40+6 - Failure to prepare...

I feel like I could just write - still pregnant. But, I'm trying to write things down as I know how quickly it all disappears from memory when baby gets here. Which will be soon hopefully?

I'm going to be honest - every day I go overdue it almost seems further away! Like having a baby is this weird metaphorical thing that might happen at some point in the future?

I've had a few evenings where I've felt a little optimistic about baby coming, with cramps / pains and a few Braxton Hicks: so I keep trying to go to bed and get some sleep and hope that I'll be woken in the early hours to something happening. It's the constant "what if?" that's exhausting. I wake up every hour in the night checking if my waters have broken, or if something is happening. I keep trying to make sure that at any given time I'm fed and the house is clean and I'm not shattered, just so I can cope with the labour to the best of my ability. It's a strange feeling of limbo - I don't want to plan too far ahead and I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but for a serial planner / organiser like me that's incredibly difficult!

If someone told me I'd be another week then that's fine, I could deal with that. But it's the constant apprehension and waiting that I'm finding difficult. I know I should just be enjoying the last few days of being pregnant, but I'm anxious and nervous and just want to crack on now! However I am enjoying the last few days of just Alice and mummy snuggles, and it's been nice to have these few days of sunshine to play with.

I had a sweep on Monday which was painful but not unbearable, and was 2cm dilated. I got a little excited after, thinking something might happen, but it was a huge anticlimax. I've got another booked today for 3.30, so hopefully she'll be able to tell me if there's been any progression at all - not that it means anything really!

I couldn't sleep last night for fretting about induction, so I decided to face it head on and did a couple of hours research on the pro's and con's of various things. (For anyone interested - NICE guidelines are always incredibly awesome, as is Homebirth.org.uk, the NHS website and the Royal College of Midwives)

I've already discussed with the midwife that I want to wait until 40+14 (2 weeks overdue) rather than 40+12, to give the baby as much chance as possible to come on their own. I'm feeling quite negative about induction and it's definitely something I want to avoid, so I'm glad to have an extra couple of days to allow my body to do it's thing.

It's not that I want to be pregnant an extra few days, it's just that the likelihood of needing intervention increases just such huge amounts when induction is used, and the chance of needing a caesarian or assisted delivery just shoots up. It tends to be referred to as the "Cascade of Intervention" - basically when you start faffing with one thing it throws the whole process out of whack! For a lot of reasons I don't want interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Having read lots of studies etc. I feel a little more clued up now on the process and risks of various things. Hoping to have a chat with the midwife about it today, and go through a few concerns. Obviously I'm hoping to not need any of this at all, but a failure to prepare is preparing to fail!

This is probably all so dull for anyone not overdue with a baby - sorry!! I'm still confident that baby is fine, and will show up when they are ready. I just need to keep reminding myself that the body is incredible, and childbirth has been happening for a very long time. I need to not let my confidence waiver, and just focus on how exciting it all is. Easier said than done I'm afraid!

So I said this last time, but maybe next time I update I'll have a baby? Until then - clary sage, ball bouncing, lots of walking, and a bit of hoping!

With love and light xo

40+1

No babies yet. I was kind of thinking I wouldn't get to add any more pictures here, but at least I'm pretty sure I won't need another row! I was quite curious if she'd dropped any in the pictures but I don't think so - just gone outward a little more.

Officially 1 day overdue today, but I've always thought my due date was the 1st September anyway so not particularly climbing the walls yet, however after today I am all for Operation Shift Baby! Haven't tried any moving baby methods yet, other than cleaning and scrubbing floors today, but planning a curry and a walk tonight maybe; followed by lots of Clary Sage!


Packed, repacked and checked all my bags and home birth stuff today. Showed Mitchell where everything is and what everything's for. Doesn't feel particularly impending but then it never did with Alice either - not really had any pains or tightenings etc. other than killer back pain at the end of the days. If anything, I feel better this week than I have in weeks! Struggling a little to sleep but that's only down to me being the size of a small house.

Big thank you to my mum who has helped huge amounts over these past few weeks with having Alice and helping out, and another big thankyou to Mitch's family for having Alice and helping out! Would have certainly been struggling a lot more without everyone's help!

So, no news at the moment. Will try and write a quick post when things are happening!

With love and light xo

38+3 - Stick a fork in me!

For a while I didn't even think I'd have to put another row on the bump picture - I was super convinced I was going to be early as I just feel huuuuge! However here we are, 38 and a bit weeks and not a twinge in sight. Obviously baby girl is quite happy in there, and far be it from me to tell her what to do!

Midwife today and baby is happy and healthy still. Still measuring a few cm large for dates but it's calmed down loads, and since the growth scan they're quite happy I'm not going to birth a 19lb baby. Heart and blood pressure all okay, and I've been booked in again for 2 weeks when I will officially be 3 days overdue. I'm not going to lie - I'm kind of hoping I don't end up attending that appointment!


I had another GTT a few weeks ago as they, yet again, suspected gestational diabetes due to glucose in urine. The GTT was no fun - could eat at 6am but then not till after 4pm and I was just feeling super sick and ratty. However, thankfully no diabetes, so still all on track for a normal birth, and hopefully a homebirth!

Everything is (hopefully) ready to go on the homebirth front now. I have a huge box of old towels and sheets; we have tried the birth pool; I have snacks for everyone involved; I've packed a bag with all mine and babies things in that I hopefully won't need; I have music; I've been listening to hypnobirth tracks; and generally reading all / any homebirth stories I can get my hands on.

This site has pretty much been my bible and I've spent countless 3am hours reading every midwife article, birth story, advice list and FAQ I can get! http://www.homebirth.org.uk/


Feel really positive about the birth at the moment. Had a lovely evening practicing with the pool and working through any little issues - e.g. which taps to use to fill, where to put it, lighting and tarps etc. It was so lovely to get in and took all the aches and pains out of my hips and legs - it's just ridiculously huge and felt completely like I was floating in all the lovely warm water. I know last time the water made a huge difference to labour pains and I'm really hoping to successfully birth in the pool again - I think it made a huge difference and would completely recommend it. 
I haven't written much about my reasons behind choosing a homebirth on here - partly because I don't want to sound like it's the right thing to do! It's what I want to do, but every woman should be given the right to choose whatever seems right for them. Birth is all about making informed choices, to hopefully be empowered by how incredible your body is. For me, there are lots of reasons I want to be at home. For others, there are lots of reasons they don't. If I end up in hospital I won't have "failed", but that doesn't mean I want to be there!
I'm really looking forward to being in my own space, with my own things, my own bath, and all my own creature comforts. Being able to make a drink or have a wander or potter about while in the early stages, without the big "is it time to go yet?!" rush of last time. I'm looking forward to feeling in control, being in my own environment, and on my terms. I'm looking forward to getting into my own bed when it's all done, with a tiny baby and no other ladies /babies in the room, and no doctors poking my baby at 6am for no reason! 
I'm mostly looking forward to all the midwives going home and leaving us to get to know our little girl, and us all getting to know each other as a family of 4!
Obviously I'm not looking forward to the pain of labour, but I feel ready now. I keep dreaming of labour, and every time I get so much as a mild cramp I think it may be something starting! Mitch and Kirsty have both guessed tomorrow, but Mitch has since retracted his guess and thinks I'll be weeks yet - rubbish! I'm getting uncomfortable and tired, and every day seem to be finding it a little harder. I will obviously miss being pregnant, but I'm ready now.
Have a guess here - chocolate based prize for the winner ;) http://bebepool.com/go/?a=lizz&view=list

Who knows - maybe the next time I update I'll have a baby?!

With love and light xo

36+3 - An update

Time for a bit of a pregnancy update I think! To put the picture above in perspective, here's last time at 36 weeks-ish!

So I am now 36 weeks, and physically getting to the "well ready" stage! Mitch is putting up with all my moaning, bless him, but it's starting to start to be a little frustrating in parts. I think baby has dropped a lot, looking at pics above, and because of that I'm having quite a lot of hip pain etc. Moving is becoming a little cumbersome, and I would say I've perhaps lost what little bit of elegance I ever had and gained a lovely waddle!

I'm sleeping okay-ish - waking up around half the time for a couple of hours in the night. I wake up, and it's just like my brain has been completely turned on and I am wide awake - normally from around 3 - 5.30ish? Then it hardly seems worth going back to sleep as Alice up anytime from 6! It seems to hit me at points throughout the day, and I could literally just sleep stood up some of the time.

She is kicking lots, and still doing lots of movements, which can get quite painful now depending on where I'm being punched! Always reassuring to feel / see though, and I'm sure will be missed.

In general, I'm super lucky and feel really blessed to be able to plod on. But some days I'm just counting down the hours till Mitch gets home and I can have a little lie down! I have found this pregnancy physically harder than Alice - I don't think it's any worse, I think I just get a lot less time to sit down, as I'm normally chasing round after a mental toddler.

I broke up from work on Friday, although had originally wanted to do a few more weeks but had to use up some annual leave. Feels strange to be part of the maternity leave lot again, but definitely less relaxing than maternity leave last time ;)

The midwife came to the house on Friday to go through everything birth plan / home birth wise which was really lovely. We went through all eventualities and practicalities - I had to order a few more things for the birth, including a torch and spare batteries! Still need to get a few more bits together for it and assemble them in a box all together. Mostly just a few more old towels and sheets etc. that I don't mind throwing. I have packed a little hospital bag but really hoping not to use it.

Having a go filling the birth pool on Thursday night to see how long it takes to fill and how easy it is to get to temperature. Will have a look at what way to best arrange furniture etc. and just run through the last few logistical bits for home birth. Also planning to jump in and have a go - would be rude not to surely!!

I need to get birth snacks / drinks for me, but apparently most importantly for the midwives and Mitch / my mum! I have informed everyone involved that I'm not putting a buffet on but apparently it's falling on deaf ears!! :P

Also need to jump back on the Hypnobirthing band wagon and start listening to the CDs again. I found some of the techniques really helped me stay focussed and in control last time, and it really can't do any harm! Got some Clary Sage aromatherapy oil, and a lovely lady from online has sent me some labour massage oil too.

Mentally feeling a little fed up today - keep having glucose in urine so have to go for yet another Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday. It's a stupid fasting test, and I'm so used to snacking all the time at the moment as I can't really eat a whole meal. I'm sure the results will be negative again, and it's just such a long time to be sat in the hospital, starving, with naff all to do. Even though I'm sure it's nothing, I will worry all weekend about results, as Gestational Diabetes would mean no home birth, no water birth, lots of monitoring and medication etc. Not a path I want to go down at all.

Still, trying to stay positive and remember my body knows exactly what it's doing, and all will be okay.


Have set up the pushchair with a buggy board, and been practicing with the Moby wrap / Babyhawk and a teddy to make sure I have options for getting out the house when baby is here! Although very tempting just to hibernate, need to make sure we all get a little bit of fresh air. Alice currently unsure about buggy board, so hoping to take her out for a wander maybe before the littlest one shows up.

We keep talking about how her sister will be here soon and she keeps telling me her sister is asleep and when she is awake she will come out to play. She also wrapped a little present for the baby for me last night, and we keep talking about babies and breastfeeding. I'm trying my best to make sure she knows what's happening, but I guess we'll see soon!

37 weeks on Friday, so baby is classed as full term and is free to show up at any point from then on! If you haven't guessed already, please place your bets! - http://bebepool.com/go/admin/?a=lizz&view

With love and light xo

24+4 - Pregnancy Update

Just a brief pregnancy update as I realised I've not written anything for a while!

We have finally picked a name, which turned out to be easy after months of it being a sore subject! We couldn't agree on anything at all - I loved (love!) Matilda, but Mitch didn't like it no matter how much I brought it up. We both liked Beatrice / Beatrix but it never seemed 100% right. I woke up one morning with a name in my head that I hadn't even thought about before, rung Mitch, and we both loved it. Perfect. I think it was partly that he was fed up of picking names, but I'm 100% happy with what we've chosen!

I am very round. However at least I don't look fat anymore, just very pregnant! I am already starting to struggle a bit with rolling over at night and moving a little, and having the 4am wake ups where I get stuck a bit like a whale. I have currently found an elaborate 300 pillow wedging system that seems to be working for the most part, and I am extremely thankful for the super king size bed!

However, (touch wood) I seem to be having a pretty awesome pregnancy so far! No sickness anymore, the bug from last month has vanished, and I feel pretty great. Tired from chasing after a small Tasmanian devil, but I think that's just a tiring occupation!

The movements I'm feeling now are much more than little pops - they are huge kicks and wiggles that can be seen / felt from the outside. Feeling these now just shows me how much less I felt Alice with her anterior placenta (placenta at front). I think this time I'd only just started feeling her kick, whereas now I'm already partly recreating scenes from Alien. Mostly, I love being reminded of her. However not so much at 4am when it's party time all up in my ribs!

We have emptied the spare room in preparation for starting to get all the baby things out the attic over the next few weeks / months. I've kind of planned a few little decoration-y bits, but I know it's not super important as she will probably end up in bed with us permanently attached to me for about the first year. (I'm finding this part the hardest to be enthusiastic about!). Still, it would be nice for her to have a pretty room, and I'll put pictures up as / when we get to making it look nice.

We've left the double bed up in her room as a spare room / Mitch needs to get some sleep room - which will be loads nicer than last time we had a newborn baby in the tiny flat!

Not really bought anything or done anything - feel a bit unprepared, but I know we have everything from Alice still in the attic so there's not really a lot we need! It does make me a bit sad that I haven't been able to get all excited about buying tiny person things, but I don't want to spend money for the sake of it. I'll need to buy a few warmer outfits for her to see us through the winter, but I'll wait till she arrives and see what size she is.

Having a name and feeling her move makes it a little more real, but it still feels like something super far away in the distance. I don't remember how I felt with Alice - did having more time to think about it make it more absolute? At the moment it's just a distant idea in the back of my head most of the time! Is that awful?

I know that I obviously love her, and will love her so much, but right now I'm so terrified as to how I could love anyone as much as I love Alice! How do you split yourself in 2?

With love and light xo

16+3 - An Update...

So I realised I've literally written nothing at all about this pregnancy, and wanted to do a bit of an update. The main reason I've written nothing - nothing to report!

Baby is fine so far - I heard the heartbeat last week at the midwife. I'm 16 weeks now, and all went well at 12 week scan. Booked in for 20 week scan in a few weeks time to hopefully check all is okay and find out gender (if baby cooperates!)

I've not felt any movements for sure yet, although I might have felt a few - it's difficult to tell with running about. Would be nice to feel a few little kicks but I remember that the novelty wears off when you have bruised ribs!

To be honest - I've not had a lot of time to think about this baby and the time has just flown by so far. I often feel a little guilty, as I spent so much time thinking about baby things when pregnant with Alice, and I've hardly acknowledged that I'm pregnant this time! But I guess that's what happens with a second baby.

I've been really lucky so far, only had a little bit of sickness and no aches or pains yet - just been quite tired but even that seems to have lifted somewhat. I've definitely got a little bump now, but only put on about 4lb so far - I really want to try and limit my weight gain but we will see how that goes.

We literally haven't bought a thing for the baby, but I guess that will change if we find out gender etc. I've always tried to be a bit gender neutral with clothes, and all our big items (pushchairs etc.) are all neutral so nothing big to buy. All the cloth nappies are pink (mistake on my part!) but the baby will have to deal with that!

Name-wise we have picked a few girls names, and not even one boys name. We have never ever been able to decide on a boys name, so here's hoping it's a girl ;)

Bit of a boring post - but I like boring pregnancy! Hoping for another boring 5 months really!

With love and light xo

Finished Bump Series!

Also, I realised I never got around to posting this! Here is my finished bump photo series! :)

Look at them all in full by clicking on Week By Week!

With love and light xo

39+3 - Bump Photo

Only one more space on the photo grid, hopefully to be filled with a picture of me and baby! Click here to see them all in order :)

With love and light xo

37+2 - Bump Photo

Click here to see the previous bump photos :)

With love and light xo

35+3 - Bump Photo

And click here for the other ones for a comparison :).

With love and light xo

33+2 - Bump Photo

And click here for the other ones for a comparison :). Will blog soon - nothing new to report really!

With love and light xo

31+3 - Bump photo

With love and light xo

29+3 - Bump Photo

Excuse the face - I'm blaming horrid skin and lack of natural light! Got a bit mardy this morning and wanted to stop taking the photos but Mitch persuaded me I'd regret it if I did. So, here's 29 weeks.

Annnnd a comparison for good luck...

With love and light xo

27+3 - Week-By-Week Comparison!

With love and light xo

27+3 - Bump Photo

27 Week bump photo, click here to see any of the other bump photos :).

With love and light xo

25+3 - Bump Photo

So here's my 25 week photo! Click here to see any of the other bump photos :).

Bought the pram today which is just sooooo exciting - it's beautiful! I keep going into the spare room just to look at it, or push it around a little. That's a bit weird right?

With love and light xo

22+2 - Bump Photo

Quick update with a bump photo - will post more tomorrow! People now keep commenting on my little bump which is lovely :)

With love and light xo

20+6 - Bump Photo

Technically this is nearly 21 weeks, however it's all I've got! Only got chance to take this today because we have snow day! Will update with more info over the next few days, but all is well here.

With love and light xo

18+3 - Bump Photo

Excuse the tired face and poor light, I'm afraid it's that time of year! Will update over the next few days, super sleepy tonight. Nothing to report - still no movement felt :(. But all is well!

With love and light xo

16+3 - Bump Photo

New picture taken today, sorry about the rubbish quality but Mitch is away with work and had to take it with my Macbook. I'm going to try and aim for every other week now, so we'll see how that goes!

With love and light xo