12 Days

I haven't forgotten about the blog, and I have about amillion and one things to say, but I just don't know how to write them down! The time is absolutely flying by, every time I look at the clock it's as if another day has passed and I have no idea how to slow it down. It's the scariest thing in the world, as I know I'm going to blink and she won't be this tiny little thing anymore.

The first 10 days of breastfeeding were / are incredibly difficult. I thought we'd cracked it a little more yesterday but we've had a very fussy and hungry baby today so I think saying we're doing well is a bad idea! I could literally not have carried on with feeding without Mitch's support - bringing me drinks and holding my hand when I was crying because it hurts, or because our little screaming baby won't latch despite the fact I know she's super hungry.

We really struggled between day 3/4 and day 8 - she wouldn't latch for an hour each time and we'd both be getting more and more upset, with her occasionally being passed to dad to calm down before we tried again. Knowing that she was hungry and that I wasn't able to feed her was killing me, but through a mix of expressing, technique, and perseverance we seem to be a little better now.

I think for me the hardest thing about breastfeeding is not knowing how much she's getting, or indeed if she's getting any at all. Especially on a day like today where she's feeding constantly - you can't help but doubt the quantity / quality. The health visitors coming tomorrow to weigh her and I'm dreading how much more weight she's lost. At 4 days she'd lost 4% (they allow up to 10%) so I'm hoping and praying she's not lost a lot more.

Add to this the mix of hormones and lack of sleep and new parent worries and breastfeeding becomes much more difficult than I ever imagined! However it's also amazing and perfect and the best thing in the world when it's going well. I'm also getting super strong arms which will be a bonus for climbing :P

Yesterday I also fed in public for the first time, in the middle of a park full of people! I was really scared / apprehensive, but when it came down to it she needed feeding and it didn't really even cross my mind until I was already doing it. My mum was with me and sort of covered me over with a blanket and sat next to me to shield me a bit, but no-one even looked up. I've also fed in front of lots of family members I didn't think I'd be able to, but the moment and feeling of embarrassment disappears as soon as she starts crying - she needs feeding and she is my priority!

I know I've just written an essay about boobzzz but that's pretty much all I am at the moment - food on legs! I just wanted to write about how hard it is, so hopefully other people can be prepared. But it's so worth it, don't let me put you off! And it's getting easier every day :)

Sleep wise we're doing okay, or as well as can be expected. For example, last night I was up 10.00 - 11.30, 1.00 - 2.30, 4.30 - 6 then up at 7.30. Trying to take naps in the day but that's tricky as I want to be able to do things and tidy and be a human being!

We've been really lucky to have had some beautiful sunshine this past few weeks, so even though we've not been able to go far, we've been aiming to have at least a little wander round the block every day - just to get some fresh air and make me feel a bit less like a prisoner! I'm loving pushing the pram around, and so far I only have good things to say about our pram - fully recommended so far!

I will get round to writing up my birth story soon, hopefully before I forget it! It may have to be written in parts though. I know this entry is long and boob related, but to summarise - we are all fine, Alice is beautiful, and we are all very much in love :).

With love and light xo