sneak out the top of your bunk bed.

You’ve finally stopped with the 5.30 get ups, and I’m hoping 6.30 has settled down a bit. We’ve bribed you for a while and you can now play iPad for 30 mins in the morning if you have your uniform on, and I honestly couldn’t care if that’s awful parenting but we all neeeeed to not be getting up before 6am!

So – both of you. We’ve obviously looked at our lives and decided we are getting far too much sleep and life is far too simple (ha!) and decided to have another baby! I am well aware this is mental, but I love you guys so much that I can’t imagine not sharing all the love with have with just one more little person.

Violet has absolutely no idea what’s going on. If you ask what’s in mummy’s tummy she says “sister” but that’s about it. But Alice is so incredibly aware and asks about it most days. When she snuggles up to me at night she asks how baby is and tries to talk to them! However the slight issue is that Alice doesn’t want a brother. Like she’s not mentioned it in passing – every day. She refuses to entertain the idea that this baby might be a boy. If you say it might be a boy, she just replied “it might be a girl.” I’ve read books, looked at pictures, looked through names with her, and she just refuses to believe it might be a boy.

We said to Alice if it’s a boy we can go shopping and buy some toys or clothes. “Mummy if it’s a boy I won’t buy it anything or play with it or love it.” Woops!

So, this is my excuse for buying an early scan off Groupon – and I’m taking Alice with me! I’m hoping seeing the baby might soften the blow a little bit and she can maybe bond a little? Here’s the plan! Plus it’s just an excuse and I’m desperate to know!

Everyone knows and has had to for quite a while. Mostly because even though I’m 13 weeks I’m the size of a 6 month pregnant lady, and secondly we had a bit of drama at the beginning with bleeding and scans etc. so had to tell a few more people. Here’s hoping for a drama free next 6 months.

I am tired and achey but I know I’m incredibly lucky. My sickness has hopefully stopped for a while, and I'd reeeally like it if that stayed away as I was super miserable. I’d like to try and blog a bit more through the pregnancy again but I’ll probably post again in 6 months time when baby is here. Oh well!


With love and light xo

40+6 - Failure to prepare...

I feel like I could just write - still pregnant. But, I'm trying to write things down as I know how quickly it all disappears from memory when baby gets here. Which will be soon hopefully?

I'm going to be honest - every day I go overdue it almost seems further away! Like having a baby is this weird metaphorical thing that might happen at some point in the future?

I've had a few evenings where I've felt a little optimistic about baby coming, with cramps / pains and a few Braxton Hicks: so I keep trying to go to bed and get some sleep and hope that I'll be woken in the early hours to something happening. It's the constant "what if?" that's exhausting. I wake up every hour in the night checking if my waters have broken, or if something is happening. I keep trying to make sure that at any given time I'm fed and the house is clean and I'm not shattered, just so I can cope with the labour to the best of my ability. It's a strange feeling of limbo - I don't want to plan too far ahead and I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but for a serial planner / organiser like me that's incredibly difficult!

If someone told me I'd be another week then that's fine, I could deal with that. But it's the constant apprehension and waiting that I'm finding difficult. I know I should just be enjoying the last few days of being pregnant, but I'm anxious and nervous and just want to crack on now! However I am enjoying the last few days of just Alice and mummy snuggles, and it's been nice to have these few days of sunshine to play with.

I had a sweep on Monday which was painful but not unbearable, and was 2cm dilated. I got a little excited after, thinking something might happen, but it was a huge anticlimax. I've got another booked today for 3.30, so hopefully she'll be able to tell me if there's been any progression at all - not that it means anything really!

I couldn't sleep last night for fretting about induction, so I decided to face it head on and did a couple of hours research on the pro's and con's of various things. (For anyone interested - NICE guidelines are always incredibly awesome, as is Homebirth.org.uk, the NHS website and the Royal College of Midwives)

I've already discussed with the midwife that I want to wait until 40+14 (2 weeks overdue) rather than 40+12, to give the baby as much chance as possible to come on their own. I'm feeling quite negative about induction and it's definitely something I want to avoid, so I'm glad to have an extra couple of days to allow my body to do it's thing.

It's not that I want to be pregnant an extra few days, it's just that the likelihood of needing intervention increases just such huge amounts when induction is used, and the chance of needing a caesarian or assisted delivery just shoots up. It tends to be referred to as the "Cascade of Intervention" - basically when you start faffing with one thing it throws the whole process out of whack! For a lot of reasons I don't want interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Having read lots of studies etc. I feel a little more clued up now on the process and risks of various things. Hoping to have a chat with the midwife about it today, and go through a few concerns. Obviously I'm hoping to not need any of this at all, but a failure to prepare is preparing to fail!

This is probably all so dull for anyone not overdue with a baby - sorry!! I'm still confident that baby is fine, and will show up when they are ready. I just need to keep reminding myself that the body is incredible, and childbirth has been happening for a very long time. I need to not let my confidence waiver, and just focus on how exciting it all is. Easier said than done I'm afraid!

So I said this last time, but maybe next time I update I'll have a baby? Until then - clary sage, ball bouncing, lots of walking, and a bit of hoping!

With love and light xo

40+1

No babies yet. I was kind of thinking I wouldn't get to add any more pictures here, but at least I'm pretty sure I won't need another row! I was quite curious if she'd dropped any in the pictures but I don't think so - just gone outward a little more.

Officially 1 day overdue today, but I've always thought my due date was the 1st September anyway so not particularly climbing the walls yet, however after today I am all for Operation Shift Baby! Haven't tried any moving baby methods yet, other than cleaning and scrubbing floors today, but planning a curry and a walk tonight maybe; followed by lots of Clary Sage!


Packed, repacked and checked all my bags and home birth stuff today. Showed Mitchell where everything is and what everything's for. Doesn't feel particularly impending but then it never did with Alice either - not really had any pains or tightenings etc. other than killer back pain at the end of the days. If anything, I feel better this week than I have in weeks! Struggling a little to sleep but that's only down to me being the size of a small house.

Big thank you to my mum who has helped huge amounts over these past few weeks with having Alice and helping out, and another big thankyou to Mitch's family for having Alice and helping out! Would have certainly been struggling a lot more without everyone's help!

So, no news at the moment. Will try and write a quick post when things are happening!

With love and light xo

38+3 - Stick a fork in me!

For a while I didn't even think I'd have to put another row on the bump picture - I was super convinced I was going to be early as I just feel huuuuge! However here we are, 38 and a bit weeks and not a twinge in sight. Obviously baby girl is quite happy in there, and far be it from me to tell her what to do!

Midwife today and baby is happy and healthy still. Still measuring a few cm large for dates but it's calmed down loads, and since the growth scan they're quite happy I'm not going to birth a 19lb baby. Heart and blood pressure all okay, and I've been booked in again for 2 weeks when I will officially be 3 days overdue. I'm not going to lie - I'm kind of hoping I don't end up attending that appointment!


I had another GTT a few weeks ago as they, yet again, suspected gestational diabetes due to glucose in urine. The GTT was no fun - could eat at 6am but then not till after 4pm and I was just feeling super sick and ratty. However, thankfully no diabetes, so still all on track for a normal birth, and hopefully a homebirth!

Everything is (hopefully) ready to go on the homebirth front now. I have a huge box of old towels and sheets; we have tried the birth pool; I have snacks for everyone involved; I've packed a bag with all mine and babies things in that I hopefully won't need; I have music; I've been listening to hypnobirth tracks; and generally reading all / any homebirth stories I can get my hands on.

This site has pretty much been my bible and I've spent countless 3am hours reading every midwife article, birth story, advice list and FAQ I can get! http://www.homebirth.org.uk/


Feel really positive about the birth at the moment. Had a lovely evening practicing with the pool and working through any little issues - e.g. which taps to use to fill, where to put it, lighting and tarps etc. It was so lovely to get in and took all the aches and pains out of my hips and legs - it's just ridiculously huge and felt completely like I was floating in all the lovely warm water. I know last time the water made a huge difference to labour pains and I'm really hoping to successfully birth in the pool again - I think it made a huge difference and would completely recommend it. 
I haven't written much about my reasons behind choosing a homebirth on here - partly because I don't want to sound like it's the right thing to do! It's what I want to do, but every woman should be given the right to choose whatever seems right for them. Birth is all about making informed choices, to hopefully be empowered by how incredible your body is. For me, there are lots of reasons I want to be at home. For others, there are lots of reasons they don't. If I end up in hospital I won't have "failed", but that doesn't mean I want to be there!
I'm really looking forward to being in my own space, with my own things, my own bath, and all my own creature comforts. Being able to make a drink or have a wander or potter about while in the early stages, without the big "is it time to go yet?!" rush of last time. I'm looking forward to feeling in control, being in my own environment, and on my terms. I'm looking forward to getting into my own bed when it's all done, with a tiny baby and no other ladies /babies in the room, and no doctors poking my baby at 6am for no reason! 
I'm mostly looking forward to all the midwives going home and leaving us to get to know our little girl, and us all getting to know each other as a family of 4!
Obviously I'm not looking forward to the pain of labour, but I feel ready now. I keep dreaming of labour, and every time I get so much as a mild cramp I think it may be something starting! Mitch and Kirsty have both guessed tomorrow, but Mitch has since retracted his guess and thinks I'll be weeks yet - rubbish! I'm getting uncomfortable and tired, and every day seem to be finding it a little harder. I will obviously miss being pregnant, but I'm ready now.
Have a guess here - chocolate based prize for the winner ;) http://bebepool.com/go/?a=lizz&view=list

Who knows - maybe the next time I update I'll have a baby?!

With love and light xo

36+3 - An update

Time for a bit of a pregnancy update I think! To put the picture above in perspective, here's last time at 36 weeks-ish!

So I am now 36 weeks, and physically getting to the "well ready" stage! Mitch is putting up with all my moaning, bless him, but it's starting to start to be a little frustrating in parts. I think baby has dropped a lot, looking at pics above, and because of that I'm having quite a lot of hip pain etc. Moving is becoming a little cumbersome, and I would say I've perhaps lost what little bit of elegance I ever had and gained a lovely waddle!

I'm sleeping okay-ish - waking up around half the time for a couple of hours in the night. I wake up, and it's just like my brain has been completely turned on and I am wide awake - normally from around 3 - 5.30ish? Then it hardly seems worth going back to sleep as Alice up anytime from 6! It seems to hit me at points throughout the day, and I could literally just sleep stood up some of the time.

She is kicking lots, and still doing lots of movements, which can get quite painful now depending on where I'm being punched! Always reassuring to feel / see though, and I'm sure will be missed.

In general, I'm super lucky and feel really blessed to be able to plod on. But some days I'm just counting down the hours till Mitch gets home and I can have a little lie down! I have found this pregnancy physically harder than Alice - I don't think it's any worse, I think I just get a lot less time to sit down, as I'm normally chasing round after a mental toddler.

I broke up from work on Friday, although had originally wanted to do a few more weeks but had to use up some annual leave. Feels strange to be part of the maternity leave lot again, but definitely less relaxing than maternity leave last time ;)

The midwife came to the house on Friday to go through everything birth plan / home birth wise which was really lovely. We went through all eventualities and practicalities - I had to order a few more things for the birth, including a torch and spare batteries! Still need to get a few more bits together for it and assemble them in a box all together. Mostly just a few more old towels and sheets etc. that I don't mind throwing. I have packed a little hospital bag but really hoping not to use it.

Having a go filling the birth pool on Thursday night to see how long it takes to fill and how easy it is to get to temperature. Will have a look at what way to best arrange furniture etc. and just run through the last few logistical bits for home birth. Also planning to jump in and have a go - would be rude not to surely!!

I need to get birth snacks / drinks for me, but apparently most importantly for the midwives and Mitch / my mum! I have informed everyone involved that I'm not putting a buffet on but apparently it's falling on deaf ears!! :P

Also need to jump back on the Hypnobirthing band wagon and start listening to the CDs again. I found some of the techniques really helped me stay focussed and in control last time, and it really can't do any harm! Got some Clary Sage aromatherapy oil, and a lovely lady from online has sent me some labour massage oil too.

Mentally feeling a little fed up today - keep having glucose in urine so have to go for yet another Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday. It's a stupid fasting test, and I'm so used to snacking all the time at the moment as I can't really eat a whole meal. I'm sure the results will be negative again, and it's just such a long time to be sat in the hospital, starving, with naff all to do. Even though I'm sure it's nothing, I will worry all weekend about results, as Gestational Diabetes would mean no home birth, no water birth, lots of monitoring and medication etc. Not a path I want to go down at all.

Still, trying to stay positive and remember my body knows exactly what it's doing, and all will be okay.


Have set up the pushchair with a buggy board, and been practicing with the Moby wrap / Babyhawk and a teddy to make sure I have options for getting out the house when baby is here! Although very tempting just to hibernate, need to make sure we all get a little bit of fresh air. Alice currently unsure about buggy board, so hoping to take her out for a wander maybe before the littlest one shows up.

We keep talking about how her sister will be here soon and she keeps telling me her sister is asleep and when she is awake she will come out to play. She also wrapped a little present for the baby for me last night, and we keep talking about babies and breastfeeding. I'm trying my best to make sure she knows what's happening, but I guess we'll see soon!

37 weeks on Friday, so baby is classed as full term and is free to show up at any point from then on! If you haven't guessed already, please place your bets! - http://bebepool.com/go/admin/?a=lizz&view

With love and light xo

30+2 - Bit of an update

Bit of an all over update as lots of little bits and pieces going off here!

We had an Alice free day today so have been blitzing lots of jobs in preparation for the arrival of new small child. Today I sorted through all the newborn / 0-3 clothes, stuff we've been given, and bits I picked up from eBay / Facebook. Finally feel much more organised in that respect although it took a lot longer than anticipated - primarily due to my OCD making me create drawer dividers!

We painted the alcoves in the bedroom and gave those a couple of coats, and the chimney breast is being wallpapered at some point in the next month or so. Still have lots of bits to do in her room but feeling much better about the state of it - pictures bought and need putting up, and I want to make a collage-y picture like one of these - http://pinterest.com/evenstarx/nursery-art/. Curtains up too, and black out blind here and ready for hanging.

Took the cot down in Alice's room today and sorted her big girl bed out. We are currently 40 minutes in to the first night and so far so good! I am envisioning a few wake ups but it needs doing, I just really can't be bothered - she sleeps so well in her cot and I would quite happily leave her in it for the next 20 years if it means she sleeps!

Still set on the name. Slightly concerned that someone famous is going to use it first as we literally have no other names. Relieved to see that the Kim / Kanye baby is called North.

Getting much bigger, and a bit more back/hip pain. Partly due to being stubborn and not wanting to slow down, partly due to chasing a small mental toddler round, partly due to my body failing me and feeling about 80! I'm at the midwife tomorrow so hoping that baby has spun a little and is pointing the right direction, but I'm not convinced and I'm pretty sure she's still sideways. Loads of time yet though.

Also had the results back from last weeks GTT and all okay - no diabetes. Winner. Pass me back the cake please.

This all seems to be absolutely flying this time. I would be quite happy to be pregnant for another 9 months if it means I get more time on my own with my special Alice. Even if it does mean I hobble round in the evenings!

However that doesn't mean I'm not excited, just can't imagine how 30 weeks has gone so quickly!

With love and light xo

28+3 - Pregnancy Update

Been to the midwife this morning and feeling a little fed up. Had glucose in my urine again so have to go the hospital on Thursday for a Glucose Tolerance Test again (had one about 32 weeks last time) which means fasting all day until test finished. In mid morning and should be done for after lunch time, so only missing breakfast, but that's tough when you're forever hungry!! Mitch can't take time off work this time so I'm just going to take a magazine / book etc. but not particularly looking forward to it. 

Baby also currently breech. I know that's nothing to worry about at this stage (28 weeks) but Alice was always head down and I'd just got it in my head that it was this case this time. I've been reading a few tips for movement on the Spinning Babies website so I'm going to get my birth ball down and start doing a few exercises to encourage baby to spin. 

So, even though I know both things will probably be fine, I'm just a bit worried. Both breech presentation and gestational diabetes would mean definitely no home birth, and probably no water birth. It's safe to say I'm feeling a bit down and a bit self pitying about it this morning, but there's not a lot I can do! 

I think I need to get back on the hypnobirth positive mental attitude - it will all be okay - birth is a natural thing and an amazing thing that your body is designed to do. 

Pregnancy wise I'm doing okay so far apart from the above! Starting to get a bit of back pain but nothing out of the ordinary. Struggling to breathe throughout the day a little as she's just so high up in my body. I think (maybe?) I had some Braxton Hicks the other day but I'm not sure as I never had them with Alice. 

I'm no further on with baby things than last post - all clothes and accessories still in attic and no further with her room. Got to decide whether to paint or not, then start getting things out and see what we're missing. She does have curtains now which is a step forward I suppose! 

With love and light xo

27+3 - Photos

I tried to take a set of proper photos but they somehow got gatecrashed by a cat and a small child! 27 weeks now, and officially third trimester. Alice has got into the nightly routine of helping me put cream on my tummy, although I'm sure the stretch mark monster is creeping up...

With love and light xo

24+4 - Pregnancy Update

Just a brief pregnancy update as I realised I've not written anything for a while!

We have finally picked a name, which turned out to be easy after months of it being a sore subject! We couldn't agree on anything at all - I loved (love!) Matilda, but Mitch didn't like it no matter how much I brought it up. We both liked Beatrice / Beatrix but it never seemed 100% right. I woke up one morning with a name in my head that I hadn't even thought about before, rung Mitch, and we both loved it. Perfect. I think it was partly that he was fed up of picking names, but I'm 100% happy with what we've chosen!

I am very round. However at least I don't look fat anymore, just very pregnant! I am already starting to struggle a bit with rolling over at night and moving a little, and having the 4am wake ups where I get stuck a bit like a whale. I have currently found an elaborate 300 pillow wedging system that seems to be working for the most part, and I am extremely thankful for the super king size bed!

However, (touch wood) I seem to be having a pretty awesome pregnancy so far! No sickness anymore, the bug from last month has vanished, and I feel pretty great. Tired from chasing after a small Tasmanian devil, but I think that's just a tiring occupation!

The movements I'm feeling now are much more than little pops - they are huge kicks and wiggles that can be seen / felt from the outside. Feeling these now just shows me how much less I felt Alice with her anterior placenta (placenta at front). I think this time I'd only just started feeling her kick, whereas now I'm already partly recreating scenes from Alien. Mostly, I love being reminded of her. However not so much at 4am when it's party time all up in my ribs!

We have emptied the spare room in preparation for starting to get all the baby things out the attic over the next few weeks / months. I've kind of planned a few little decoration-y bits, but I know it's not super important as she will probably end up in bed with us permanently attached to me for about the first year. (I'm finding this part the hardest to be enthusiastic about!). Still, it would be nice for her to have a pretty room, and I'll put pictures up as / when we get to making it look nice.

We've left the double bed up in her room as a spare room / Mitch needs to get some sleep room - which will be loads nicer than last time we had a newborn baby in the tiny flat!

Not really bought anything or done anything - feel a bit unprepared, but I know we have everything from Alice still in the attic so there's not really a lot we need! It does make me a bit sad that I haven't been able to get all excited about buying tiny person things, but I don't want to spend money for the sake of it. I'll need to buy a few warmer outfits for her to see us through the winter, but I'll wait till she arrives and see what size she is.

Having a name and feeling her move makes it a little more real, but it still feels like something super far away in the distance. I don't remember how I felt with Alice - did having more time to think about it make it more absolute? At the moment it's just a distant idea in the back of my head most of the time! Is that awful?

I know that I obviously love her, and will love her so much, but right now I'm so terrified as to how I could love anyone as much as I love Alice! How do you split yourself in 2?

With love and light xo

19+4 - And it's a...

...girl!


Just so relieved and so glad that everything was all okay. Lovely clear scan with lots to show and lots to see - baby kept putting her hand up to show us all her fingers and it was just so great to see everything going. Holiday tomorrow so lots left to do - will update more when we're back :)

With love and light xo

19 Weeks - Blergh

Today I am 19 weeks pregnant, or almost half way through. This is absolutely terrifying.

This might be a bit doom and gloom, but I’m trying to write about all aspects of pregnancy, and some aren’t sunshine and flowers. At the moment, I feel absolutely rubbish. I had a sickness bug last week where I had vomiting etc., and I’ve just not quite got better yet. Since then, I’ve been feeling gross – hugely bloated all the time; constantly full despite not being able to eat; constant nausea; random vomiting; and just a really painful, tender stomach.

Then, to top it all off, I woke up at 1am with diarrhoea which carried on all night and most of this morning; with the addition of extremely painful stomach cramps and lower back pain. Happy days!

To be fair, I’m not sure how much of this is bug related and how much of this is pregnancy related, but I’m a little miserable. I’m uncomfortable, not sleeping, and having to force myself to eat because I know I should. I just feel a little down in the dumps about the whole thing, and don’t remember any of this from last time, or certainly not feeling this uncomfortable so early on.

I’m going on holiday next week and we’ve all been so excited, and I’m just worried I won’t be able to enjoy it properly. We’re all inclusive – I’ve never been all inclusive anywhere! If I can’t drink, I certainly want to be able to eat my own bodyweight in cake!

I know how lucky I am, and I know how this is just a tiny blip in the ocean. I also know this is a bit of miserable post but I wanted to write it all down. Hopefully soon I’ll be back to rainbows and unicorns, but for now I’d quite like to crawl back in my cave and feel better.

With love and light xo

16+3 - An Update...

So I realised I've literally written nothing at all about this pregnancy, and wanted to do a bit of an update. The main reason I've written nothing - nothing to report!

Baby is fine so far - I heard the heartbeat last week at the midwife. I'm 16 weeks now, and all went well at 12 week scan. Booked in for 20 week scan in a few weeks time to hopefully check all is okay and find out gender (if baby cooperates!)

I've not felt any movements for sure yet, although I might have felt a few - it's difficult to tell with running about. Would be nice to feel a few little kicks but I remember that the novelty wears off when you have bruised ribs!

To be honest - I've not had a lot of time to think about this baby and the time has just flown by so far. I often feel a little guilty, as I spent so much time thinking about baby things when pregnant with Alice, and I've hardly acknowledged that I'm pregnant this time! But I guess that's what happens with a second baby.

I've been really lucky so far, only had a little bit of sickness and no aches or pains yet - just been quite tired but even that seems to have lifted somewhat. I've definitely got a little bump now, but only put on about 4lb so far - I really want to try and limit my weight gain but we will see how that goes.

We literally haven't bought a thing for the baby, but I guess that will change if we find out gender etc. I've always tried to be a bit gender neutral with clothes, and all our big items (pushchairs etc.) are all neutral so nothing big to buy. All the cloth nappies are pink (mistake on my part!) but the baby will have to deal with that!

Name-wise we have picked a few girls names, and not even one boys name. We have never ever been able to decide on a boys name, so here's hoping it's a girl ;)

Bit of a boring post - but I like boring pregnancy! Hoping for another boring 5 months really!

With love and light xo