Birth Story!

I was 8 days overdue, and completely and utterly fed up! I wasn't sleeping well, or at all really, as baby was forever kicking me in the ribs, so Mitchell had took Alice downstairs and left me in bed to try and get a little more sleep. At this point I was convinced I was going to be pregnant for the next 25 years, because I’m nothing if not melodramatic!

I’d been having mild contractions on and off all week, but nothing super painful and nothing to convince me that baby was coming. I’d had 2 sweeps, and was booked in for a third on the Monday morning to try and get things moving along. I’d already pushed to delay induction to term+14 rather than term+12, and was beginning to resign myself to induction at some point. Mitch was fed up of the smell of Clary Sage which apparently smells like dirt and goth shops. I had walked and walked, marched up and down stairs, bounced on balls, and had plenty of curry. I would say the effectiveness of all these things was 0!

On the sunny Saturday morning I woke up and stumbled / waddled to the bathroom, and shouted Mitch upstairs. I wasn’t sure, but I thought my waters might have broken.

And that was pretty much the question all day Saturday – had they or hadn’t they?! With Alice it was such a definite so I was unsure and felt really silly for not knowing. I called the midwife around midday and they sent someone out just after lunch. I felt really negative as I thought I was just being silly and wasting everyone’s time, and I hated the uncertainty. The midwife wasn’t sure either, but explained the hospital’s policy – induction after 24 hours if labour hadn’t started. I explained how keen I was to avoid induction, especially if we weren’t even sure if it was my waters! She agreed to leave me a few hours to see what happened, and take it from there.

I spent the afternoon feeling sorry for myself on the sofa, and when the midwife called back later (4pm-ish) I still didn’t really know either way. She suggested I go to the hospital later for them to check if my waters had gone, and I reluctantly agreed – if only to see that they hadn’t gone and avoid induction / stop the uncertainty!

We sent Alice to go with Mitch’s mum and dad overnight, and I still felt really silly for wasting everyone’s time. Surely if it had been my waters I would have felt a twinge by now? I avoided telling people I was going up to hospital so I didn’t disappoint when I came home!

Around 7pm we headed up to hospital, only to find out that only 1 person was allowed in triage with me, so mum ended up in the hospital reception for the next 2 hours on her own – sorry mum! I was assured that we’d only be there an hour, but ended up waiting around until 9.30. Being in the hospital reminded me of all the reasons I wanted a homebirth. It was unorganized, I was uncomfortable, I couldn’t have the people I wanted there, and we were mostly ignored. Obviously I don’t blame the midwives, I wasn’t a priority as I wasn’t in labour! But I was fed up and just wanted to go home.

Silver lining though – my waters had definitely gone! They tried to schedule me for induction at 10am the next day till I told them they could book it, but I wouldn’t be turning up. Eventually we agreed on 4pm the next day. I was feeling confident my body would go into labour before then, and that everything would work out. I was also too tired for more of an argument!

We all headed home, and I tried to have some food, knowing I would be needing the energy at some point in the next few hours (hopefully!). At this point, I was kind of hoping I’d get at least a few hours sleep to prepare! I sent my mum and Mitchell to bed, and told them I’d wake them when needed.

I tried to go to bed around 10pm, and had a fitful sleep, waking up with pains but trying to ignore them. Around midnight I got up and decided that sleep wasn’t happening so I’d get up and have a potter round.

I spent the next hour bouncing on the birthing ball and chatting to my brother on Facebook. I’d decided to start timing the pains, and they were around every 4/5 mins lasting for 45 seconds. Around 12pm I could still breathe and type through them, but when it got to 1am I was having to really concentrate on them and close my eyes / breathe deeply.

After timing them for an hour, I decided I was definitely in early labour, but coping okay and was probably going to be a very long time! I rung the midwives just to say I was in labour, but that I probably didn’t need anyone just yet. I decided to go upstairs and give Mitchell a prod and see if he was awake, and let him know what was going on.

Mitch got up after 1ish and started filling the pool as we knew it took around an hour to fill. I tried to persuade him not to fill it yet, as I thought I’d be another 8+ hours and didn’t want the water to get cold! He put me the TENS machine on but it wasn’t doing a huge amount. I was concentrating on breathing and counting through contractions, but had given up timing them. When the pool was full I sent him in the living room to try and get some more sleep while I labored with some music on.

I tried to lie down and rest, and I think he managed 5 minutes before I jumped up and shouted out for help – on the contraction I’d felt the baby move down, and my waters went in a much more dramatic fashion. Suddenly the bearable contractions had become much more intense, and I was having to really breathe and moan through them. I was trying to avoid getting in the pool for as long as possible, as I knew it could slow labour down, and I was trying to make sure I really felt the benefit when I got in.

After a few more intense contractions, I decided to jump in the pool and see what happened. I had a few more contractions in the pool, and they were coming on much closer and stronger – around every 3/4 minutes for a minute. Around 2.30am I told Mitch to call the midwives and get them to head over at some point soon. He rung my mum at same time, and we told her not to rush over – just head over at some point in the next hour or so.

I was still joking and chatting in between contractions, but was having to really concentrate on trying to relax and breathe with the pains. My mum arrived around 2.45 and I still felt bad for getting her out of bed when it would probably be hours!

The midwife arrived around 15 mins later, around 3am. (I have no idea of any of these times I’m just bugging Mitch!) At this point I was remembering how painful was! I felt quite shaky and weak inbetween contractions, but could focus and concentrate on the pains. Mitch and my mum took it in turns rubbing my back for contractions and that really helped me focus and concentrate more.

I was contracting about every 3 minutes, so the midwife was trying to do her checks in the gaps! She checked babies heartbeat – contraction – my pulse – contraction – blood pressure – contraction. Then the dreaded words – “Would you like me to check how far along you are?”. I knew from reading lots of birth stories that it could be a double edged sword – if she said 3cm would I be able to cope? Would I want to give up and have all the drugs? I decided I needed to know! I have never been so thankful to hear someone say 8cm in my entire life!

This was around 3.15, so she quickly decided to get things out the car and call the second midwife – although I was well lost in labour land at this point and didn’t really notice!

After a few more contractions I knew that my body was pushing whether I wanted to or not. Whereas last time I found the pushing helpful to concentrate pain, this time it made it more painful, but I knew it meant it was getting to the end.

I had a few big contractions, lots of big pushing, and then a head! Her head was born, then I had to wait for another contraction – it seemed to take forever but was probably only a minute. Then, at 3.34am on 8th September 2013, Violet was born into the world!

There was no time for gas an air, no second midwife, and Mitch was definitely disappointed he didn’t have time for his buffet.

The second midwife turned up a little later, and she weighed Violet at 9lb 2oz! At this point I was convinced I would need lots of stitches, so was super relieved when I jumped out the pool to find I wouldn’t need any – for that I can only thank the pool!

The midwives stayed for a little while, I gave baby a feed which she took to like an absolute pro. Probably too well actually – she fed pretty much constantly for the first 5 days!

Around 4.30 everyone went home, Mitch saw me up to bed and tucked me in to feed Violet. He tidied round for an hour or so, then we were all alone as a family. Having a homebirth was an incredible experience – yes it was painful, but it was also empowering. I felt completely relaxed and comfortable in my environment, I got to go to my bed and eat my own food and listen to my own music! There was no mad rush to hospital – I’m not sure I would have made it as we wouldn’t have started to head in till around 3!

It also meant that the next day Alice came home to meet her baby sister, in her own environment. I was terrified how they would get along, but Alice completely dotes on her sister. We will see how well this lasts when Mitch goes back to work so she has to share me!

All in all, I had a fantastic birth experience. Today she is 11 days old and physically I feel great. Even the same day I was up and about and tidying / cleaning and lifting. I felt better that day than I had for the last few months of pregnancy!

We’ve struggled a lot more with breastfeeding this time, and I would say I’ve found feeding a lot harder than the birth. Because of her size, she was born starving! And whereas Alice slept a lot for the first few days, Violet just fed pretty much constantly. Up to around day 8/9 I had issues with cracks / bleeding when feeding and was finding it incredibly difficult to persuade myself to feed each time – it just hurt so bad!

But, we seem to have broken the back of feeding and not in pain anymore. Still feeding often, but that’s what babies do! Glad to have (hopefully) got through the other side of the misery!

Mitch’s paternity leave has completely flown by, and I’m really hoping for a lottery win this weekend. I have no idea how I’m going to manage with them both, and how I’m going to entertain Alice while I’m feeding, but we’ll just have to figure it out!

Violet is completely perfect. She is huge, and out of some of her newborn clothes already :(. She looks exactly like her sister did, but has much more hair, and its definitely a little darker – maybe not another blonde?

Posts may be a little thin on the ground while I figure out how to be a mum of 2! But wanted to write this all down before I forgot it.

TL;DR version – I had a baby. She is awesome. I had her at home without pain relief because I’m badass. We are all in love!

With love and light xo

36+3 - An update

Time for a bit of a pregnancy update I think! To put the picture above in perspective, here's last time at 36 weeks-ish!

So I am now 36 weeks, and physically getting to the "well ready" stage! Mitch is putting up with all my moaning, bless him, but it's starting to start to be a little frustrating in parts. I think baby has dropped a lot, looking at pics above, and because of that I'm having quite a lot of hip pain etc. Moving is becoming a little cumbersome, and I would say I've perhaps lost what little bit of elegance I ever had and gained a lovely waddle!

I'm sleeping okay-ish - waking up around half the time for a couple of hours in the night. I wake up, and it's just like my brain has been completely turned on and I am wide awake - normally from around 3 - 5.30ish? Then it hardly seems worth going back to sleep as Alice up anytime from 6! It seems to hit me at points throughout the day, and I could literally just sleep stood up some of the time.

She is kicking lots, and still doing lots of movements, which can get quite painful now depending on where I'm being punched! Always reassuring to feel / see though, and I'm sure will be missed.

In general, I'm super lucky and feel really blessed to be able to plod on. But some days I'm just counting down the hours till Mitch gets home and I can have a little lie down! I have found this pregnancy physically harder than Alice - I don't think it's any worse, I think I just get a lot less time to sit down, as I'm normally chasing round after a mental toddler.

I broke up from work on Friday, although had originally wanted to do a few more weeks but had to use up some annual leave. Feels strange to be part of the maternity leave lot again, but definitely less relaxing than maternity leave last time ;)

The midwife came to the house on Friday to go through everything birth plan / home birth wise which was really lovely. We went through all eventualities and practicalities - I had to order a few more things for the birth, including a torch and spare batteries! Still need to get a few more bits together for it and assemble them in a box all together. Mostly just a few more old towels and sheets etc. that I don't mind throwing. I have packed a little hospital bag but really hoping not to use it.

Having a go filling the birth pool on Thursday night to see how long it takes to fill and how easy it is to get to temperature. Will have a look at what way to best arrange furniture etc. and just run through the last few logistical bits for home birth. Also planning to jump in and have a go - would be rude not to surely!!

I need to get birth snacks / drinks for me, but apparently most importantly for the midwives and Mitch / my mum! I have informed everyone involved that I'm not putting a buffet on but apparently it's falling on deaf ears!! :P

Also need to jump back on the Hypnobirthing band wagon and start listening to the CDs again. I found some of the techniques really helped me stay focussed and in control last time, and it really can't do any harm! Got some Clary Sage aromatherapy oil, and a lovely lady from online has sent me some labour massage oil too.

Mentally feeling a little fed up today - keep having glucose in urine so have to go for yet another Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday. It's a stupid fasting test, and I'm so used to snacking all the time at the moment as I can't really eat a whole meal. I'm sure the results will be negative again, and it's just such a long time to be sat in the hospital, starving, with naff all to do. Even though I'm sure it's nothing, I will worry all weekend about results, as Gestational Diabetes would mean no home birth, no water birth, lots of monitoring and medication etc. Not a path I want to go down at all.

Still, trying to stay positive and remember my body knows exactly what it's doing, and all will be okay.


Have set up the pushchair with a buggy board, and been practicing with the Moby wrap / Babyhawk and a teddy to make sure I have options for getting out the house when baby is here! Although very tempting just to hibernate, need to make sure we all get a little bit of fresh air. Alice currently unsure about buggy board, so hoping to take her out for a wander maybe before the littlest one shows up.

We keep talking about how her sister will be here soon and she keeps telling me her sister is asleep and when she is awake she will come out to play. She also wrapped a little present for the baby for me last night, and we keep talking about babies and breastfeeding. I'm trying my best to make sure she knows what's happening, but I guess we'll see soon!

37 weeks on Friday, so baby is classed as full term and is free to show up at any point from then on! If you haven't guessed already, please place your bets! - http://bebepool.com/go/admin/?a=lizz&view

With love and light xo

Birth Story - Part 3

I've finally sat down to hopefully write the last part of the birth! Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2. I wish Mitch was here to pick his brains, as I keep forgetting things - I wish I still had my birth notes but I'll try my best!

So I'd arrived back at home for about 6.30, but was struggling with the pain at this point. We ran another bath, which I jumped into and continued to focus on my breathing and relaxing. I used my Hypnobirth visualisations, and sort of went into my own world. I remember being incredibly thirsty, but unable to drink without feeling sick, so I munched on ice to cool me down and try and quench my thirst.

Mitch sat with me in the bathroom, but there wasn't really a lot he could do - I didn't want to be spoken to or touched, but having water poured over me during contractions still seemed to help. I listened to Death Cab and focused on getting through each pain, but still felt really disheartened by the fact this could be going all night.

At one point something just snapped and I couldn't be in the bath anymore. I jumped out, then back in, then out again. Nothing felt right. I lay on the bed eating ice, then leaned against the walls, then got back in the bath.

I couldn't stay still, and had completely lost the ability to relax my muscles during contractions. I was trying not to tighten my hands and face but with each contraction I was trying my hardest not to scream or shout out, and just focus on breathing and counting. I was sick a few times, and just felt awful - so warm and incredibly uncomfortable.

With hindsight, this time was probably transition, but I didn't know that at the time. If I'd known I was near the end it would have probably made everything a little more bearable. Actually, probably not! It was difficult, and I think Mitch struggled with feeling a little useless. I'd gone from being able to cope and breathe and laugh in the gaps between contractions, to literally clawing at the walls and trying not to shout out in pain.

I can't remember if it was me or Mitch who suggested it, but about 8.00 we decided to head to the hospital. I literally chucked on some jogging bottoms and a top and ran out the house, knowing I was contracting every 2 / 3 minutes for about 45 seconds, so would have to contract in the car. Being strapped into the seatbelt made everything so much worse - it felt like someone was holding me down and pushing me back when all I wanted to do was stretch and move. The 10 minute car ride seemed to take an hour, with every red light seeming to conspire against us.

We parked up, and I remember that between the car and the hospital entrance I had 2 contractions - a space of about 150m? I knew that if I wasn't further along than I'd be begging for drugs - something I'd never wanted, but I was losing the ability to cope. I had a contraction in the hospital lobby, and some people were asking if I needed a wheelchair. I remember thinking that I didn't have time for them to muck about getting a chair, so I literally ran for the lift to the labour ward.

When we arrived I was shown into the same room as before, but it was no longer a relaxing environment. I was sick some more, and the midwife asked to examine me. I couldn't bare the thought of staying still, but I needed to know if I was any closer. Thankfully, I was 7cm/8cm. Mitch rang my mum to come, and I was offered some gas and air.

The gas and air was bittersweet - it didn't seem to make thing less painful, just made me less aware in a drunken way. I hated the way it made me feel - I wasn't focused and I was less in control. But it allowed me to carry on - and I was still able to count and visualise. I kept asking them about the birthing pool, as I was desperate to get back in the water. They'd been filling it up, but it took 20 minutes to do so. I was focused on getting in the pool - I knew how much the water had helped with the contractions before. Mitch went to get bags from the car, and my mum arrived and began rubbing my back which helped a lot.

Literally 1 minute after Mitch had left the room I knew I was pushing. It wasn't something I was choosing to do, it was something my body was doing whether I liked it or not. I tried not to, but I wasn't really the one making the decisions, and my body had taken over.

I think midwives came in at this point, but I have no idea how many people or who was in the room at this point! I was just concentrating on breathing and rocking. Breathing. Rocking. Counting.

They finished filling the pool about 9.30 (I think?) and I jumped in as quickly as possible. Immediately it felt better, but I also knew that this baby was coming now. I stopped using the gas and air, and focused completely on pushing. Strangely, I found this part a lot easier than the contractions - it gave me something to focus on and the pain was much more concentrated rather than being a whole body pain.

After a little while (maybe 15 minutes? Will have to ask!) of pushing, her head crowned. I reached down and touched her, and knew she would be born soon. On the next contraction, I reached down, and caught my beautiful baby girl.

I pulled her onto my chest, and looked into her beautiful eyes for the first time. I looked at her lovely curly hair, and her beautiful fingers and toes. Immediately all the pain melted away, and I knew that in that moment we were the luckiest people in the world.

(I've obviously edited the pictures to make them internet appropriate!)

Alice Elizabeth arrived at 9.52, and we stayed in the pool for about 30 minutes after. We had our first feed, and lots of closeness.

Eventually I walked over to the bed, and Alice was taken to be weighed and checked over. She was 7lb 14oz of perfection! Mitch also managed to get his first cuddle with his little girl.

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Eventually we were taken down to the ward, where I had a lovely section all to myself for the duration of my stay in hospital!

I have only positive things to say about my birth. I found the Hypnobirthing techniques, and the birth affirmations mp3 to be incredibly helpful. I knew that my body could do this, and I could cope without intervention. I was able to stay calm, and focused, and let my body do all the hard work. I found the water birth experience to be amazing, and being able to deliver her myself was incredible.

I know I was incredibly lucky with my birth and labour, but the most lucky to have met my amazing little girl.

With love and light xo

Birth Story - Part 2

Okay, so I'd written Part 1 here, and I realised I'd only thought about writing Part 2, and never actually got round to it! So here it is. This may be part 2 of 3, depending on how fussy the baby is in the next half an hour...

At about 9am we arrived home from being checked at the hospital, back to our empty house. As I mentioned before it seemed quite surreal, as we knew everything was imminent yet it all seemed to be hours, days, even years away. I looked round the house and tidied and pottered, but failed to be able to imagine a tiny little person being brought back here!

I got in bed for a while, and listened to the hypnobirth CD a few times, and the birth affirmations mp3 which I found really helpful. Hypnobirth isn't about hypnotising yourself, just reassuring your body that you can do this, and trying to stay calm. I drifted in and out of sleep, listening to the tracks on repeat and trying to take it all in.

I got up and tried to nap on the sofa while Mitch played some PS3, but Lola joined me for a little cuddle and I occupied myself on the internet, browsing blogs and Babycentre. The thing that worried me most was being induced - I was determined to try and have as natural a birth as possible, and I knew that being induced the next morning increased my chances of having a longer labour, a harder labour, and increased my risk of interventions and drugs. I decided that after lunch, Operation Evict Baby must begin! The birth ball came down and I started bouncing.

Mitch headed out to find us some snacks for lunch, and to pack a few last minute hospital bag snacks. At this point, we still thought I'd be stuck at the hospital for hours / days in labour, and between us we'd pretty much packed a picnic! I also really fancied birthday cake for some reason, and what better day to have birthday cake then when you're going to give birth?!

While on the sofa I had a few tightenings, which I weren't sure if they were contractions or not. I had achey joints and an achey back, so decided to run a bath with some of the oils given to me by the midwife to naturally induce labour. I figured at the very least I'd have a lovely bath - nothing to lose there!! So we ran a lovely warm bath, and poured in the aromatherapy oils, they smelled lovely but I wasn't particularly convinced they would do anything.

Either by coincidence or science, as soon as I was in the bath my contractions started properly. This was about 2.30, I only know this from looking at the tags on the photos. At first they were just a little uncomfortable, and quite interesting to watch - I could see my stomach change shape and become harder as they happened. Then they became more uncomfortable. I listened to Rilo Kiley while Mitch sat and talked to me - with each contraction he poured water on my stomach as that seemed to help distract from the discomfort.

I spent an hour or so in the bath, then decided to get out and see if the contractions carried on or stopped. They carried on, so Mitch put on the TENS machine for me to give me something else to focus on. I have no concept of time at this point, but I think I spent the next few hours bouncing on the ball while we timed my contractions.

About 5pm, my mum came down to see us, and we decided that since my contractions were every 3 minutes apart we should head up to the hospital. Just me and Mitch headed up to be checked out, and I remember the car ride being hell. I was so used to being able to move and bounce and flex with contractions that being strapped down was a nightmare. This made me much more determined to try and avoid being induced, where I could end up be monitored and strapped down.

I was able to use my hypnobirth techniques to breathe and relax through the contractions, but they were now painful, and I was dreading each one. I was focused on the fact that each contraction was 1 closer to meeting baby, and 1 less I'd have to go through.

The midwife admitted me to a room and checked me over - I was only 2cm dilated (you have to be 10!). Gutted doesn't even describe how I felt, as pains were still coming every 3 minutes, lasting about 45 seconds. I kept apologising to the midwife, I felt like a complete wuss for coming in. She told me to come back the next morning to be induced if nothing more had happened, and just to try and get some sleep.

Feeling a bit down, we headed to my mums and passed on the news. I'd resigned myself to being in it for the long haul, so I tried to eat some tea. As the contractions got worse, I became quieter and more focused on relaxing. With each contraction I counted, knowing that by the time I got to 100 I wouldn't be in pain any more. I breathed with the counting, and made sure my hands and face were relaxed.

I couldn't cope with people talking and being around me any more, so we headed for home, probably about 7ish. From here to the actual birth everything is sort of a blur to me.

Right, Alice is crying so I'll leave it there for now! Part 3 to follow some time in the next week. Promise.

With love and light xo

25+2 - Resolutions

Oh I completely forgot - New Years Resolutions! I don't normally do these, but 2011 is a fresh start, sooooooo:

1. Have a healthy and relaxed (as much as possible!) last 15 weeks of pregnancy. I know this is something I can't really control, but I'd like it to be a resolution anyway!

2. Don't wish the time away! It's so easy to count down the pregnancy and wish weeks away, but I need to make sure I appreciate every second and how amazing it is.

3. Remind myself every day how lucky I am. Self explanatory, but sometimes I may need to be reminded! I have an amazing boyfriend, family, extended family, and I really am incredibly lucky!

4. Buy some hypnobirthing books / CDs, and use them. I can't really afford any of the courses, but I really want to try and use some of these techniques to have a positive birth. This may seem a bit silly to some people, but that leads me on to my next point....

5. Grow some balls! Sorry to be crass, but I really need to learn to stand up for myself and things I believe. I know millions of people in the world has been through birth and raising children, but I also know that I need to try some things and decide for myself! I'm well aware that I will be wrong lots of the time, but that's okay :)

And finally...

6. Do my best. Obvious, but I need to remind myself that this is all I can do. I am only one person, not ten million people.

Anyone else got any resolutions they'd like to share?

With love and light xo

9+4 - Worry!

So today I’ve woken up, and I don’t feel sick. I managed to eat a whole bowl of cereal without gagging. I managed to scrape things into the bin without gagging. I drove all the way to work without having to pull over. I thought I’d be celebrating, but instead I can’t stop convincing myself something’s wrong! I just want to have my scan and be reassured that everything’s okay. I don’t want to worry so much!

Watched “Cherry Has A Baby” last night and ended up crying several times! There was an amazing lady having a waterbirth using hypnobirthing techniques and she just had such a calm and relaxed birth. After a bit of research, I think it’s something I’d really like to look into, after realising it’s not really about the kind of hypnosis I imagined! I also think I’d really like to have a water birth – it’s something I need to look into at the hospital and see whether it’s something I could have there or at home.

One of the first lines from the show was “My name’s Cherry, and I got pregnant on the coil.” This seems to be everywhere now! I did a little more research last night, but my theory is that obviously people aren’t going to write about their coil working perfectly, so the results on the internet are rather skewed to reflect coil failure.

Had another deep sleep last night with crazy dreams – they seem to be much clearer than ever before. Last night was spiders and witches and holes in the ground! Spent some time reading through the baby names app on my phone before I went to bed and another name jumped out at me, but still have to run it past M. I have a feeling that he’ll hate it but I dreamed about it all night. I’m trying not to think about names till 20 weeks but it’s so difficult! I end up reading names on all the titles of TV shows and running them all through my mind. So far I like a grand total of 0 boys names, and a small handfull of girls names.

Finding writing in the blog very theraputic, so will hopefully carry on doing this. I don't know how much time I'll get when work kicks back in but we will see!

With love and light xo