Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Dear Alice and Violet - 42 Months and 13 Months

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Dear Alice,

You are now 42 months old. I had only just added that up and it’s a bit mental really. What did we do without you?

A few weeks ago you started nursery school every morning for 3 hours. The first few days you were absolutely fine but then had a bit of a melt down and had a week of pulling my leg and screaming and crying. It was very difficult to leave you and there were a few tears shed by everyone, but now it is your favourite place in the world!

You love spending time with Phoebe and Amelia at nursery. You’ve told me you don’t play with the boys as they pinch your nose. Fair enough!

You are so funny to talk to! Last week mama told you to just have a sit down for 5 mins, to which you responded “It’s not all about you you know mama.” You told me there was a “right palava” at nursery at snack time! You asked if we could do a "sophie" on the train. Turns out you meant selfie! Happy to oblige - see below!

Gorge! Train selfie

At the weekend, Violet wasn’t very well so I took you to Wheelgate on the Sunday to get out for a few hours, just the 2 of us. It was so nice to spend time just with you and I must make more of an effort to. We go to ballet on a Saturday, but that’s just you and it was nice to spend some mummy-Alice time!

You want to play hide and seek all the time. This morning you informed me your name wasn’t Alice, and refused to respond to anything other than “Hidey Worm”.

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It's getting closer to Halloween, which I think may be your favourite time of the year? You are a little obsessed with "spooky things" like witches and bats etc. Most mornings after breakfast you're allowed 10 minutes on the iPad while we clear up, and you always request spooky videos. At Wheelgate they had halloween things everywhere, and you insisted on having your picture taken with every single monster. Even though they were mostly the same!

We went to Rufford a few weeks ago, and it was a wartime / vintage weekend. Punch and Judy were there, which you completely loved. Apart from the fact you call it Punch and Julie. And it had Hitler in who you keep asking me about which is a little awkward!

You like to cuddle up in bed and hide every night before bathtime, and every time I try to cuddle you extra tight because you seem to be getting so big - physically and mentally. You can read letters, count to 100 with help, and you are just not even a toddler anymore. I'd like to keep you at this age forever please!

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Dear Violet,

You are now 13 months old, and the squidgiest cutest little bundle in the entire world.

You aren’t walking yet, and I was so sure you would be soon! Mama is buying you your first shoes for your birthday and at this rate it will be Christmas! I just looked back through the blog and apparently Alice didn’t walk till 14 /15 months so you’re taking after your sister. You cruise round the house, and want to walk holding people’s hands constantly. You’ve taken a few odd steps, but don’t seem super bothered.

Talking-wise you're still saying "t" for ta, "b" for ball, but my fave is "row row" and then you rock backwards and forwards, then scream for the crocodile! It is literally the most adorable thing in the entire world.

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I’m really struggling being at work and leaving you so much, well both of you. I feel like I don’t get the time to spend with my little baby who won’t be a baby for much longer, and that’s difficult.

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You’ve been full of cold for the past few days, and really unhappy and off your food. You spent all Saturday curled up on the sofa with me in and out of sleep. I think part of it is the cold, and the other part is that you’re cutting 6 teeth at the same time. It’s hard because I’m so used to seeing you eat more than Alice, and to see you refusing food and crying is just so out of character for you.

Both of you are absolutely lovely! Just wishing at the moment I could spend more time with the both of you. I feel like I'm never going to regret being skint, but every day I regret being away from my little ones.

 With love and light xo

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Happy (Almost!) Birthday Baby Violet


Just a quick one tonight as I might not get chance tomorrow. But, Happy Birthday to my sweet Baby Violet!

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This time last year, I was trying to decide if my waters had broken, and having a wander round the block to try and make something happen. I walked up to my mum and dads, and Alice had gone off to  Mitch's mum and dads for a sleepover incase something did happen. We walked through the forest, and it was a day exactly like today. Warm, golden, and completely calm.

(Above picture taken 3 hours before baby was born!)

This time last year, I was so worried. Worried about logistical things - I was super overdue and trying to argue against induction. Worried about my home birth I so desperately wanted. Absolutely worried about my little (or not so little!) baby, and worried about my big Alice and how she would cope with the changes.

I wish I could say I'm not worried right now, but I think that is a constant as a parent!!

But, I no longer have to worry about how I could possibly love anyone as much as my Alice. Through the past year my heart has filled and expanded so much it sometimes feels like my chest could burst. My love for both my girls has grown - seeing them both interact and learn together makes me incredibly proud, and I feel so blessed to have such angels.

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Left picture is about 15 mins old

Of course this past year has been difficult, seemingly impossible at times. In the beginning, I had no idea how on earth we would ever get to 1 year without one of us dying of exhaustion! I couldn't have coped without my amazing family and friends, offering help, support, biscuits and advice. Mainly biscuits. Everything's better with biscuits.

My beautiful baby Violet (do I have to stop adding the baby part yet?) is the light of my life. She is calm, sweet, beautiful, and just a perfect baby. She is the happiest soul I have ever met! She lights up when anyone talks to her, particularly Alice, and I just can't imagine a time without her in my life.

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I know this next year will bring it's own challenges - seriously, what do I do if they both go run in opposite directions? But, every year with my girls is a complete gift.

Happy Birthday pudding. I love you bery bery much.

With love and light xo

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Dear Alice and Violet - 40 months and 11 months!

❤️❤️ 16.07.2014

Dear Violet,

So you are now 11 months old and I just can't believe you've been with us for almost a year! But on the other hand, I can't imagine for one second how we got by without your lovely smiling face!

You had a review with the health visitor a few weeks ago, and you weigh 21 lb 8oz and are 77cm long.

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She was really impressed with how good you are, and particularly impressed with your recorder skills!! At the moment you love anything musical - the recorder, or the harmonica, or keyboard. You love to copy what anyone else is doing, and pass the harmonica back and forwards making noises. You like to sing and dance, although you're dancing looks a bit like twerking!

You are walking holding my hands, and using the furniture to scootle round. This past month you stood up on your own (you sit down any time I take a camera out!) and keep doing it when you're not realising. You're also doing the weird half walk / half crawl that makes you look a bit like a spider! I think you'll be walking at some time in the next month.

You will say "t" for ta, and make "b" noises for ball, and Mitch swears you say dada! You are pretty much constantly babbling and talking about something, I just have no idea what you are saying.

31.07.2014 14.07.2014 - Punk rock baby!

You are so happy the majority of the time, and just like to be surrounded by people. You like smiling and cuddling and just generally playing the part of the lovely happy baby! Everyone always comments on how placid and laid back you are - you are just content being loved. You brighten up my morning with your lovely smile and giggles, and you never fail to cheer me up.

You had been sleeping through for the past month or so, but you're back to up once a night again, perhaps with your teeth? You have 6 little teeth now and particularly enjoy nibbling on anyone who stays still long enough! (In hindsight after reading this back - you were getting a cold and back to sleeping through - hurrah!)

You are a bit of a destroyer at the moment, much to Alice's annoyance! You like knocking down towers, squidging playdough, making a mess, throwing things on the floor, and generally getting in Alice's way. She gets quite frustrated, but we're trying to explain you just want to play. Sometimes I'm fairly sure you're getting your own back!!

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Food wise, you just love meat. If I never tried to give you anything else you would be overjoyed! You are just a little carnivore and will throw anything none meat related on the floor! You like chicken, beef, pork, ham, fish and anything that's not a vegetable - the complete opposite of your sister. Between the 2 of you, you'd demolish just about anything!

Alice calls you "cubby" and she is always asking where you are. If she gets up in the morning, and you're still in bed, she's forever asking for you and cuddles. If we meet anyone, she loves to introduce them to "my baby Violet" and tell them she's "the best baby sister ever". Although she also spends half her time pushing you away from the iPad.

We have booked you a little birthday party for next month that you won't even understand, but I just want to get everyone together to celebrate how brilliant you are, and how lucky we've been to have you for a whole year!!

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Dear Alice,

You are 40 months old this month, and in a few weeks you start at a school nursery! You are so excited, and pretty much every day ask if it's September yet. I'm hoping this excitement lasts for when you actually go! You've had a couple of visits and you loved it, plus it helps that Amelia and Phoebe are going to be there at the same time. You have a little nursery uniform, and you look soooo big and grown up in it!

You like singing own songs, making up words, and just singing your way through the day. One of your favourite things to do at the moment is replace words in nursery rhymes with the word poo, such as "Twinkle Twinkle Little Poo" or "The Grand Ol' Duke of Poo". You think it is literally the funniest thing anyone has ever done ever!

You also like telling jokes, and I've tried to teach you a few but you like to make your own up more. Such as "Why did the tomatoes cross the road? Bears." Then you laugh manically!

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We started working on recognised letters and numbers a few weeks ago, as you seemed quite interested. Well you've picked them all up! You recognise all the numbers 1-10 and most of the letters with a few common mix ups (b and d etc). I am absolutely amazed by how quickly you've picked it all up. For some reason, you still miss the number 15 out when you're camping though - every single time!

You had a little haircut last month as your ends were getting a bit tangley, so we cut your hair to just below chin length, and it's made you look so much bigger! I miss your long hair a little and your first little curls, but it looks much healthier now.

You are such a lovely little soul. You are funny and witty and clever, and you like to be in charge. You throw massive tantrums and huge diva strops, but when it's all over and you come for a cuddle I just want to bottle you up. You can be quite a sensitive little one and sometimes it's easy to forget when we're all joking and playing that you're only 3, and sometimes take things a bit literally! I am so nervous about you starting nursery - you come across so loud and proud and over the top, but I know you get your feelings hurt quite easily and I'm nervous about how you'll be with the other little ones. You're so clever, but sometimes can be a bit overwhelming and in your face when playing with others, probably because you've never spent huge amounts of time with others and mostly just with me. It keeps me awake at night thinking about you making friends and being happy - but I know it's right for you.

My fave little poser 29.07.2014 - Trying on uniform!

A few weeks ago you had a wasp disaster! You'd been on a bug walk with the childminder, and the leader of the walk disturbed a wasps nest! You got off lightly compared to some of the others, but were still stung 10ish times. Daddy had to come fetch you as it was my first day back, and I felt awful all afternoon, but Kinder Eggs and cuddles fixed it.

You also had your preschool injections, which I was terrified about! I knew this time you would know it was me who had taken you, and I thought you'd hate me! But you were brave and we went to McDonalds after, where you weed on the floor - c'est la vie!

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You are so happy with the childminder. I feel like we completely lucked out with someone who is so lovely, and it just means I don't have to worry about you or baby Violet at all when I'm at work. You go places, explore, play games and learn so much with her!

Your sleep is finally on the up these past few weeks, after a few months of 5am get ups! We have finally got it to 6 (hopefully!) and that's fine with me. You like to get "snuggly wuggly" under a blanket with me which is my favourite place to be.

You are both my absolute favourite people in the world.

With love and light xo

Wednesday, 6 August 2014


I've only updated 3 times this year. That is crazy! I used to write in here all the time, but I guess it all comes down to time and sleep. Both of which I'm always massively short on!

At the moment I just feel a little bit overwhelmed. I keep going back to Bilbo's quote - "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." Like whatever I'm spending time on, everything else is being neglected.

There's tons of decorating and sorting I'd like to do round the house, but it's just literally impossible to consider with the kids at home. We could do it in the evenings, but by the time the kids are in bed and we're sitting down it's hard enough to muster the energy to get a drink and change the channel, let alone start a project.

Then there's cleaning and tidying etc. I try so hard to keep on top of everything and always feel like I'm coming up short. Like if only there were more hours in the day my house would be nicer.

Mainly it's the kidlets. At the moment I feel like no matter how much I give them it's not enough. That's not their fault, but Alice is so intense and full on right now, and she just needs you to be on the ball and playing from wake up till bed time, and sometimes life isn't like that. She's so incredibly clever, such a pleasure to be around some of time, but also incredibly difficult and challenging some of the time as she tries to figure herself out. We try and keep consistency, patience and fairness, but sometimes on little sleep it's hard to be the best mum. Then you just feel guilty for snapping, pledge to try harder, rinse and repeat!

I don't want to come across as moaning - I am so incredibly lucky and so happy to have my 2, but life is not easy right now and sometimes it helps to write things down.

Alice is just so incredibly driven, and fiercely independent and opinionated. All things I don't want to discourage, but all things so difficult to control. She has an angry tantrum streak at the moment that I'm trying my best with, but I think it just comes with the "intense" territory! I feel like however I approach it, it's not going to be right - I'll either be too firm or too soft. I care so much what other people think about my parenting, and I guess that's something I need to work on right now. I'm trying my best, I just worry it's not good enough sometimes.

She's just so clever - you can't sneak anything at all past her. She always knows what's going on, and it's difficult to keep her occupied for long. I'm hoping with time this will get easier, and I'm hoping when school / nursery starts that it'll make a difference. I think that's a big thing - she is so ready for nursery and has been for a while. If she'd been born a week earlier she'd have been attending since April, but at the moment she's starting September 10th. She is just so ready for an extra challenge and more intellectual stimulation I can't provide!

I think what's made everything a little overwhelming lately is my happy baby Violet currently isn't happy! I'm hoping it's teeth, but she is not my happy little grub. She's up frequently in the night, often for a while, she won't settle at bed time for hours (not fun when you are so ready to chill out!), and wants to be held all the time.

I think a lot of the anger I've seen in Alice this past few weeks is jealousy. Up until now, baby Violet was happy just lying in the same room as us while I played with Alice. But now Violet is up and crawling and standing and trying to walk, she wants to play with all the toys and play all the games, and Alice doesn't do sharing. So I guess this could be a good thing - everyone has to learn to share sometimes. And obviously I'm now split in 2, trying to make sure neither child injures themselves or each other!

So - Again, not moaning, I know this is what I signed myself up for and I love them more than anything. But tips? Advice? Suggestions? Please tell me I'm not the only one struggling to stay up past 8 and forever feeling like I've been dragged through a hedge??!

With love and light xo

Monday, 2 June 2014

Dear Alice and Violet - 38 months and 8 months!

I've been putting off and putting off writing as I seem to never get a minute to sit, but then I remembered how much I loved reading through these so trying to make more of an effort! So we've missed a few months but I'll pick up where we left off!

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Dear Baby Violet (when will you become Just Violet I wonder?),

You are now 8 months old! I have no idea how much you weigh but you are huge, with rolls upon rolls and the smushiest little face in the world.

You are still the most content little bean in the entire world. You are happy just to be surrounded by people and things, and happy to play, happy to walk, happy to sleep, just happy to be anywhere! The only time you get grumpy is if I nip out the room and leave you alone – you're fine if Alice is there but obviously you've never had to be alone before!

You started crawling maybe 2 weeks ago, and now nothing is stopping you – you are so quick! Double quick if there's something left on the floor that perhaps you shouldn't have. Which is quite tricky as Alice has a habit of leaving out all her tiny toys that are just Baby Violet mouth sized.

30.05.2014 - Alice protecting the iPad from baby Violet ❤️❤️

Alice still loves you more than anything, but this crawling thing has confused her a little bit. She wants to play with you, but she doesn't want you touching any of her stuff. And of course everything is hers. So she now takes the iPad under the little table so you can't get it. Sorry!

Food-wise you are again a little gem. We were trying to do BLW like we did with Alice, but you much prefer mush and only get angry if it's not being shovelled into your mouth fast enough. You like feeding yourself cheerios for breakfast, individually, which takes a painstakingly long time. You love greek yoghurt with fruit mixed in, you love anything with sweet potato in, and you just like digging in to whatever we're having.

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Sleep wise things are on the up too! I made a difficult decision about a month ago to switch to formula as we were having a really tough time. I was up every hour through the night and then up at 5 with Alice, and just struggling to even walk the next day. It was just too tricky, so we switched so I could have a bit of help. Now you just wake up once in the night normally around midnight, then sleep to around 5ish.

You have two naps a day, and you are so good at putting yourself to sleep. You are like clockwork – up for 3 hours then you want a nap! You have a great little routine.

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Alice likes to call you her “little grub”. I have no idea where she's got this from, but she asks for kissies from little grub all the time! Tonight you were giving out kisses and cuddles and giggles and Alice was lapping it up! She is your all time favourite person and you love laughing at her!

We've all got another cold, and you have particularly become another snot monster at the moment. You have had so many colds! I'm hoping you're getting them all out the way before I go back to work. Which is next week :(. Sorry to be leaving you little squish, but you are going to be so happy with all the exciting people you are going to play with!

You are so tiny, and it will be so hard leaving you, but I know you will be fine because you will be a happy grub, and you'll be with your big sister.

Untitled I told Alice to look happy.

Dear Alice,

You are now 38 months old. You seem to have shot up lately, and you're so tall but all your clothes are now too short but baggy! You are now definitely not a toddler, but a beautiful little girl with this mass of crazy curly hair which always looks a complete mess, but you wouldn't be an Alice without it.

Every day you are becoming more and more independent. You like to do your own shoes (which considering there's a 50% chance of getting them on the right feet, you get wrong 99% of the time) help get yourself dressed, brush your own teeth etc. This also means that everything takes 10 times aslong but you've got to learn I suppose!

You have dropped your afternoon nap – sad times! I know I've been so lucky that you've had it for so long, but you are now too big. You often fall asleep in the afternoon if we nip somewhere in the car, but I think naps are no more.

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You like to have your nails painted, and when Violet goes for her morning nap you often ask for “pretty princess” nails. This would make my old self laugh, as I was trying to be so gender neutral, but you love the girly things! We always have to have matching nails. Today you asked for black, which would have made me happy but I didn't think it was appropriate!

At easter Mama did you an easter egg hunt which was literally your favourite thing in the world. Every time you found one you did a little squeal giggle and jumped up and down! Then when you'd collected them all in your basket (which took a while because we kept taking them out again), you made everyone sit down and completely unprompted you shared them out. Awwwww!

Tonight you requested to go nappy-less to bed. Let's see how this goes...

You also had a 3rd birthday party! Lots of people came and you got a bit overwhelmed and basically just spent 2 hours on the swing in the garden. But after, you told me it had been the past party ever and you were very happy and that you loved me lots.





Favourite word you say at the moment - bery."It is bery bery good being here isn't it mummy!"

We've just got back from an amazing holiday in Center Parcs, where you had the best time ever! You were swimming with your arm bands, going down all the big slides with everyone, going on all the parks and the beach. You were so well behaved and just had the best time. Then since we've got back you have had a bit of a grump, I think you had post holiday blues - it happens to us all! But you seem to be back to my lovely Alice now.

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Today you have been obsessed with talking about bones. The other day it was noses. A few days ago it was willies. Since you've become 3 you've become obsessed with trumps and poo! You are hilarious and I have the best and the weirdest conversations with you. I'm pretty convinced that you also think I am a complete idiot – e.g. “Don't be silly mummy, that's not a dinosaur. It's a stegosaurus.”

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I am also leaving you to go back to work (part time) next week. I'm starting a new job where I'll be away from you for a day and a bit longer, but will have 11 weeks off with you a year (term time only). So hoping it's the right decision and you're both happy, as that's obviously all I want!

I'm going to try and not leave this so long next time but making no promises!

Love you both so much,

With love and light, mummy x