40+11 - Homebirth / Induction

Having a bit of a wobble today. I thought I might go overdue, and I thought I might even make it to 10 days like Violet, but I'm sort of in unchartered territory for myself now.

Woke up at 3am checking and rechecking all my facts with regards to NICE Guidlelines for induction, AIMS, research on pros and cons of induction and just generally the next steps moving forwards. I've agreed to go in and have the baby monitored tomorrow for half an hour at +12 days, then we will take it from there. I'm guessing they're going to suggest induction at +14 days and I'm going to push for monitoring again, and we will take it from there.

It's in no way that I don't want this baby out (dear God do I want this baby out right now!), but at the moment for me the risks of induction far outweigh any risks of keeping the baby in. Baby is currently happy, heart beat fine, moving fine etc. Obviously if anything weren't right I would reconsider, but research has shown that induction leads to intervention in 2/3 of births. Something like 1/5 of inductions end in caesarian and that's just not a route I can go down with the 2 other kids at home to look after!

So at the moment I'm happy to delay induction till at least 15 days over - where I wobble is homebirth at +15. At the moment I'm kind of thinking that that's a bridge we will just have to cross and evaluate when we get there. No point worrying about that just yet!

I've been trying so hard to be super positive and take a very much "baby will come when she's ready" approach, but today I just hurt and I'm tired and I'm sore from yet another sweep (Sweep number 4. Ouch.) and I just feel like this is never going to happen. Realistically I know that's not the case but I'm just so uncomfortable and fed up of being on edge all the time reading into each little twinge and trying to decide if they mean anything.

Saturday after sweep number 3 I started having regular tightenings / pains around 3ish and they carried on and off until 7/8. Every 10 mins like clockwork. We sent the kids for a sleepover and I honestly thought things were happening but was trying not to get excited. Nothing! Every night I get contractions it seems, and they just fizzle out to nothing. I've had this on and off for weeks and I'm a bit worried I'm not going to recognise the real thing till late. Realistically I know that won't happen, but it does add a bit of a "fun" element to arranging childcare / filling pool etc.

We have a birth pool inflated in our dining room and I've given up putting it up and down! It is currently just a design feature of our house. I found I can't sleep without it up as I constantly dream of going into labour and not having anything ready.

Trying to make sure the house is always clean, tidy and birth ready is a bit of a pain in the arse too. I mean we don't exactly live in squalor normally but I'm so done with trying to live in a show room! Especially when pretty much everything hurts right now.

Right - moan done! I need to suck it up and crack on. Baby will be here soon and I am incredibly lucky to be in this position. Everyone is healthy and this time next week I would assume we will have a baby. Onwards and upwards!

With love and light xo

40+1

Only writing this stuff down so I don't forget it - may be TMI so don't read if you don't like gross stuff. After 2 kids I have lost my grossness filter so soz! That maybe means don't read if you don't like  to hear anything about vaginas or the word cervix makes you feel a bit sick in your mouth.

Okay - yesterday was due date. Obviously I'm no medical professional but baby is still on the inside as opposed to the outside. This is the opposite side to what we're currently aiming for apparently. And this is the thing with babies - they kind of come when they're ready rather than when we're ready for them!

We're pretty much ready at home - anything that isn't done by now isn't going to get done. There's still some painting and stuff to sort from the downstairs remodel thing but I think anything that isn't finished now will be added to the list of things that will never get done. It's a long list.

Tuesday I had a scan as my bump had measured static for growth for a few weeks, after measuring 3/4 weeks ahead the whole way through. I was totally fine about this, until I woke up about 2am freaking out that I hadn't even thought about it and what if they decided to keep me in and deliver the baby that day. Much to everyone else's chagrin I'd not really got a hospital bag so I shoved some stuff in a carrier bag and called it quits.

Thankfully all was fine and baby measuring great. Violet was disappointed because she couldn't really see the baby so she got mostly bored of the scan. According to their measurements baby was weighing around 7lb 4oz but that's like trying to tell how much someone weighs by looking at their hat. I am still thinking over 9lb.

(TMI bit) - Yesterday had a sweep at the midwife - 1.5/2cm dilated and cervix moving down. All good things but mean not a lot really! Started to regret having it last night as as soon as I was putting kids to bed had a bit of a melt down.

Completely exhausted from the past few weeks where Violet has been ill constantly - sick / vomiting most days and we've just been a bit here there and everywhere. She's been absolutely foul and Alice has been feeding off that and we've just had 3 weeks of cleaning up sick and very little sleep. I've been waking up at 3am after about 3/4 hours fitful sleep and then we've had hospitals and doctors and appointments coming out our eyes. However - I'm going to regret writing this - as of the past few days I feel like we're hopefully moving onwards and upwards. No sickness these past few days and she's started tentatively eating bits again and being a bit more chirpy.

So add the worry of that to the sweep yesterday, then I spent all evening in pain but not a good contraction-y pain just an all over ache, and I broke. The girls were acting up at bed time due to a culmination of chosing the same book and me attempting to suggest Alice needed her toes cutting, until Mitch found me crying in their room with both of them trying to fit on the rocking chair with me. Happy times!

Buttttt, last night I managed to stay asleep until sunrise after a lovely massage. Pain stopped this morning. (TMI) Lost plug this morning which is a good thing but also can completely mean nothing at all! I've had a bit of a walk round this morning and currently writing this bouncing on the ball after mopping floors and making flapjack just incase. Today would be a good day for a baby!

With love and light xo

40+6 - Failure to prepare...

I feel like I could just write - still pregnant. But, I'm trying to write things down as I know how quickly it all disappears from memory when baby gets here. Which will be soon hopefully?

I'm going to be honest - every day I go overdue it almost seems further away! Like having a baby is this weird metaphorical thing that might happen at some point in the future?

I've had a few evenings where I've felt a little optimistic about baby coming, with cramps / pains and a few Braxton Hicks: so I keep trying to go to bed and get some sleep and hope that I'll be woken in the early hours to something happening. It's the constant "what if?" that's exhausting. I wake up every hour in the night checking if my waters have broken, or if something is happening. I keep trying to make sure that at any given time I'm fed and the house is clean and I'm not shattered, just so I can cope with the labour to the best of my ability. It's a strange feeling of limbo - I don't want to plan too far ahead and I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but for a serial planner / organiser like me that's incredibly difficult!

If someone told me I'd be another week then that's fine, I could deal with that. But it's the constant apprehension and waiting that I'm finding difficult. I know I should just be enjoying the last few days of being pregnant, but I'm anxious and nervous and just want to crack on now! However I am enjoying the last few days of just Alice and mummy snuggles, and it's been nice to have these few days of sunshine to play with.

I had a sweep on Monday which was painful but not unbearable, and was 2cm dilated. I got a little excited after, thinking something might happen, but it was a huge anticlimax. I've got another booked today for 3.30, so hopefully she'll be able to tell me if there's been any progression at all - not that it means anything really!

I couldn't sleep last night for fretting about induction, so I decided to face it head on and did a couple of hours research on the pro's and con's of various things. (For anyone interested - NICE guidelines are always incredibly awesome, as is Homebirth.org.uk, the NHS website and the Royal College of Midwives)

I've already discussed with the midwife that I want to wait until 40+14 (2 weeks overdue) rather than 40+12, to give the baby as much chance as possible to come on their own. I'm feeling quite negative about induction and it's definitely something I want to avoid, so I'm glad to have an extra couple of days to allow my body to do it's thing.

It's not that I want to be pregnant an extra few days, it's just that the likelihood of needing intervention increases just such huge amounts when induction is used, and the chance of needing a caesarian or assisted delivery just shoots up. It tends to be referred to as the "Cascade of Intervention" - basically when you start faffing with one thing it throws the whole process out of whack! For a lot of reasons I don't want interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Having read lots of studies etc. I feel a little more clued up now on the process and risks of various things. Hoping to have a chat with the midwife about it today, and go through a few concerns. Obviously I'm hoping to not need any of this at all, but a failure to prepare is preparing to fail!

This is probably all so dull for anyone not overdue with a baby - sorry!! I'm still confident that baby is fine, and will show up when they are ready. I just need to keep reminding myself that the body is incredible, and childbirth has been happening for a very long time. I need to not let my confidence waiver, and just focus on how exciting it all is. Easier said than done I'm afraid!

So I said this last time, but maybe next time I update I'll have a baby? Until then - clary sage, ball bouncing, lots of walking, and a bit of hoping!

With love and light xo

40+1

No babies yet. I was kind of thinking I wouldn't get to add any more pictures here, but at least I'm pretty sure I won't need another row! I was quite curious if she'd dropped any in the pictures but I don't think so - just gone outward a little more.

Officially 1 day overdue today, but I've always thought my due date was the 1st September anyway so not particularly climbing the walls yet, however after today I am all for Operation Shift Baby! Haven't tried any moving baby methods yet, other than cleaning and scrubbing floors today, but planning a curry and a walk tonight maybe; followed by lots of Clary Sage!


Packed, repacked and checked all my bags and home birth stuff today. Showed Mitchell where everything is and what everything's for. Doesn't feel particularly impending but then it never did with Alice either - not really had any pains or tightenings etc. other than killer back pain at the end of the days. If anything, I feel better this week than I have in weeks! Struggling a little to sleep but that's only down to me being the size of a small house.

Big thank you to my mum who has helped huge amounts over these past few weeks with having Alice and helping out, and another big thankyou to Mitch's family for having Alice and helping out! Would have certainly been struggling a lot more without everyone's help!

So, no news at the moment. Will try and write a quick post when things are happening!

With love and light xo