Dear Alice and Violet - 32 months and 3 months!

I've finally found time to write this, although it's taken me about a week over various naptimes!

Dear Violet,

Happy Quarter Birthday! Where on earth has the time gone?!

You were weighed a few weeks ago and are now exactly 13lbs so have put on weight well! You are also very long like your big sister was, and are out of most of your 3-6 month vests and baby grows - sad times!

You are now smiling, talking, and cooing away like a little angel! I love the smiles we get first thing in the morning. I enjoy the smiles at 3am considerably less ;)

You are doing okay with your sleep - you have definitely discerned the difference between night and day, and sometimes we have a good few hours in a row - a couple of times we've had 5/6 hours in a row which is ace! Last night you were less good, but you are only a baby. I think we're going to have to move out of your basket soon and into the cot though, just because of how long you are.

One of your favourite things at the moment is still the bath, and you love splashing and kicking away. You are also taking in all the Christmas lights and decorations, and love to look around. You hate being held like a baby and would much rather be inspecting the room or bouncing around.

You've had 2 sets of jabs, both of which upset you a little bit but I know they're needed. Alice held your hand for the last set of jabs and then kissed you better when you started crying which about melted me.

You are developing your little body, kicking away, lifting your neck and wiggling around at any opportunity! If I leave you on the changing mat and turn around you 2 feet away a few minutes later. You've also got tons quicker with your feeding and much more spaced out - we're on maybe once every 3 hours now and for about 15 minutes as opposed to only stopping once every 3 hours!

I am trying to snap lots of pictures but feel a bit of a failure - when you look back when you're older I apologise in advance that there aren't as many pictures of you!!

So onto your sister -

Dear Alice,

You seem to have shot up a lot lately, and we've had to move you up in lots of clothes. I've just weighed you, and you are now 2stone 6lbs, but you seem to have slimmed down a lot and lost all of your toddler-ness - you now look like a little girl, and a beautiful one at that!

The past few weeks have all been about Christmas! This is the first year where you really get the concept of Christmas and santa, so we have been doing lots of christmas decorations / cards and games. Yesterday we made salt dough decorations, and today we've done painting and glittering paper plates, and tomorrow is paper chains with some card we've decorated.

You wrote a letter to Santa and got a card back which you were very excited about. We're also going to see him on Monday, which I think I'm probably more excited about than you. I cannot wait to see you on Christmas this year, although I imagine you'll open everything within about 10 seconds.

You've been helping me do some baking with some success, and some massive toddler melt downs because I wouldn't let you lick the flour of the floor.

The toddler melt downs have seemed a little less frequent this month after a tricky few weeks. I think your maybe just adjusting to sharing me, and you hate staying in during the winter - you'd much rather be going mental running round a park.

However, you have now discovered the wonder of films, and are a bit obsessed with Netflix. Your current favourite is The Wild which I've now seen about ten million times, and you also love Aliceland as you call it!

You're still having a nap and sleeping from about 7pm - 6am. Please don't drop your nap. Please!

You completely dote on your little sister, and are forever stroking her and kissing her and trying to hold her. It's so lovely but you can be a little heavy handed!

One of your favourite things at the moment is story time - you want me to tell you a story, ideally when hiding under a blanket or hiding in our bed. We do it every night while Violet is having her bath, and you help me tell the story while sneaking me kisses. It is quite possibly my favourite time of the day, even though you only every want one of 3 stories (Goldilocks, 3 Pigs, or Billygoats Gruff)

I can't wait for Christmas with the both of you, we love you so so much.

With love and light xo

Videos

Some little videos of life lately...




With love and light xo

Dear Alice and Violet - 30 months and 1 month!

Dear Alice, and now - Dear Violet too!

I've been writing letters every month, but I'm afraid Violet that they may be a little less frequent with you! I barely seem to have time to breathe, let alone write on here. But, today is a rainy day and Sarah and Duck on the telly is giving me a bit of time. Thankyou Sarah and Duck!

Okay so Alice first - this has been a big few months for you!

Dear Alice,

You are now 30 months old, or 2 1/2. You are growing out of a lot of your 2-3 clothes, and seem to have shot up a little these past few weeks.

The first big change has obviously been you adjusting to life as a big sister. I spent many sleepless pregnant nights worrying how you'd be - would you act out? Would you be incredibly jealous? Would you try to break her? It turns out I should never have worried. You have been absolutely amazing!

Violet is the first thing you ask for in the morning and the last person you want to speak to at night. You want to cuddle her and hold her all the time (sometimes a little too hard but that's okay!). You like telling me all about her tiny little fingers, and you love to tell me she's a "tiny baby piggy".

You like helping me change her nappy and telling everyone "I'm very useful!", and you tell me when she needs "more milkies mummy". You stroke her head while she's feeding and you rock her in her chair (again sometimes a little too hard!) and you are altogether amazing. Whether that will all change when she's mobile and can get in your toys we will see but you are the best big sister I could ever ask for.

The other big development over the past few weeks has been potty training! We are now in week 3 and getting better every day (although apparently not today if my damp sofa is anything to go by!). It's still a little up and down but you are doing really well at telling me when you need to go etc. It has made us a bit like hermits for the past few weeks while we try and stay close to a toilet, but we're getting back into the swing of things now!

You are still sleeping really well thankfully, and you now wake up at 6am but play in your room with your toys / books till 7. You have generally completely destroyed it by the time I walk in but that's fine!

You have started telling much more elaborate stories, with characters that have conversations in different voices and have different opinions. I keep trying to film you doing it because it's hilarious! At the moment it's normally Shaun the Sheep talking to Tom (who is a dragon) and mummy pig. Normally mummy pig is telling you to do something you don't want to do - a bit like real life I suppose?

You also want to play games all the time now - hide and seek and eye spy particularly. Unfortunately, you only understand some of the rules, and for eye spy you can't spell, but that makes the game more interesting!

We have started a bit of a new family tradition of unplugged family time on a Sunday morning. If it's nice weather we go for a walk, and if it's not we take you swimming with daddy's gym pass. It's sort of my way of making sure you still get lots of attention, even if I'm a little distracted with Violet in the week!

I'm also going to try and take you to a ballet class on Saturday morning so we will see how that goes - hopefully you love it and don't have a complete melt down!

Okay, so on to your little sister.

Dear Violet,

I apologise in advance that I'm afraid your letters and going to be shorter and more sporadic than your sisters' - it's not that I love you any less it's just I'm a little stretched!

You are now 5 weeks old, which has absolutely zooooomed by.

You have grown so much already. I haven't had you weighed since you were about 3 weeks old, but you seem so huge already. You outgrew your newborn things in about a week, and I think you've only got a week or so left in your 0-3 clothes. You seem to grow huge amounts every night - I'm tempted to keep you in the dark so you stay my tiny baby forever!

You sleep like a baby. That's my standard response to anyone who asks! You wake up every hour or couple of hours for feeds and cuddles, but that's fine - you take all you need little one. That doesn't mean I'm not tired, but you're a lovely face to wake up to!

We've got the hang of feeding again, and you feed really well - as evidenced by your size!

You are getting more alert and spending more time awake every day. When you're awake your eyes are big, blue and bright - following our voices and looking straight at us. I keep telling daddy that you're smiling but he doesn't believe me. I can tell when you're happy as your eyes change and you just look different - it makes my heart beam.

You love both your bouncy chair and rocking swing, and will quite happily doze in them while I try and entertain your sister. However she does try and feed you chocolate so we have to watch her quite carefully! You also like being in the Moby wrap, and tend to snuggle and sleep in it which is lovely and gives me chance to explorer with Alice!

No matter how wound up you are, you always calm down for bath time with your big sister, and that's my favourite time of the day with daddy too. We all go in the bathroom and listen to music and dance, and it's lovely.

You are quite content aslong as you have been fed and cuddled, what more can I ask for?

I am so lucky to have both of you, no matter how tricky it might be figuring everything out. We love you both so much.

With love and light xo

Birth Story!

I was 8 days overdue, and completely and utterly fed up! I wasn't sleeping well, or at all really, as baby was forever kicking me in the ribs, so Mitchell had took Alice downstairs and left me in bed to try and get a little more sleep. At this point I was convinced I was going to be pregnant for the next 25 years, because I’m nothing if not melodramatic!

I’d been having mild contractions on and off all week, but nothing super painful and nothing to convince me that baby was coming. I’d had 2 sweeps, and was booked in for a third on the Monday morning to try and get things moving along. I’d already pushed to delay induction to term+14 rather than term+12, and was beginning to resign myself to induction at some point. Mitch was fed up of the smell of Clary Sage which apparently smells like dirt and goth shops. I had walked and walked, marched up and down stairs, bounced on balls, and had plenty of curry. I would say the effectiveness of all these things was 0!

On the sunny Saturday morning I woke up and stumbled / waddled to the bathroom, and shouted Mitch upstairs. I wasn’t sure, but I thought my waters might have broken.

And that was pretty much the question all day Saturday – had they or hadn’t they?! With Alice it was such a definite so I was unsure and felt really silly for not knowing. I called the midwife around midday and they sent someone out just after lunch. I felt really negative as I thought I was just being silly and wasting everyone’s time, and I hated the uncertainty. The midwife wasn’t sure either, but explained the hospital’s policy – induction after 24 hours if labour hadn’t started. I explained how keen I was to avoid induction, especially if we weren’t even sure if it was my waters! She agreed to leave me a few hours to see what happened, and take it from there.

I spent the afternoon feeling sorry for myself on the sofa, and when the midwife called back later (4pm-ish) I still didn’t really know either way. She suggested I go to the hospital later for them to check if my waters had gone, and I reluctantly agreed – if only to see that they hadn’t gone and avoid induction / stop the uncertainty!

We sent Alice to go with Mitch’s mum and dad overnight, and I still felt really silly for wasting everyone’s time. Surely if it had been my waters I would have felt a twinge by now? I avoided telling people I was going up to hospital so I didn’t disappoint when I came home!

Around 7pm we headed up to hospital, only to find out that only 1 person was allowed in triage with me, so mum ended up in the hospital reception for the next 2 hours on her own – sorry mum! I was assured that we’d only be there an hour, but ended up waiting around until 9.30. Being in the hospital reminded me of all the reasons I wanted a homebirth. It was unorganized, I was uncomfortable, I couldn’t have the people I wanted there, and we were mostly ignored. Obviously I don’t blame the midwives, I wasn’t a priority as I wasn’t in labour! But I was fed up and just wanted to go home.

Silver lining though – my waters had definitely gone! They tried to schedule me for induction at 10am the next day till I told them they could book it, but I wouldn’t be turning up. Eventually we agreed on 4pm the next day. I was feeling confident my body would go into labour before then, and that everything would work out. I was also too tired for more of an argument!

We all headed home, and I tried to have some food, knowing I would be needing the energy at some point in the next few hours (hopefully!). At this point, I was kind of hoping I’d get at least a few hours sleep to prepare! I sent my mum and Mitchell to bed, and told them I’d wake them when needed.

I tried to go to bed around 10pm, and had a fitful sleep, waking up with pains but trying to ignore them. Around midnight I got up and decided that sleep wasn’t happening so I’d get up and have a potter round.

I spent the next hour bouncing on the birthing ball and chatting to my brother on Facebook. I’d decided to start timing the pains, and they were around every 4/5 mins lasting for 45 seconds. Around 12pm I could still breathe and type through them, but when it got to 1am I was having to really concentrate on them and close my eyes / breathe deeply.

After timing them for an hour, I decided I was definitely in early labour, but coping okay and was probably going to be a very long time! I rung the midwives just to say I was in labour, but that I probably didn’t need anyone just yet. I decided to go upstairs and give Mitchell a prod and see if he was awake, and let him know what was going on.

Mitch got up after 1ish and started filling the pool as we knew it took around an hour to fill. I tried to persuade him not to fill it yet, as I thought I’d be another 8+ hours and didn’t want the water to get cold! He put me the TENS machine on but it wasn’t doing a huge amount. I was concentrating on breathing and counting through contractions, but had given up timing them. When the pool was full I sent him in the living room to try and get some more sleep while I labored with some music on.

I tried to lie down and rest, and I think he managed 5 minutes before I jumped up and shouted out for help – on the contraction I’d felt the baby move down, and my waters went in a much more dramatic fashion. Suddenly the bearable contractions had become much more intense, and I was having to really breathe and moan through them. I was trying to avoid getting in the pool for as long as possible, as I knew it could slow labour down, and I was trying to make sure I really felt the benefit when I got in.

After a few more intense contractions, I decided to jump in the pool and see what happened. I had a few more contractions in the pool, and they were coming on much closer and stronger – around every 3/4 minutes for a minute. Around 2.30am I told Mitch to call the midwives and get them to head over at some point soon. He rung my mum at same time, and we told her not to rush over – just head over at some point in the next hour or so.

I was still joking and chatting in between contractions, but was having to really concentrate on trying to relax and breathe with the pains. My mum arrived around 2.45 and I still felt bad for getting her out of bed when it would probably be hours!

The midwife arrived around 15 mins later, around 3am. (I have no idea of any of these times I’m just bugging Mitch!) At this point I was remembering how painful was! I felt quite shaky and weak inbetween contractions, but could focus and concentrate on the pains. Mitch and my mum took it in turns rubbing my back for contractions and that really helped me focus and concentrate more.

I was contracting about every 3 minutes, so the midwife was trying to do her checks in the gaps! She checked babies heartbeat – contraction – my pulse – contraction – blood pressure – contraction. Then the dreaded words – “Would you like me to check how far along you are?”. I knew from reading lots of birth stories that it could be a double edged sword – if she said 3cm would I be able to cope? Would I want to give up and have all the drugs? I decided I needed to know! I have never been so thankful to hear someone say 8cm in my entire life!

This was around 3.15, so she quickly decided to get things out the car and call the second midwife – although I was well lost in labour land at this point and didn’t really notice!

After a few more contractions I knew that my body was pushing whether I wanted to or not. Whereas last time I found the pushing helpful to concentrate pain, this time it made it more painful, but I knew it meant it was getting to the end.

I had a few big contractions, lots of big pushing, and then a head! Her head was born, then I had to wait for another contraction – it seemed to take forever but was probably only a minute. Then, at 3.34am on 8th September 2013, Violet was born into the world!

There was no time for gas an air, no second midwife, and Mitch was definitely disappointed he didn’t have time for his buffet.

The second midwife turned up a little later, and she weighed Violet at 9lb 2oz! At this point I was convinced I would need lots of stitches, so was super relieved when I jumped out the pool to find I wouldn’t need any – for that I can only thank the pool!

The midwives stayed for a little while, I gave baby a feed which she took to like an absolute pro. Probably too well actually – she fed pretty much constantly for the first 5 days!

Around 4.30 everyone went home, Mitch saw me up to bed and tucked me in to feed Violet. He tidied round for an hour or so, then we were all alone as a family. Having a homebirth was an incredible experience – yes it was painful, but it was also empowering. I felt completely relaxed and comfortable in my environment, I got to go to my bed and eat my own food and listen to my own music! There was no mad rush to hospital – I’m not sure I would have made it as we wouldn’t have started to head in till around 3!

It also meant that the next day Alice came home to meet her baby sister, in her own environment. I was terrified how they would get along, but Alice completely dotes on her sister. We will see how well this lasts when Mitch goes back to work so she has to share me!

All in all, I had a fantastic birth experience. Today she is 11 days old and physically I feel great. Even the same day I was up and about and tidying / cleaning and lifting. I felt better that day than I had for the last few months of pregnancy!

We’ve struggled a lot more with breastfeeding this time, and I would say I’ve found feeding a lot harder than the birth. Because of her size, she was born starving! And whereas Alice slept a lot for the first few days, Violet just fed pretty much constantly. Up to around day 8/9 I had issues with cracks / bleeding when feeding and was finding it incredibly difficult to persuade myself to feed each time – it just hurt so bad!

But, we seem to have broken the back of feeding and not in pain anymore. Still feeding often, but that’s what babies do! Glad to have (hopefully) got through the other side of the misery!

Mitch’s paternity leave has completely flown by, and I’m really hoping for a lottery win this weekend. I have no idea how I’m going to manage with them both, and how I’m going to entertain Alice while I’m feeding, but we’ll just have to figure it out!

Violet is completely perfect. She is huge, and out of some of her newborn clothes already :(. She looks exactly like her sister did, but has much more hair, and its definitely a little darker – maybe not another blonde?

Posts may be a little thin on the ground while I figure out how to be a mum of 2! But wanted to write this all down before I forgot it.

TL;DR version – I had a baby. She is awesome. I had her at home without pain relief because I’m badass. We are all in love!

With love and light xo

Introducing Violet!

Introducing - 
Violet Anne 8th September 2013 - 3.34am  9lb 2oz







Hoping to make a start on the birth story in the next few days, but we had a lovely homebirth in the water that was just perfect! We're all still getting used to each other, and getting used to breastfeeding again. Alice loving being a big sister so far, although she's more enjoying the fact that daddy is off work for a few weeks!

As with Alice, struggling a little with breastfeeding today (day 4/5) and just hoping to push through to the other side. She is completely perfect in every way, and we can't imagine life without her.

With love and light xo