Dear Alice - 15/16 Months

Dear Alice,

I'm sorry I missed out your 15 month update - butttt, better late than never right?

You are now 15 months old - and an awful lot has changed round here! We've had a very busy few months and have barely had time to breathe, let alone write on this blog.



You are now walking like a champ! You started about 6 weeks ago with a few tentative steps, and from that you have launched straight into running round like a complete maniac. It took you a few weeks to find your footing (literally), but you now don't crawl at all and love to chase the cat round. Poor kitty.

Speaking of kitty, you are now talking - but only saying 4 words! We have... kitty, daddy, shoes, and nose. Obviously the important things in life ;). I'm still waiting for mummy, which we say occasionally but I think mostly by accident!


We also got married!! You were a flower girl at our wedding on the 16th June, and you were absolutely perfect. You danced and cuddled and were just lovely. Your cousin Amelia was also a flower girl and you both looked perfect. I'm so glad that we all now have the same surname and I very much love our little family.

You have also had 2 holidays in the last month - lucky duck! We took you to Center Parcs for our honeymoon and you loved the ducks, bunnies and squirrels. We took you swimming every day and we all had an amazing time. You also had your first overnight stays with grandparents which was very strange for us, but you were an absolute angel!


For the other holiday we went with your nanny, granddad, and aunty Dayna to Devon for a week. We had such an amazing time as a big family!! You went to The Big Sheep which was brilliant, and you got to stroke lambs, feed the sheep, and bet on sheep racing! We also went to Exmoor Zoo and your favourite animals were the lemurs, the meerkats, or anything remotely "kitty" related! We went swimming loads and you're really getting the hang of your arm bands. You loved having time to spend with everyone and all the attention you received!

In Devon you also developed a new love of parks - slides and swings especially. This made everyone exercise by chasing you round the dangerous park of death! But the smile on your face when you come down a slide is absolutely worth it.

You're developing so much every day - you now do the signs to songs with no prompting, and try and get dressed yourself / put your shoes on every morning. You recognise more words than you can say, as you sometimes (when you want to!) fetch the item I've asked for.


You will also play happily with people or on your own sometimes, however we have also now developed the infamous toddler tantrum. I have no idea where it came from, but we now have arched back and screaming if I ever dare to try and make you do something you don't want.

This can be anything from "stop playing with the screwdriver" to "don't walk that way". It's a cross between frustrating, annoying, embarassing, and funny. I am not looking forward to this getting worse!


But, you are one amazing little girl. You are so lovely and I love spending time with you. I can't wait to watch you grow some more.

Love you more than anything in the world.

With love and light xo

Instagram - May 2012

My life lately according to my iPhone! Follow me on Instagram @evenstarx :)

 

  With love and light xo

Wedding - 16 Days

So yeah, I might have forgotten to update in nearlly a month again. And completely missed out Alice’s 13 month update. I'm sure I'll get round to that at some point. Well I’m now and that’s what matters right?

In truth we’ve been really busy with what seems like a million and one things, including the fact I’m getting married in 16 days! How crazy is that? I feel completely under prepared but I’m just trying not to worry about anything – as long as we get married everything will be ok. Someone tell me this is true?!

I'm also trying not to be a complete "bridezilla". I'd never even heard the phrase before, and to be fair, it seems a little sexist. It seems to me that the groom is expected to do sweet FA while the bride frets over what colour ribbon for the bouquets, and where Aunt Gwen is going to sit. Yes I'm worried about stuff, and yes I'm nervous that everything is going to go wrong, and  yes I'm probably going to snap at someone before the end of it! But does that make me a horrible person? Or just someone planning a party with no prior knowledge of anything!

I haven’t really spoken a lot about the wedding on here, partly because it’s not that interesting to most people I’m sure. But partly out of embarrassment – what if I write about how amazing it’s going to be and then it’s rubbish? Or no-one comes? Or all my origami birds get squished? (Seriously – I wake up at 3am thinking about origami and AA batteries. Loser.)

I think part of my issue is the fact I’ve spent too much time on amazing wedding websites (apracticalwedding.com, rocknrollbride.com, offbeatbride.com) and I'm constantly comparing myself to them. I'm not indie enough, or handmade enough, or geeky enough, or beautiful enough. But then I can't compare our day to the traditional wedding websites or magazines, because I'm not traditional enough, or formal enough, or what it really comes down to - rich enough!

Our day is completely different to how I imagined it, partly because I never realised just how expensive weddings were, and are expected to be. At the beginning of planning I sat down and contacted about 30 places I wouldn't have minded getting married. And as the replies started to seep in, I remember being completely and utterly overwhelmed and shocked at the expense of it all. I kissed goodbye to my dream of a forest, or a lake, or any of the images I had in my head! I'd pictured beautiful trees and great food, with an elegant (albeit slightly LoTR) twist! But where had I got these images from?
The media portrays weddings as being a huge affair, but we just don't have the funds for this. The AVERAGE cost for a wedding in the UK is approximately £20,000 - and that is really just the average. We have gone absolutely nowhere near this cost, and still I find myself stressing about the finances behind weddings.

Plus it doesn't help that I have literally NEVER been to a wedding so I haven't got a clue about anything! 
But, we've prioritised things that are important for us. I would rather have more people there, and a simpler (cheaper!) wedding, as I can't imagine having to narrow down just who "deserved" to be there. I would rather have a simple wedding, and not be in debt, and still be able to provide lots of things for Alice. I would rather be able to move house (a story for another post!), than have a massive wedding.

And that's what I have to keep reminding myself. This was our choice. That doesn't mean I haven't had a bit of a sob about the lack of ponies dressed as unicorns and 11 year olds playing the harp while doing the trapeze, but our wedding will still be amazing. I hope.

Anyway, as long as I look awesome - what else really matters?!

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 13 Months

Dear Alice,

This month you were 13 months old! You are going to have to stop growing soon or I’ll have to keep you in a dark box. (DISCLAIMER - I’m not actually going to put you in a box. Please don’t call Childline)

You have been standing much more this month, although only when you don't realise. I was so sure that you'd be walking by now, as you've been cruising since Christmas, but you are lazy. I wonder which parent you get that off?

You are talking much more, although the majority of it is gibberish! We've just learnt "uh-oh", which you normally say like it's a question!

You take particular delight in throwing all your food onto the floor piece by piece, followed by the "uh-oh". You definitely do not take after your dad in this respect - he would never waste good food.

It has been beautifully sunny outside, so we've been able to get the paddling pool out and play outside loads. This has led to lots of picnics and parks and splashing and being naked. Obviously only you've been naked - we don't want to get arrested. You absolutely love the paddling pool, particularly getting in and out to make sure you get really muddy, and cake yourself in a kind of suntan lotion / manky water / mud and grass / yogurt paste. It really is delightful.

The cat and you are becoming firm friends, especially when you sit on the cat and stroke her head. She now tries to run away from you but you are quite fast, so she has resigned herself to a sticky cuddle and kiss occasionally.

You keep attempting to drown yourself in bath by lying face down and splashing like a frog. I've given up trying to stop you because it makes you so happy. You still smile at us with a big gummy grin as you have no teeth whatsoever!

Mummy and daddy are getting married in a few weeks, so you and Amelia are going to be beautiful flower girls! Please be good and if you could walk down the aisle that would be great.

You are starting to becoming mardy and throw tantrums. This is not great, as I thought I had a few months before this would happen. If you don't get exactly what you want, we have a complete meltdown,complete with stiff arms and legs and screaming. If you could avoid doing this on our wedding day that would also be great!

We love you more than anything in the world, and you are becoming more and more brilliant every day.

With love and light xo

Alice's First Birthday

I never really updated about Alice's first birthday, so here's a quick one.

We had a brilliant day, and her birthday fell on the Grand National day. We always have a bit of a family get together for the race, so I just took a cake along to that! My Auntie kindly let us take over her house, and it was just lovely.

Alice obviously didn't have a clue what was going on, but she had fun opening her presents and eating food - what more could you ask for?

A few pictures -

















With love and light xo

Cbeebies Card

I need to update properly about Alice's birthday, but just wanted to add a few pictures of the AMAZING birthday card I sent into Cbeebies that they never even showed - thus breaking both mine and Alice's hearts. They also showed some proper rubbish cards, rubbing salt into the proverbial wound!




I've given up and I'm never doing it again. I thought the card was amazing and it took me approximately forever.

However, we did have a fabulous birthday and Alice enjoyed every second. I have tons of pictures which I'll add later when I'm perhaps a bit less bitter and twisted!!

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 1 Year

Dear Alice,

Today is your birthday! You are 1 year old – when did that happen?

This past week or so you have started standing a little on your own – unfortunately not yet long enough for me to take a picture! You only seem to do it by accident, but I don’t think it will be long till you’re standing much more.

You are talking away a lot more, and will quite happily sit and jabber to yourself! I don’t quite know what you’re trying to say but you’re very insistent.

You also point at things you want, and get very frustrated if they aren’t passed to you right that second!

You have the most brilliant little laughs and giggles, however you seem to do them whenever you’re being told off or doing something naughty! You also love to spray your yoghurt everywhere or blow raspberries all the time.

We still only have just the 2 little bottom teeth, but that doesn’t seem to stop you eating and chewing away – they are very sharp! I keep trying to check for some more teeth but you love to bite my fingers!

You have been off your food all this week, which is really hard. You normally love all food and you’ve just been picking and choosing tiny bits. Hopefully you’ll be back to your normal self soon. However this month you’ve still enjoyed blueberries and grapes.

I hope you have a brilliant day – we have loved the past year of having you in our lives, and can’t wait to see how you change and grow in birthdays to come.

With love and light xo

1 Year Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is Alice’s birthday, so it has been an entire year she has been in our life. I’m trying to think back to how I felt / what I thought this time last year. I’ve been reading through a few blog entries, and looking through pictures to try and remember, but I can’t seem to capture it.

Obviously a mixture of scared and excited and nervous, but it just seems like a complete another life ago. I can’t capture my feelings there, because I almost see myself as another person. I’d say that I just can’t believe how much our lives have changed, but in reality, I can’t believe how much I have changed.

Sometimes I just can’t quite believe how incredibly lucky we are. Alice is a brilliant and beautiful little girl, who every day becomes more curious about the world surrounding her. I can’t wait to watch her grow and learn, and be there for her.

Yet part of me is more scared than I’ve ever been. I almost feel like this is where the real parenting starts. Before now, we’ve been pretty much concentrating on keeping her alive. How am I going to cope with tantrums and discipline? How am I going to teach her things I barely know? How can I help her grow, yet encourage her independence?

I want what every parent wants – a child who is happy and well loved. Yet I know I’m supposed to be her guide and her facilitator, but also her friend and her parent, and at times, her enemy. How are all these roles balanced? And when Alice eventually grows and develops into an adult – how do you sit back at the end of the day and feel confident that you did a good job?

I want so many things for her, and I’m terrified of failing. I know than in reality there is no outright failure, but that I am going to make bad decisions and make wrong choices. And obviously so will Alice. But it’s how we both deal with these failures that really makes the difference.

In reality – this thought terrifies me more than the idea of birth and having a baby. I now have a lovely little child, who I am responsible for. For me, it feels like parenting is only just beginning.

But, we’ve gotten through the first year! We have had an incredible year, and here’s to many more.

I really hope to be able to carry on blogging for a while - as for me it's quite cathartic both writing and re-reading some of these entries. Especially with another exciting year coming up, including my wedding in 64 days...!

With love and light xo

Alice Blowing Raspberries

Dear Alice - 11 Months

Dear Alice,

This month you are 11 months old. When did that happen?!

I seemed to curse myself last time I wrote this, as I said you were sleeping through. Since then you have been waking up once a night at 2am, which is manageable but frustrating!

You have started feeding yourself with a spoon which is quite a messy business! You are also loving blueberries and would quite happily eat a punnet every day.

You had your first go in a paddling pool and your first ice lolly in the sunshine. You loved both and had a lovely splash! You also had your first go on a swing and you were a bit unsure to start with, but ended up loving it. Obviously penguin came too.

You've started dancing to music all the time - you have better moves than me. Not difficult.

We went away to Filey for the weekend and had a lovely little break with just the 3 of us. We went swimming, played games, and just chilled out. You took me to Bridlington for Mother's Day where we had donuts on the seafront. It was a brilliant weekend away and we all got chance to relax a little.

This month I also started back at work, which is sad for so so many reasons. I'm only going back 2 days a week but it is still hard. I would love to win the lottery and look after you every day, but you are having the best time with your 2 grandmas (or should I say nanny and mama!). I just know how lucky how I am to be able to go back part time, and that you have childcare I can trust.

We have also had your first recognisable words - we've had lots of sounds before but I would say these are definite words. We have "dat" for cat, and "t" for thankyou / ta. I also think you're understanding a lot more than you're saying - you put your arms up for a hug and definitely understand "no" but you choose to ignore it!

We love you more than anything in the world,

With love and light xo