Monday, 16 March 2015

Dear Alice and Violet - nearly 4 (urgh!) and 18 months!

I always forget to blog, then recently I spent a bit of time reading through past entries and realise how nice it is. Like this blog is Alice at the same age as Violet - http://evenstarx.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/dear-alice-1617-months.html. Soooo different!

So, a bit of an update.


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Dear Alice,

My little gem! You are 4 next month. You sat me down and asked for a party; specifically with balloons, a bouncy castle and a cake. Done, done and done! All you've asked for for your birthday is a balloon and an Anna dress. I am really appreciating these last few cheap birthdays! I think we're just going to renew your Wheelgate pass, as you get tons of fun out of that.

You are so lovely at the moment. If I could keep you at this age forever I would! You stroke my face, brush my hair, kiss me and tell me I'm pretty. Then ask for a biscuit.

You are basically just me, shrunk down. I completely understand all your frustrations and angers when things aren't quite right, and I'm there with you trying to make it all okay! Everyone describes you as "intense", which we all know just means a bit crazy. Or "strongwilled". Sometimes we get "independent".

We went on holiday to Alton, and I was terrified beforehand that you just wouldn't sleep or eat and generally just be a bit mental. In reality, you were lovely. You went to bed every night at around 7.30, despite our best efforts to keep you awake a bit longer! Yes you woke up at 6, but you were at least happy! We went to Cbeebies land and Mr. Bloom was there, so we had to go to his show 3 times. It was the same every time, but you were happy!

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There was a hot tub which you went in pretty much constantly with Amelia. You have asked me pretty much constantly why we don't have a hot tub, a question I have often considered.

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We went to Monkey Forest, and you were mildly impressed by the monkeys, but more distraught you couldn't have a snack while you were in there. We bought you and Violet a toy monkey each, and you named them Dusty and Daisy, and insisted they were sisters and best friends. Awwwww!

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You had your face painted at the pub for grandads birthday and it was quite possibly the best thing I've ever paid £1 for. Worth it amillion times over. I literally nearly wet myself.

You're reading and phonics have come on loads. You can recognise and write most / all of the letters, sound out and read most 3 letter words, you guess the letters in longer words and are always telling me what things begin with.

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We started swimming lessons this month, and you have been ace. I didn't know what you'd be like without me in with you, but you just jumped in and plodded on like it wasn't an issue at all. 3 weeks in you're already getting better.

Mama got you a red nose for comic relief. You gave it the name "Loopy" and make it kiss everyone. Please stay nearly 4 forever!

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Dear Violet, or Violet Pilot as your sister calls you, you are now 18 months old.

You sometimes say a few words, dada, no, ta, and bayybeeeeee which you say like that and it's the most adorable thing ever.

You are obsessed with babies. Carrying them round, feeding them, getting their milk, kissing them, making everyone else kiss them. Pretty much the only thing I hear you say most of the time is "baybeeeee" and then make kissing noises!

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You love slides. Alice always hated slides, and you cannot get enough! I went in the garden for 5 mins to peg some washing out and ended up spending hours lifting you up the slide in the garden while you giggled.

You chase Alice round all the time, hide from her and tickle her, and try to play snap with her. You just want to be involved in anything she's doing, and would follow her to the end of the world.

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On  holiday you slept really badly, but that's because you were in a room with us and kept waking up wanting to play! You loved the In the Night Garden boat ride, and just being around other kids and trying to be in their games.

You still eat like a machine. Given the chance you will just start eating at 7am and stop eating just before bed. Whereas Alice would survive on half a cracker and a squash, you are always fetching me your high chair to remind me to feed you! I can't complain, you eat all good stuff, but you are just a little bottomless pit!

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At the moment you walk everywhere and scream bloody murder if I try and strap you into anything. You won't hold hands, and mostly just want to run off in any direction away from me. God forbid we have to go a certain way.

You have entered the age of the tantrum. If I have to take something away from you, you will throw yourself on the floor and scream. That's also generally the reaction if I try and put your shoes on.

The person who makes you happiest in the world is Alice. You are sad most mornings when we drop her off at school, and perk up when you run in to fetch her. It is my favourite thing in the world to see you 2 together, and completely melts my heart. Alice always shouts you and cuddles you and tells you you're the best sister in the world. I think so too. x

With love and light xo

Monday, 5 January 2015

Dear Alice and Violet - 45 months and 16 months!

Jeeeez have I really not blogged since October? How on earth did I not notice that! Life seems to be going about amillion miles an hour lately. It’s not that things haven’t happened, I just haven’t really thought to write about it.

We’ve just had a lovely (and exhausting?) couple of weeks off for Christmas with the kidlets. It was absolutely the best Christmas ever. To be able to feel Alice’s excitement when it came to arranging the carrot for Rudolph and the cookies – she insisted on baking gingerbread – for santa, was just amazing. And by feel I mean actually feel - she was physically shaking with excitement a lot of the time! Every morning on the way up to Christmas I would wake up to an Alice 2 inches from my face saying “9 days to go mummy”. Slightly adorable, slightly terrifying.

The girls were so incredibly behaved over Christmas day. I’d prepared myself for some epic breakdowns over sharing presents and over excitement, but they were beautiful. They played, and shared, and were both just so so happy. It helped that we were at home I think, and they could play with their own stuff, but they were lovely.

So, time for a bit of a catch up.

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Dear Alice, you are now 45 months old.

You are so tall and slender now! You would survive pretty much on snacks and air given the opportunity, so it can be a bit of a battle at tea time. We’re currently we’re just going with – here is your food. If you do not eat it, you will be hungry. You don’t really eat much meat, you would survive entirely on green beans and corny cob given half the chance I’m sure.

You love nursery. You love the social aspect, and seeing all your friends. You love running round like a crazy person. You are learning so much every day, and when you come home you are just shattered. You told me a few weeks ago that your full name had 7 syllables and then proceeded to clap it out for me. You are constantly correcting me (“Mummy don’t be silly, that is not true”) and telling me all the exciting things you have learned. I am so happy you like it and it’s a pleasure to see you grow. I love the nursery, and I think your teacher is brilliant.

Just before Christmas was your school nativity, where you were a twinkly star. Watching you stood there singing Away In A Manager was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen and I am so incredibly glad that I could be there. The last week at nursery, you did the panto, 2 lots of nativity, nursery party, and Santa came in. You were shattered and grumpy, but I know you had a lovely time.

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The past few weeks you’ve improved your pen control (“pinchy parrot”!) and now write and draw beautifully. I love the imagination and thought that goes into your drawings. This morning before school you drew me, daddy, baby Violet and Amelia, and it’s the nicest picture ever. Unfortunately you did draw it red pen on red paper so it’s a little difficult to photograph / see but I know it’s there! You wrote beautiful placecards on Christmas day for everyone, and you insisted on writing all your own Christmas cards this year.

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You are so good at singing and dancing and you are always telling me “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the show is about to begin” followed by 25 minutes of twirling and leg pointing. You got a few more dressing up clothes for Christmas and often the show requires a costume change. You will refuse any help, and currently want to get dressed on your own every day. Pants took 30 minutes last week, but you did tell me that pants were tricky.

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The past few weeks at home with everyone you have been lovely, with patches of crazy. You still wake up at 6 / 6.30, so by the evening you are just shattered and grumpy. The one person you always have time for is Violet, although you’ve taken to calling her Cubby or Vi. You love her to pieces, as long as she’s not trying to use the toy your currently using. Which is 98% of the time. I love seeing you chase each other round and tickle chase, it really makes my heart sore, but my ears hurt!

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You've taken to wanting to perform a Crufts like routine every evening where you have to jump through the hoop - both of you. I have no idea where you got this from but it keeps you occupied for hours. I'm thinking if we can work up to lighting the hoop perhaps we'll get on Britains Got Talent?

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It snowed too! You loved the snow and made a snowman called Snowy but then you got cold and I made chicken soup and it was the wrong kind of chicken soup.

Love you pudding cup!


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Baby Violet you are now 16 months old, and it’s fair to say you are a chunky monkey. You will eat anything and everything that isn’t nailed down. Last night you stole and apple off your sister and ate the whole thing behind the sofa – core and all. This was maybe an hour after a Sunday dinner, and a whole orange for pudding. You are a lovely cuddly eating machine!

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You completely dote on your big sister, and want to follow her round, do whatever she’s doing and basically be her shadow. Your favourite thing to play with is Alice’s pushchair and your little babies you got for Christmas. You sit them in the highchair with you and you feed them and blow on their food – it is literally the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. You normally carry 2 babies round with you ,1 under each arm. You push round and snuggle them and tuck them into bed with their bottles – aww!

We went to Wheelgate the other day and you went on the train with me for the first time! I forget how big you are getting, in my head you’re still super tiny but you are running round and playing games now. You run really quickly, and have completely changed shaped from a baby to getting to be a toddler.

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You just want to be involved in anything with people. You are still very content and happy, but have had a few tantrums these past few weeks! One lasted 45 minutes, because I wouldn’t let you have the toilet brush. You do have a completely different personality to Alice though – you’re more wary of new people and new places. You want to be snuggled and hugged and carried much more, and you want to care for things. Alice always (and still does) just goes in headfirst, where you like to take a step back and assess what’s going on.

Although you don’t say much more, we know what you mean now. You make the right noises, and point at the right things. You could read books for hours, just changing the pages and pointing at all the pictures. You love pop up books – “there it is!”, and finding the bear.

You have gone back to waking up in the night most nights for some milk, which is frustrating!! We can’t possibly feed you any more, but if we don’t take you milk you just shout for hours! Cuddles won’t do – you are hangry! A bit wearing, but not forever I suppose. Hopefully.

You change so much every day, and I do love my girls. Best Christmas ever, and here's to many more of the same.

With love and light xo

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Dear Alice and Violet - 42 Months and 13 Months

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Dear Alice,

You are now 42 months old. I had only just added that up and it’s a bit mental really. What did we do without you?

A few weeks ago you started nursery school every morning for 3 hours. The first few days you were absolutely fine but then had a bit of a melt down and had a week of pulling my leg and screaming and crying. It was very difficult to leave you and there were a few tears shed by everyone, but now it is your favourite place in the world!

You love spending time with Phoebe and Amelia at nursery. You’ve told me you don’t play with the boys as they pinch your nose. Fair enough!

You are so funny to talk to! Last week mama told you to just have a sit down for 5 mins, to which you responded “It’s not all about you you know mama.” You told me there was a “right palava” at nursery at snack time! You asked if we could do a "sophie" on the train. Turns out you meant selfie! Happy to oblige - see below!

Gorge! Train selfie

At the weekend, Violet wasn’t very well so I took you to Wheelgate on the Sunday to get out for a few hours, just the 2 of us. It was so nice to spend time just with you and I must make more of an effort to. We go to ballet on a Saturday, but that’s just you and it was nice to spend some mummy-Alice time!

You want to play hide and seek all the time. This morning you informed me your name wasn’t Alice, and refused to respond to anything other than “Hidey Worm”.

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It's getting closer to Halloween, which I think may be your favourite time of the year? You are a little obsessed with "spooky things" like witches and bats etc. Most mornings after breakfast you're allowed 10 minutes on the iPad while we clear up, and you always request spooky videos. At Wheelgate they had halloween things everywhere, and you insisted on having your picture taken with every single monster. Even though they were mostly the same!

We went to Rufford a few weeks ago, and it was a wartime / vintage weekend. Punch and Judy were there, which you completely loved. Apart from the fact you call it Punch and Julie. And it had Hitler in who you keep asking me about which is a little awkward!

You like to cuddle up in bed and hide every night before bathtime, and every time I try to cuddle you extra tight because you seem to be getting so big - physically and mentally. You can read letters, count to 100 with help, and you are just not even a toddler anymore. I'd like to keep you at this age forever please!


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Dear Violet,

You are now 13 months old, and the squidgiest cutest little bundle in the entire world.

You aren’t walking yet, and I was so sure you would be soon! Mama is buying you your first shoes for your birthday and at this rate it will be Christmas! I just looked back through the blog and apparently Alice didn’t walk till 14 /15 months so you’re taking after your sister. You cruise round the house, and want to walk holding people’s hands constantly. You’ve taken a few odd steps, but don’t seem super bothered.

Talking-wise you're still saying "t" for ta, "b" for ball, but my fave is "row row" and then you rock backwards and forwards, then scream for the crocodile! It is literally the most adorable thing in the entire world.

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I’m really struggling being at work and leaving you so much, well both of you. I feel like I don’t get the time to spend with my little baby who won’t be a baby for much longer, and that’s difficult.

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You’ve been full of cold for the past few days, and really unhappy and off your food. You spent all Saturday curled up on the sofa with me in and out of sleep. I think part of it is the cold, and the other part is that you’re cutting 6 teeth at the same time. It’s hard because I’m so used to seeing you eat more than Alice, and to see you refusing food and crying is just so out of character for you.

Both of you are absolutely lovely! Just wishing at the moment I could spend more time with the both of you. I feel like I'm never going to regret being skint, but every day I regret being away from my little ones.

 With love and light xo

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Happy (Almost!) Birthday Baby Violet

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Just a quick one tonight as I might not get chance tomorrow. But, Happy Birthday to my sweet Baby Violet!

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This time last year, I was trying to decide if my waters had broken, and having a wander round the block to try and make something happen. I walked up to my mum and dads, and Alice had gone off to  Mitch's mum and dads for a sleepover incase something did happen. We walked through the forest, and it was a day exactly like today. Warm, golden, and completely calm.

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(Above picture taken 3 hours before baby was born!)

This time last year, I was so worried. Worried about logistical things - I was super overdue and trying to argue against induction. Worried about my home birth I so desperately wanted. Absolutely worried about my little (or not so little!) baby, and worried about my big Alice and how she would cope with the changes.

I wish I could say I'm not worried right now, but I think that is a constant as a parent!!

But, I no longer have to worry about how I could possibly love anyone as much as my Alice. Through the past year my heart has filled and expanded so much it sometimes feels like my chest could burst. My love for both my girls has grown - seeing them both interact and learn together makes me incredibly proud, and I feel so blessed to have such angels.

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Left picture is about 15 mins old

Of course this past year has been difficult, seemingly impossible at times. In the beginning, I had no idea how on earth we would ever get to 1 year without one of us dying of exhaustion! I couldn't have coped without my amazing family and friends, offering help, support, biscuits and advice. Mainly biscuits. Everything's better with biscuits.

My beautiful baby Violet (do I have to stop adding the baby part yet?) is the light of my life. She is calm, sweet, beautiful, and just a perfect baby. She is the happiest soul I have ever met! She lights up when anyone talks to her, particularly Alice, and I just can't imagine a time without her in my life.

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I know this next year will bring it's own challenges - seriously, what do I do if they both go run in opposite directions? But, every year with my girls is a complete gift.

Happy Birthday pudding. I love you bery bery much.

With love and light xo