Birth Story!

I was 8 days overdue, and completely and utterly fed up! I wasn't sleeping well, or at all really, as baby was forever kicking me in the ribs, so Mitchell had took Alice downstairs and left me in bed to try and get a little more sleep. At this point I was convinced I was going to be pregnant for the next 25 years, because I’m nothing if not melodramatic!

I’d been having mild contractions on and off all week, but nothing super painful and nothing to convince me that baby was coming. I’d had 2 sweeps, and was booked in for a third on the Monday morning to try and get things moving along. I’d already pushed to delay induction to term+14 rather than term+12, and was beginning to resign myself to induction at some point. Mitch was fed up of the smell of Clary Sage which apparently smells like dirt and goth shops. I had walked and walked, marched up and down stairs, bounced on balls, and had plenty of curry. I would say the effectiveness of all these things was 0!

On the sunny Saturday morning I woke up and stumbled / waddled to the bathroom, and shouted Mitch upstairs. I wasn’t sure, but I thought my waters might have broken.

And that was pretty much the question all day Saturday – had they or hadn’t they?! With Alice it was such a definite so I was unsure and felt really silly for not knowing. I called the midwife around midday and they sent someone out just after lunch. I felt really negative as I thought I was just being silly and wasting everyone’s time, and I hated the uncertainty. The midwife wasn’t sure either, but explained the hospital’s policy – induction after 24 hours if labour hadn’t started. I explained how keen I was to avoid induction, especially if we weren’t even sure if it was my waters! She agreed to leave me a few hours to see what happened, and take it from there.

I spent the afternoon feeling sorry for myself on the sofa, and when the midwife called back later (4pm-ish) I still didn’t really know either way. She suggested I go to the hospital later for them to check if my waters had gone, and I reluctantly agreed – if only to see that they hadn’t gone and avoid induction / stop the uncertainty!

We sent Alice to go with Mitch’s mum and dad overnight, and I still felt really silly for wasting everyone’s time. Surely if it had been my waters I would have felt a twinge by now? I avoided telling people I was going up to hospital so I didn’t disappoint when I came home!

Around 7pm we headed up to hospital, only to find out that only 1 person was allowed in triage with me, so mum ended up in the hospital reception for the next 2 hours on her own – sorry mum! I was assured that we’d only be there an hour, but ended up waiting around until 9.30. Being in the hospital reminded me of all the reasons I wanted a homebirth. It was unorganized, I was uncomfortable, I couldn’t have the people I wanted there, and we were mostly ignored. Obviously I don’t blame the midwives, I wasn’t a priority as I wasn’t in labour! But I was fed up and just wanted to go home.

Silver lining though – my waters had definitely gone! They tried to schedule me for induction at 10am the next day till I told them they could book it, but I wouldn’t be turning up. Eventually we agreed on 4pm the next day. I was feeling confident my body would go into labour before then, and that everything would work out. I was also too tired for more of an argument!

We all headed home, and I tried to have some food, knowing I would be needing the energy at some point in the next few hours (hopefully!). At this point, I was kind of hoping I’d get at least a few hours sleep to prepare! I sent my mum and Mitchell to bed, and told them I’d wake them when needed.

I tried to go to bed around 10pm, and had a fitful sleep, waking up with pains but trying to ignore them. Around midnight I got up and decided that sleep wasn’t happening so I’d get up and have a potter round.

I spent the next hour bouncing on the birthing ball and chatting to my brother on Facebook. I’d decided to start timing the pains, and they were around every 4/5 mins lasting for 45 seconds. Around 12pm I could still breathe and type through them, but when it got to 1am I was having to really concentrate on them and close my eyes / breathe deeply.

After timing them for an hour, I decided I was definitely in early labour, but coping okay and was probably going to be a very long time! I rung the midwives just to say I was in labour, but that I probably didn’t need anyone just yet. I decided to go upstairs and give Mitchell a prod and see if he was awake, and let him know what was going on.

Mitch got up after 1ish and started filling the pool as we knew it took around an hour to fill. I tried to persuade him not to fill it yet, as I thought I’d be another 8+ hours and didn’t want the water to get cold! He put me the TENS machine on but it wasn’t doing a huge amount. I was concentrating on breathing and counting through contractions, but had given up timing them. When the pool was full I sent him in the living room to try and get some more sleep while I labored with some music on.

I tried to lie down and rest, and I think he managed 5 minutes before I jumped up and shouted out for help – on the contraction I’d felt the baby move down, and my waters went in a much more dramatic fashion. Suddenly the bearable contractions had become much more intense, and I was having to really breathe and moan through them. I was trying to avoid getting in the pool for as long as possible, as I knew it could slow labour down, and I was trying to make sure I really felt the benefit when I got in.

After a few more intense contractions, I decided to jump in the pool and see what happened. I had a few more contractions in the pool, and they were coming on much closer and stronger – around every 3/4 minutes for a minute. Around 2.30am I told Mitch to call the midwives and get them to head over at some point soon. He rung my mum at same time, and we told her not to rush over – just head over at some point in the next hour or so.

I was still joking and chatting in between contractions, but was having to really concentrate on trying to relax and breathe with the pains. My mum arrived around 2.45 and I still felt bad for getting her out of bed when it would probably be hours!

The midwife arrived around 15 mins later, around 3am. (I have no idea of any of these times I’m just bugging Mitch!) At this point I was remembering how painful was! I felt quite shaky and weak inbetween contractions, but could focus and concentrate on the pains. Mitch and my mum took it in turns rubbing my back for contractions and that really helped me focus and concentrate more.

I was contracting about every 3 minutes, so the midwife was trying to do her checks in the gaps! She checked babies heartbeat – contraction – my pulse – contraction – blood pressure – contraction. Then the dreaded words – “Would you like me to check how far along you are?”. I knew from reading lots of birth stories that it could be a double edged sword – if she said 3cm would I be able to cope? Would I want to give up and have all the drugs? I decided I needed to know! I have never been so thankful to hear someone say 8cm in my entire life!

This was around 3.15, so she quickly decided to get things out the car and call the second midwife – although I was well lost in labour land at this point and didn’t really notice!

After a few more contractions I knew that my body was pushing whether I wanted to or not. Whereas last time I found the pushing helpful to concentrate pain, this time it made it more painful, but I knew it meant it was getting to the end.

I had a few big contractions, lots of big pushing, and then a head! Her head was born, then I had to wait for another contraction – it seemed to take forever but was probably only a minute. Then, at 3.34am on 8th September 2013, Violet was born into the world!

There was no time for gas an air, no second midwife, and Mitch was definitely disappointed he didn’t have time for his buffet.

The second midwife turned up a little later, and she weighed Violet at 9lb 2oz! At this point I was convinced I would need lots of stitches, so was super relieved when I jumped out the pool to find I wouldn’t need any – for that I can only thank the pool!

The midwives stayed for a little while, I gave baby a feed which she took to like an absolute pro. Probably too well actually – she fed pretty much constantly for the first 5 days!

Around 4.30 everyone went home, Mitch saw me up to bed and tucked me in to feed Violet. He tidied round for an hour or so, then we were all alone as a family. Having a homebirth was an incredible experience – yes it was painful, but it was also empowering. I felt completely relaxed and comfortable in my environment, I got to go to my bed and eat my own food and listen to my own music! There was no mad rush to hospital – I’m not sure I would have made it as we wouldn’t have started to head in till around 3!

It also meant that the next day Alice came home to meet her baby sister, in her own environment. I was terrified how they would get along, but Alice completely dotes on her sister. We will see how well this lasts when Mitch goes back to work so she has to share me!

All in all, I had a fantastic birth experience. Today she is 11 days old and physically I feel great. Even the same day I was up and about and tidying / cleaning and lifting. I felt better that day than I had for the last few months of pregnancy!

We’ve struggled a lot more with breastfeeding this time, and I would say I’ve found feeding a lot harder than the birth. Because of her size, she was born starving! And whereas Alice slept a lot for the first few days, Violet just fed pretty much constantly. Up to around day 8/9 I had issues with cracks / bleeding when feeding and was finding it incredibly difficult to persuade myself to feed each time – it just hurt so bad!

But, we seem to have broken the back of feeding and not in pain anymore. Still feeding often, but that’s what babies do! Glad to have (hopefully) got through the other side of the misery!

Mitch’s paternity leave has completely flown by, and I’m really hoping for a lottery win this weekend. I have no idea how I’m going to manage with them both, and how I’m going to entertain Alice while I’m feeding, but we’ll just have to figure it out!

Violet is completely perfect. She is huge, and out of some of her newborn clothes already :(. She looks exactly like her sister did, but has much more hair, and its definitely a little darker – maybe not another blonde?

Posts may be a little thin on the ground while I figure out how to be a mum of 2! But wanted to write this all down before I forgot it.

TL;DR version – I had a baby. She is awesome. I had her at home without pain relief because I’m badass. We are all in love!

With love and light xo

Milk Weaning - The Story So Far...

The past few weeks we have been part weaning from breastfeeding. I've been trying to avoid writing about this for many reasons.

I guess the main one is the "I told you so's." There are always people who think you should have done this months ago. There are also people who think you should never do it and let babies wean when they're ready. I think every baby is different, and I think every way is hard. This has been working for us so far.

The other reason is that I don't want to sound like I know what I'm doing! I don't - simple. It's easy to come across as preachy - "this is the way to do it". This is only one way of doing it and definitely not the right way - just a way!

Anyway - with that out the way - this is what we've been doing.

I've been dreading returning to work. For all the obvious reasons related to leaving Alice, but also because she was incredibly dependent on me.

We were still feeding to sleep for all naps. Alice was still breastfeeding 5 times a day, plus once in the night (we only got that down from twice a month or so ago). However this was fine by me - I was in no rush to tackle it and we were happy. I'm pretty much happy to plod along with the whole attachment parenting train, and I loved most of it. (Bits I didn't love included no sleep!)

So I decided it was time to adapt it a little. We've been kind of loosely using the No Cry Sleep Solution, mixed with a lot of Dr. Sears, and a bit of Lizz is just making this shit up. It seems to be working for us!

I started off with the 10am nap. I know Alice didn't NEED milk then, just kinda wanted it, so I started trying to rock her down to sleep. This started off as a nightmare, then got easier. I count to keep my sanity and know that I've not been up there forever!

After about a week of this I attempted the afternoon nap. This is the least successful - Alice hates afternoon naps! Same again - trying to rock to sleep. This is still a work in progress and can be a bit hit or miss.

So at this point I'm 2 weeks in and have managed to drop all feeds between 9 and 5 - hurrah! I'm feeling better about returning to work, and everyone's happy! I could stop here and be happy. She is getting much better at getting herself to sleep - probably 50% of the time she manages it.

However - I'm all about following Alice. And the past 3 days - she's dropped her 5pm breastfeed too. Andddd has been sleeping through. This is like a pure miracle. Literally I could weep.

I'm not expecting this to continue forever, but at the moment we're down to 2 feeds a day. Both milk feeds have been replaced by snack times instead. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Breastfeeding is hard. No-one tells you how hard it is. Or time consuming. Or isolating at times. However - future Lizz remember this - it gets better!!

With love and light xo

Breastfeeding Awareness Week

This week is Breastfeeding Awareness Week, so I thought I'd share a few things that we've found invaluable! We have been exclusively bf for 10 weeks now, so while I obviously don't claim to know everything, I can share a few things that have helped us :)

In the first few weeks, lansinoh cream was a miracle cream. It's a pure lanolin cream to help with cracked / bleeding nipples, and it really does make a difference. It is a little expensive, but the other creams are a waste of money in my opinion! Don't be mean with it either - it is your friend! After a few weeks you probably won't need it, so use it after each feed.

It also really helps to have a lot of "top off" / naked time in the beginning, to try and get some air. Obviously you will have lots of visitors in the first few weeks, so maybe don't walk around naked all the time (unless that's your kind of thing!) but whenever you get chance. Breastmilk is also a wonderful thing, with tons of healing qualities, so a little expressed milk will do wonders to help heal painful nipples.

In the beginning, I think something that really helped was having realistic expectations. This counts for both you and your partner! I'd explained to Mitchell what would happen, and that she would be feeding a lot over the first few weeks, and what I expected / wanted him to do. A supportive partner is a must for successful breastfeeding, and if they don't understand what's happening how can they be supportive?

Mitch's jobs for the first few weeks involved making me food and drink (winner!), tidying up, and nappy changes. This meant that I could get little naps where possible, stayed hydrated (very important), and occasionally even shower. Mitch has added that it helps to be very specific with what you want doing - e.g. could you clean the bathroom please. I found this really difficult as I hate asking for help and was trying to do everything myself for the first week. It took a massive breakdown in tired tears to realise I wasn't wonder woman and I needed help! We're still working on me delegating, as I do like to be a super hero :P

Along with having a supportive partner, make sure your family and friends know what you want to do. I know in the first few weeks that I was really sensitive about bf, and negative comments would have really hurt me.

Even though I'd done tons of research and spoken to people, I still had a slightly unrealistic idea of what to do / what would happen. I cannot stress enough times - it is painful and you will feed ALL THE TIME. But it gets better. Promise.

Invest in some decent nursing bras - I thought 2 would be enough, but didn't factor in baby sick / milk leakage! I have 4, which seems to do me fine. Mothercare ones are also quite pretty and have some nice patterns, which saves you feeling super gross.

You can purchase specific nursing tops, but I found their to be a limited selection and they were quite expensive. I'm quite happy with tops I can pull down - but I have wrecked the neck on a few tops because of this. At the moment I find a vest top and cardigan / boy shirt works best for discreet boob access.

It all depends on how discreet you want to be I guess - I don't mind showing a bit of boob but would be embarrassed showing my entire tummy, so would never dream of lifting a top up! Wear something you feel comfortable in, and maybe practice feeding discretely till you get than hang of it.

Not that you should have to be discreet - just may make you feel a little more comfortable at the beginning. I'm not putting any nursing covers or anything on this list, as I've found that every time I try and cover up when feeding, it only makes it more obvious what I'm doing! I've found that if you seem to just get on with it, no-one really notices and everyone is happy. When baby is latched on there is literally nothing to see anyway.

One recommendation from a friend was pillows. I'd bought a Widgey nursing pillow but I hate it - I can never get the latch write using it! But, 2 cheap Tesco pillows have been a lifesaver - I can prop baby up on them any way I need to and take some of the pressure off my arms, because babies are heavy! The first few weeks Alice was here my wrists just ached so much from supporting her head all the time.

This week I've just discovered Lilypadz reusable breast pads, and I must say I'm really impressed. They're about £14 but I'd definitely recommend them so far.

Finally, don't feel guilty whatever happens. Breast is undoubtedly best, but what is most important is a happy baby and a happy mummy :). Do what feels right for you - you're in control and you make the decisions.

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 2 Months

(Your daddy loves this picture for some reason!)

Dear Alice,

Today you are 2 months old exactly. That means it is exactly 2 months, pretty much to the same time of day, that you came into the world. How amazing is that?

So much changes every day that it's so difficult to remember how quickly you are growing up. I keep trying to take a step back and appreciate how perfect you are, and how big you're becoming!

At 2 months old:

- You weighed 10lb 10oz a few weeks ago, so I would guess you're probably just over 11lb now. You are still very long, so we think you're going to be a tall little lady!

- You are now completely out of your newborn clothes, and struggling to fit into a lot of your 0-3 sleepsuits - mostly because of your length rather than your size! I'm trying to cram as much wear into your beautiful little clothes before we have to start putting some of them away.

- We are now using cloth nappies exclusively, including at night. So far we're still doing really well, and as mentioned in the previous post we are really happy with these. You seem to really like having a big cuddly bum too! We are also using reusable wipes when we are at home now to avoid using chemicals as much as possible :)

- You had the first set of your jabs, which was awful but necessary. You have another 2 sets to go at 12 weeks and 16 weeks. Mummy doesn't like seeing you in pain!!

- The most exciting development for us (well me!) is that you are now smiling! And what a beautiful smile it is too. You completely beam at daddy, and it just makes everything seem perfect. You don't smile as much for mummy but I think that's because you see me all the time! You smile in the bath, and especially smile in the mornings when you're in bed having a cuddle with mummy and daddy.

- You're holding your head up and looking round a lot more. You always want to be sat up and seeing what's going on in the world - you don't want to be lay down as you want to be a nosy bear!

- You're also now awake a lot more during the day. I'm hoping that this means over the next few months your night time sleep will get better, but we're not going to force you into a routine. You're in charge little one :)

- Mummy is getting a little more confident with feeding, and we've been feeding out and about. I finally feel like we've cracked it, and that I can hopefully carry on breastfeeding till we're both done!

- You react a lot more to voices and noises, and you follow people round and focusing on their eyes. It also means you want to be looking at mummy all the time, so you love being in your bouncy chair and watching me make lunch or vacuum up!

You can read the other Dear Alice posts by clicking here :)

With love and light xo

6 Weeks

Alice is now over 6 weeks old, and a lot has happened in the past few weeks! These past few days she has just started with a few little smiles - daddy was the first to see one of these but she's flashed a few more over the weekend. She has a beautiful smile, and it just makes everything in the world light up! Although I'm obviously going to think that.

She's much more alert, and is constantly looking round and taking in the sights and sounds around her. When we're out in the pram she sometimes cries, just because she can't see the world! She makes eye contact with everyone, and follows faces and voices round the room.

We had a lovely day out last weekend to Newstead Abbey, to look round the gardens and have a walk in the sunshine! It's so nice to be able to get out and about a little more now, especially as a little family. It's getting easier to go out now I'm more confident with breastfeeding, as having to time everything round feeds and sleep was proving difficult! Over the past week she has fed in Newstead Abbey, 2 pubs and a garden centre! No negativity as of yet, and each time I'm becoming a little braver I think. I'm determined that I'm not going to stay in the house all the time, so this needs to be done.

A few snaps from Newstead -

We're still getting on well with the cloth nappies, and have now managed to start using these at night time too. We both seem to favour the Bum Genius nappies, so I'm glad I mostly got these. I'm really glad we decided to use cloth - they look so comfy and squidgy! I realised I had no photos of little one in the nappies, so here is her in an Itti Bitti Snap-In-One -

I just cannot believe how big she is getting. She is being weighed on Thursday by the health visitor, so we'll see how much weight she's actually put on. She's out of all her newborn clothes now, and nearly out of some of her 0-3 month clothes!

Finally, a big congratulations to Charlotte and Holly on the birth of their lovely little girls, we are all so lucky :)

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 1 Month

Dear Alice,

Yesterday you were exactly 1 month old! Where has this time gone? I cannot believe it was a month ago today that you arrived into the world, and changed our lives in every possible way for the better!

In the past month so much has changed, yet it feels like you've always been here and have always been part of our lives. In part I'm excited by how much you've grown in the last month, but I'm also terrified - I love you being so tiny and so dependent on us, and part of me wishes you could just stay so small forever!

At one month old:

- You now focus your eyes a lot more, and make eye contact with whoever is holding you or talking to you at that moment! You follow people or objects around the room (especially mummy!!) and seem quite alert and interested in the world - more so every day.

- Every day you are awake more and sleep slightly less in the day, seeming much more interested in cuddles, being awake, and food!

- I feel like we've finally got the hang of breastfeeding, after many ups and downs. I'm sure there will be a lot more to come, but it no longer hurts, and your latch is now spot on most of the time. You are a very hungry baby but you seem to be growing big and strong so that's fine by me! I have no idea how much you weigh at the moment but you are definitely growing.

- One of the ways we can tell you've grown - you're nearly out of your newborn clothes! That's so sad - you were barely in them 5 minutes! We can still fit in a few so we're mixing and matching with the 0-3 month clothes.

- We are now using cloth nappies all day, and still using disposables at night. We all seem to be loving the cloth nappies, and I definitely love the funky patterns! We're not using BTP nappies yet, just the small size ones. Favourite brands so far - definitely the Bum Genius AIO, followed by TotsBots Teenyfits. On daddy's suggestion we're trying cloth tonight so will keep the blog updated...

- Had sort of settled into a routine, but then have completely thrown it out the past few days! We'll see how you go - you're letting us know which routines work for you and that's fine by us.

- We both miss daddy every day when he's at work, and look forward to 5 when he comes home to give us both cuddles! It's so strange, I feel like we wake up in the morning, then 10 minutes later it's time for Mitch to come home - the day completely flies by and I have no idea where the time goes!

Finally, in just 1 month, neither of us can imagine life without you. You bring lots of sunshine into our lives, along with poo-y nappies and sicky shoulders :)

With love and light xo

25 Days

I've not had chance to write part 2 on the birth story, but wanted to write a quick update!

We're all settling in to normal life now Mitch has gone back to work (last week). I think I had slightly unrealistic expectations of what I'd be able to do on maternity leave - I was determined I wouldn't sit on my bum watching Jezza Kyle and I'm beginning to realise that sometimes I'm going to have to do that for a big chunk of the day while Alice feeds!

At least for these first few weeks I'm lucky if I manage a shower and to eat lunch, but I'm sure it will get easier as we fall into a routine and she can go a little longer between feeds. Today I'm hoping to get into Mansfield for a wander round this afternoon, but I've learned I can't really plan anything at the moment - quite frustrating for a serial organiser such as myself!

The midwife came last Tuesday to weigh Alice and she'd put weight on to 8lb 7oz! That's half a pound in 5 days - fantastic weight gain! The midwife signed us off so she won't be weighed now until she's 8 weeks old, unless I go to any of the Surestart clinics.

We've had a few good nights and a few bad nights, we get up normally 3 times a night, but the thing that varies is normally how long she stays up for. The easy feeds we're up for 45 minutes, the hard ones could be a couple of hours.

She's certainly developing and changing a lot! Her eyes are beginning to focus and she'll look at people's faces / follow them if they move. She's more alert and spends much more time awake than she did at the beginning. She'll now sit awake and look around without crying, just quite content to be sat and being held. She loves cuddles, to be held, and loves being bounced and rocked.

Anyway, a few photos :)

With love and light xo

12 Days

I haven't forgotten about the blog, and I have about amillion and one things to say, but I just don't know how to write them down! The time is absolutely flying by, every time I look at the clock it's as if another day has passed and I have no idea how to slow it down. It's the scariest thing in the world, as I know I'm going to blink and she won't be this tiny little thing anymore.

The first 10 days of breastfeeding were / are incredibly difficult. I thought we'd cracked it a little more yesterday but we've had a very fussy and hungry baby today so I think saying we're doing well is a bad idea! I could literally not have carried on with feeding without Mitch's support - bringing me drinks and holding my hand when I was crying because it hurts, or because our little screaming baby won't latch despite the fact I know she's super hungry.

We really struggled between day 3/4 and day 8 - she wouldn't latch for an hour each time and we'd both be getting more and more upset, with her occasionally being passed to dad to calm down before we tried again. Knowing that she was hungry and that I wasn't able to feed her was killing me, but through a mix of expressing, technique, and perseverance we seem to be a little better now.

I think for me the hardest thing about breastfeeding is not knowing how much she's getting, or indeed if she's getting any at all. Especially on a day like today where she's feeding constantly - you can't help but doubt the quantity / quality. The health visitors coming tomorrow to weigh her and I'm dreading how much more weight she's lost. At 4 days she'd lost 4% (they allow up to 10%) so I'm hoping and praying she's not lost a lot more.

Add to this the mix of hormones and lack of sleep and new parent worries and breastfeeding becomes much more difficult than I ever imagined! However it's also amazing and perfect and the best thing in the world when it's going well. I'm also getting super strong arms which will be a bonus for climbing :P

Yesterday I also fed in public for the first time, in the middle of a park full of people! I was really scared / apprehensive, but when it came down to it she needed feeding and it didn't really even cross my mind until I was already doing it. My mum was with me and sort of covered me over with a blanket and sat next to me to shield me a bit, but no-one even looked up. I've also fed in front of lots of family members I didn't think I'd be able to, but the moment and feeling of embarrassment disappears as soon as she starts crying - she needs feeding and she is my priority!

I know I've just written an essay about boobzzz but that's pretty much all I am at the moment - food on legs! I just wanted to write about how hard it is, so hopefully other people can be prepared. But it's so worth it, don't let me put you off! And it's getting easier every day :)

Sleep wise we're doing okay, or as well as can be expected. For example, last night I was up 10.00 - 11.30, 1.00 - 2.30, 4.30 - 6 then up at 7.30. Trying to take naps in the day but that's tricky as I want to be able to do things and tidy and be a human being!

We've been really lucky to have had some beautiful sunshine this past few weeks, so even though we've not been able to go far, we've been aiming to have at least a little wander round the block every day - just to get some fresh air and make me feel a bit less like a prisoner! I'm loving pushing the pram around, and so far I only have good things to say about our pram - fully recommended so far!

I will get round to writing up my birth story soon, hopefully before I forget it! It may have to be written in parts though. I know this entry is long and boob related, but to summarise - we are all fine, Alice is beautiful, and we are all very much in love :).

With love and light xo

1 Week

Today my beautiful little girl is one week old. I've been thinking all week about what profound things I could write for my first blog entry, and how I could explain just how much my / our lives have changed in a week. I keep coming up blank.

She is so completely perfect in every single way. I love her so much it's actually quite scary - how are we possibly going to carry on with our lives without spending every second watching her? Listening to her breathing, stroking her hair, watching her perfect little lips purse and stroking her beautiful hair?

I've got so much to say I don't know where to start! I want to write about the hospital, about her birth and first few days and milestones, and I don't want to forget anything! But then I also don't want to spend my time writing about it - I want to live it and breathe it.

To summarise - the beautiful Alice Elizabeth was born at 9.52pm on the 14th April, weighing 7lb 14 oz.

We had the birth we wanted, and I fully intend to write up the birth story soon! A water birth, using the tens machine with a little gas and air towards the end, and she was perfect from the second she was born.

We're struggling with a lot of things, and sometimes it feels like this is an impossible task. We're persevering with breastfeeding, although we've had a few mini melt downs. Who'd have thought something so natural could be so difficult? I don't think I'll feel better about it till she starts gaining weight, which could be up to a month. It's completely not what I imagined but when it's going well it's amazing. When it's not going well it's impossible. We're taking every feed as it comes.

I literally could not have gotten through this past week without the support and help of Mitch - he is the most amazing daddy in the world, and has completely looked after us both all week. I didn't realise I could have so much love to share with daddy and baby!

I'll hopefully be able to blog a little more now I've got used to typing one handed!

With love and light xo