Dear Alice and Violet - 30 months and 1 month!

Dear Alice, and now - Dear Violet too!

I've been writing letters every month, but I'm afraid Violet that they may be a little less frequent with you! I barely seem to have time to breathe, let alone write on here. But, today is a rainy day and Sarah and Duck on the telly is giving me a bit of time. Thankyou Sarah and Duck!

Okay so Alice first - this has been a big few months for you!

Dear Alice,

You are now 30 months old, or 2 1/2. You are growing out of a lot of your 2-3 clothes, and seem to have shot up a little these past few weeks.

The first big change has obviously been you adjusting to life as a big sister. I spent many sleepless pregnant nights worrying how you'd be - would you act out? Would you be incredibly jealous? Would you try to break her? It turns out I should never have worried. You have been absolutely amazing!

Violet is the first thing you ask for in the morning and the last person you want to speak to at night. You want to cuddle her and hold her all the time (sometimes a little too hard but that's okay!). You like telling me all about her tiny little fingers, and you love to tell me she's a "tiny baby piggy".

You like helping me change her nappy and telling everyone "I'm very useful!", and you tell me when she needs "more milkies mummy". You stroke her head while she's feeding and you rock her in her chair (again sometimes a little too hard!) and you are altogether amazing. Whether that will all change when she's mobile and can get in your toys we will see but you are the best big sister I could ever ask for.

The other big development over the past few weeks has been potty training! We are now in week 3 and getting better every day (although apparently not today if my damp sofa is anything to go by!). It's still a little up and down but you are doing really well at telling me when you need to go etc. It has made us a bit like hermits for the past few weeks while we try and stay close to a toilet, but we're getting back into the swing of things now!

You are still sleeping really well thankfully, and you now wake up at 6am but play in your room with your toys / books till 7. You have generally completely destroyed it by the time I walk in but that's fine!

You have started telling much more elaborate stories, with characters that have conversations in different voices and have different opinions. I keep trying to film you doing it because it's hilarious! At the moment it's normally Shaun the Sheep talking to Tom (who is a dragon) and mummy pig. Normally mummy pig is telling you to do something you don't want to do - a bit like real life I suppose?

You also want to play games all the time now - hide and seek and eye spy particularly. Unfortunately, you only understand some of the rules, and for eye spy you can't spell, but that makes the game more interesting!

We have started a bit of a new family tradition of unplugged family time on a Sunday morning. If it's nice weather we go for a walk, and if it's not we take you swimming with daddy's gym pass. It's sort of my way of making sure you still get lots of attention, even if I'm a little distracted with Violet in the week!

I'm also going to try and take you to a ballet class on Saturday morning so we will see how that goes - hopefully you love it and don't have a complete melt down!

Okay, so on to your little sister.

Dear Violet,

I apologise in advance that I'm afraid your letters and going to be shorter and more sporadic than your sisters' - it's not that I love you any less it's just I'm a little stretched!

You are now 5 weeks old, which has absolutely zooooomed by.

You have grown so much already. I haven't had you weighed since you were about 3 weeks old, but you seem so huge already. You outgrew your newborn things in about a week, and I think you've only got a week or so left in your 0-3 clothes. You seem to grow huge amounts every night - I'm tempted to keep you in the dark so you stay my tiny baby forever!

You sleep like a baby. That's my standard response to anyone who asks! You wake up every hour or couple of hours for feeds and cuddles, but that's fine - you take all you need little one. That doesn't mean I'm not tired, but you're a lovely face to wake up to!

We've got the hang of feeding again, and you feed really well - as evidenced by your size!

You are getting more alert and spending more time awake every day. When you're awake your eyes are big, blue and bright - following our voices and looking straight at us. I keep telling daddy that you're smiling but he doesn't believe me. I can tell when you're happy as your eyes change and you just look different - it makes my heart beam.

You love both your bouncy chair and rocking swing, and will quite happily doze in them while I try and entertain your sister. However she does try and feed you chocolate so we have to watch her quite carefully! You also like being in the Moby wrap, and tend to snuggle and sleep in it which is lovely and gives me chance to explorer with Alice!

No matter how wound up you are, you always calm down for bath time with your big sister, and that's my favourite time of the day with daddy too. We all go in the bathroom and listen to music and dance, and it's lovely.

You are quite content aslong as you have been fed and cuddled, what more can I ask for?

I am so lucky to have both of you, no matter how tricky it might be figuring everything out. We love you both so much.

With love and light xo

Birth Story!

I was 8 days overdue, and completely and utterly fed up! I wasn't sleeping well, or at all really, as baby was forever kicking me in the ribs, so Mitchell had took Alice downstairs and left me in bed to try and get a little more sleep. At this point I was convinced I was going to be pregnant for the next 25 years, because I’m nothing if not melodramatic!

I’d been having mild contractions on and off all week, but nothing super painful and nothing to convince me that baby was coming. I’d had 2 sweeps, and was booked in for a third on the Monday morning to try and get things moving along. I’d already pushed to delay induction to term+14 rather than term+12, and was beginning to resign myself to induction at some point. Mitch was fed up of the smell of Clary Sage which apparently smells like dirt and goth shops. I had walked and walked, marched up and down stairs, bounced on balls, and had plenty of curry. I would say the effectiveness of all these things was 0!

On the sunny Saturday morning I woke up and stumbled / waddled to the bathroom, and shouted Mitch upstairs. I wasn’t sure, but I thought my waters might have broken.

And that was pretty much the question all day Saturday – had they or hadn’t they?! With Alice it was such a definite so I was unsure and felt really silly for not knowing. I called the midwife around midday and they sent someone out just after lunch. I felt really negative as I thought I was just being silly and wasting everyone’s time, and I hated the uncertainty. The midwife wasn’t sure either, but explained the hospital’s policy – induction after 24 hours if labour hadn’t started. I explained how keen I was to avoid induction, especially if we weren’t even sure if it was my waters! She agreed to leave me a few hours to see what happened, and take it from there.

I spent the afternoon feeling sorry for myself on the sofa, and when the midwife called back later (4pm-ish) I still didn’t really know either way. She suggested I go to the hospital later for them to check if my waters had gone, and I reluctantly agreed – if only to see that they hadn’t gone and avoid induction / stop the uncertainty!

We sent Alice to go with Mitch’s mum and dad overnight, and I still felt really silly for wasting everyone’s time. Surely if it had been my waters I would have felt a twinge by now? I avoided telling people I was going up to hospital so I didn’t disappoint when I came home!

Around 7pm we headed up to hospital, only to find out that only 1 person was allowed in triage with me, so mum ended up in the hospital reception for the next 2 hours on her own – sorry mum! I was assured that we’d only be there an hour, but ended up waiting around until 9.30. Being in the hospital reminded me of all the reasons I wanted a homebirth. It was unorganized, I was uncomfortable, I couldn’t have the people I wanted there, and we were mostly ignored. Obviously I don’t blame the midwives, I wasn’t a priority as I wasn’t in labour! But I was fed up and just wanted to go home.

Silver lining though – my waters had definitely gone! They tried to schedule me for induction at 10am the next day till I told them they could book it, but I wouldn’t be turning up. Eventually we agreed on 4pm the next day. I was feeling confident my body would go into labour before then, and that everything would work out. I was also too tired for more of an argument!

We all headed home, and I tried to have some food, knowing I would be needing the energy at some point in the next few hours (hopefully!). At this point, I was kind of hoping I’d get at least a few hours sleep to prepare! I sent my mum and Mitchell to bed, and told them I’d wake them when needed.

I tried to go to bed around 10pm, and had a fitful sleep, waking up with pains but trying to ignore them. Around midnight I got up and decided that sleep wasn’t happening so I’d get up and have a potter round.

I spent the next hour bouncing on the birthing ball and chatting to my brother on Facebook. I’d decided to start timing the pains, and they were around every 4/5 mins lasting for 45 seconds. Around 12pm I could still breathe and type through them, but when it got to 1am I was having to really concentrate on them and close my eyes / breathe deeply.

After timing them for an hour, I decided I was definitely in early labour, but coping okay and was probably going to be a very long time! I rung the midwives just to say I was in labour, but that I probably didn’t need anyone just yet. I decided to go upstairs and give Mitchell a prod and see if he was awake, and let him know what was going on.

Mitch got up after 1ish and started filling the pool as we knew it took around an hour to fill. I tried to persuade him not to fill it yet, as I thought I’d be another 8+ hours and didn’t want the water to get cold! He put me the TENS machine on but it wasn’t doing a huge amount. I was concentrating on breathing and counting through contractions, but had given up timing them. When the pool was full I sent him in the living room to try and get some more sleep while I labored with some music on.

I tried to lie down and rest, and I think he managed 5 minutes before I jumped up and shouted out for help – on the contraction I’d felt the baby move down, and my waters went in a much more dramatic fashion. Suddenly the bearable contractions had become much more intense, and I was having to really breathe and moan through them. I was trying to avoid getting in the pool for as long as possible, as I knew it could slow labour down, and I was trying to make sure I really felt the benefit when I got in.

After a few more intense contractions, I decided to jump in the pool and see what happened. I had a few more contractions in the pool, and they were coming on much closer and stronger – around every 3/4 minutes for a minute. Around 2.30am I told Mitch to call the midwives and get them to head over at some point soon. He rung my mum at same time, and we told her not to rush over – just head over at some point in the next hour or so.

I was still joking and chatting in between contractions, but was having to really concentrate on trying to relax and breathe with the pains. My mum arrived around 2.45 and I still felt bad for getting her out of bed when it would probably be hours!

The midwife arrived around 15 mins later, around 3am. (I have no idea of any of these times I’m just bugging Mitch!) At this point I was remembering how painful was! I felt quite shaky and weak inbetween contractions, but could focus and concentrate on the pains. Mitch and my mum took it in turns rubbing my back for contractions and that really helped me focus and concentrate more.

I was contracting about every 3 minutes, so the midwife was trying to do her checks in the gaps! She checked babies heartbeat – contraction – my pulse – contraction – blood pressure – contraction. Then the dreaded words – “Would you like me to check how far along you are?”. I knew from reading lots of birth stories that it could be a double edged sword – if she said 3cm would I be able to cope? Would I want to give up and have all the drugs? I decided I needed to know! I have never been so thankful to hear someone say 8cm in my entire life!

This was around 3.15, so she quickly decided to get things out the car and call the second midwife – although I was well lost in labour land at this point and didn’t really notice!

After a few more contractions I knew that my body was pushing whether I wanted to or not. Whereas last time I found the pushing helpful to concentrate pain, this time it made it more painful, but I knew it meant it was getting to the end.

I had a few big contractions, lots of big pushing, and then a head! Her head was born, then I had to wait for another contraction – it seemed to take forever but was probably only a minute. Then, at 3.34am on 8th September 2013, Violet was born into the world!

There was no time for gas an air, no second midwife, and Mitch was definitely disappointed he didn’t have time for his buffet.

The second midwife turned up a little later, and she weighed Violet at 9lb 2oz! At this point I was convinced I would need lots of stitches, so was super relieved when I jumped out the pool to find I wouldn’t need any – for that I can only thank the pool!

The midwives stayed for a little while, I gave baby a feed which she took to like an absolute pro. Probably too well actually – she fed pretty much constantly for the first 5 days!

Around 4.30 everyone went home, Mitch saw me up to bed and tucked me in to feed Violet. He tidied round for an hour or so, then we were all alone as a family. Having a homebirth was an incredible experience – yes it was painful, but it was also empowering. I felt completely relaxed and comfortable in my environment, I got to go to my bed and eat my own food and listen to my own music! There was no mad rush to hospital – I’m not sure I would have made it as we wouldn’t have started to head in till around 3!

It also meant that the next day Alice came home to meet her baby sister, in her own environment. I was terrified how they would get along, but Alice completely dotes on her sister. We will see how well this lasts when Mitch goes back to work so she has to share me!

All in all, I had a fantastic birth experience. Today she is 11 days old and physically I feel great. Even the same day I was up and about and tidying / cleaning and lifting. I felt better that day than I had for the last few months of pregnancy!

We’ve struggled a lot more with breastfeeding this time, and I would say I’ve found feeding a lot harder than the birth. Because of her size, she was born starving! And whereas Alice slept a lot for the first few days, Violet just fed pretty much constantly. Up to around day 8/9 I had issues with cracks / bleeding when feeding and was finding it incredibly difficult to persuade myself to feed each time – it just hurt so bad!

But, we seem to have broken the back of feeding and not in pain anymore. Still feeding often, but that’s what babies do! Glad to have (hopefully) got through the other side of the misery!

Mitch’s paternity leave has completely flown by, and I’m really hoping for a lottery win this weekend. I have no idea how I’m going to manage with them both, and how I’m going to entertain Alice while I’m feeding, but we’ll just have to figure it out!

Violet is completely perfect. She is huge, and out of some of her newborn clothes already :(. She looks exactly like her sister did, but has much more hair, and its definitely a little darker – maybe not another blonde?

Posts may be a little thin on the ground while I figure out how to be a mum of 2! But wanted to write this all down before I forgot it.

TL;DR version – I had a baby. She is awesome. I had her at home without pain relief because I’m badass. We are all in love!

With love and light xo

Introducing Violet!

Introducing - 
Violet Anne 8th September 2013 - 3.34am  9lb 2oz







Hoping to make a start on the birth story in the next few days, but we had a lovely homebirth in the water that was just perfect! We're all still getting used to each other, and getting used to breastfeeding again. Alice loving being a big sister so far, although she's more enjoying the fact that daddy is off work for a few weeks!

As with Alice, struggling a little with breastfeeding today (day 4/5) and just hoping to push through to the other side. She is completely perfect in every way, and we can't imagine life without her.

With love and light xo

40+6 - Failure to prepare...

I feel like I could just write - still pregnant. But, I'm trying to write things down as I know how quickly it all disappears from memory when baby gets here. Which will be soon hopefully?

I'm going to be honest - every day I go overdue it almost seems further away! Like having a baby is this weird metaphorical thing that might happen at some point in the future?

I've had a few evenings where I've felt a little optimistic about baby coming, with cramps / pains and a few Braxton Hicks: so I keep trying to go to bed and get some sleep and hope that I'll be woken in the early hours to something happening. It's the constant "what if?" that's exhausting. I wake up every hour in the night checking if my waters have broken, or if something is happening. I keep trying to make sure that at any given time I'm fed and the house is clean and I'm not shattered, just so I can cope with the labour to the best of my ability. It's a strange feeling of limbo - I don't want to plan too far ahead and I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but for a serial planner / organiser like me that's incredibly difficult!

If someone told me I'd be another week then that's fine, I could deal with that. But it's the constant apprehension and waiting that I'm finding difficult. I know I should just be enjoying the last few days of being pregnant, but I'm anxious and nervous and just want to crack on now! However I am enjoying the last few days of just Alice and mummy snuggles, and it's been nice to have these few days of sunshine to play with.

I had a sweep on Monday which was painful but not unbearable, and was 2cm dilated. I got a little excited after, thinking something might happen, but it was a huge anticlimax. I've got another booked today for 3.30, so hopefully she'll be able to tell me if there's been any progression at all - not that it means anything really!

I couldn't sleep last night for fretting about induction, so I decided to face it head on and did a couple of hours research on the pro's and con's of various things. (For anyone interested - NICE guidelines are always incredibly awesome, as is Homebirth.org.uk, the NHS website and the Royal College of Midwives)

I've already discussed with the midwife that I want to wait until 40+14 (2 weeks overdue) rather than 40+12, to give the baby as much chance as possible to come on their own. I'm feeling quite negative about induction and it's definitely something I want to avoid, so I'm glad to have an extra couple of days to allow my body to do it's thing.

It's not that I want to be pregnant an extra few days, it's just that the likelihood of needing intervention increases just such huge amounts when induction is used, and the chance of needing a caesarian or assisted delivery just shoots up. It tends to be referred to as the "Cascade of Intervention" - basically when you start faffing with one thing it throws the whole process out of whack! For a lot of reasons I don't want interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Having read lots of studies etc. I feel a little more clued up now on the process and risks of various things. Hoping to have a chat with the midwife about it today, and go through a few concerns. Obviously I'm hoping to not need any of this at all, but a failure to prepare is preparing to fail!

This is probably all so dull for anyone not overdue with a baby - sorry!! I'm still confident that baby is fine, and will show up when they are ready. I just need to keep reminding myself that the body is incredible, and childbirth has been happening for a very long time. I need to not let my confidence waiver, and just focus on how exciting it all is. Easier said than done I'm afraid!

So I said this last time, but maybe next time I update I'll have a baby? Until then - clary sage, ball bouncing, lots of walking, and a bit of hoping!

With love and light xo

Videos

Since Instagram added the video feature I've been taking lots of little snippets of Alice, so thought I'd share some here! Here are some 15 second snapshots of my little duck!






With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 28 Months

Dear Alice,

You are now 28 months old, and you seem to have just got huge all of a sudden! I don't think you've physically grown a lot, but you just seem to have lost a lot of your babyness, and just become this beautiful little girl!

This month you are obsessed with singing, as always, but you've started making up your own songs to the tune of other songs and thinking they're hilarious! You sing pretty much from when you wake up, till when you go to sleep at night.

You are sleeping a little better / later in the morning. We bought a Gro Clock, and although I was initially sceptical it seems to have made a bit of a difference. You wake up in the morning, get yourself out of bed, then sit and play with your toys till the "sun comes up" on the clock. Obviously not all the time, but if it means I get to stay in bed till 7am a few mornings a week then I am happy!

You are really enjoying jigsaws at the moment, so I went to the carboot last week and bought you a few more. We do all of them every day, and you can do most of them pretty independently now. I am super impressed with how much better you are at jigsaws every time we do them - you really don't like to be helped!

You're memory has improved a lot too these past few months. We tell you something once and you seem to remember it for months - we saw Mick the plasterer again the other day, after you met him once months ago. You said "Oh it's Mick; he fixed Daddy's foot!" Then again this week, I took you to Berry Hill Park and you remembered that it's where we go hunting dragons, without me saying anything.

The memory that particularly impressed me this week was walking to mama's from our house. We picked you a flower and made no reference to it at all really, other than it was pretty. You looked at it, sniffed it, and declared it was lavender! How on earth you recognised it I have no idea but I was pretty gobsmacked.

You have been a bit of a toddler lately behaviour wise - you can go from absolutely adorable to monster child in the space of maybe 5 seconds! We've been working on the naughty step and various other things, but you're good most of the time. You're just 2!

We've been taking you swimming on the weekends as Mitch now gets it free with his gym membership. It is your absolute favourite thing to do in the world - you love the slides, the waves, splashing, and just have huge amounts of water confidence. You get better every time we go, and it's a pleasure to see you splashing around!

You now love speaking on the phone to daddy at work, and ask to ring him a couple of times a day. Your conversations are adorable to listen to, and you tell daddy all about your day. We also downloaded Skype and video chat on lunch time which is lovely, apart from when you kiss my screen and leave smudges everywhere.

Your sister is due any day now, which you will gladly tell to anyone who listens. How much of it you understand is another thing! Everything is ready for her, but I'm just milking these last few days just the 2 of us. You will always be my baby, even when you're my big girl.

With love and light xo

40+1

No babies yet. I was kind of thinking I wouldn't get to add any more pictures here, but at least I'm pretty sure I won't need another row! I was quite curious if she'd dropped any in the pictures but I don't think so - just gone outward a little more.

Officially 1 day overdue today, but I've always thought my due date was the 1st September anyway so not particularly climbing the walls yet, however after today I am all for Operation Shift Baby! Haven't tried any moving baby methods yet, other than cleaning and scrubbing floors today, but planning a curry and a walk tonight maybe; followed by lots of Clary Sage!


Packed, repacked and checked all my bags and home birth stuff today. Showed Mitchell where everything is and what everything's for. Doesn't feel particularly impending but then it never did with Alice either - not really had any pains or tightenings etc. other than killer back pain at the end of the days. If anything, I feel better this week than I have in weeks! Struggling a little to sleep but that's only down to me being the size of a small house.

Big thank you to my mum who has helped huge amounts over these past few weeks with having Alice and helping out, and another big thankyou to Mitch's family for having Alice and helping out! Would have certainly been struggling a lot more without everyone's help!

So, no news at the moment. Will try and write a quick post when things are happening!

With love and light xo

38+3 - Stick a fork in me!

For a while I didn't even think I'd have to put another row on the bump picture - I was super convinced I was going to be early as I just feel huuuuge! However here we are, 38 and a bit weeks and not a twinge in sight. Obviously baby girl is quite happy in there, and far be it from me to tell her what to do!

Midwife today and baby is happy and healthy still. Still measuring a few cm large for dates but it's calmed down loads, and since the growth scan they're quite happy I'm not going to birth a 19lb baby. Heart and blood pressure all okay, and I've been booked in again for 2 weeks when I will officially be 3 days overdue. I'm not going to lie - I'm kind of hoping I don't end up attending that appointment!


I had another GTT a few weeks ago as they, yet again, suspected gestational diabetes due to glucose in urine. The GTT was no fun - could eat at 6am but then not till after 4pm and I was just feeling super sick and ratty. However, thankfully no diabetes, so still all on track for a normal birth, and hopefully a homebirth!

Everything is (hopefully) ready to go on the homebirth front now. I have a huge box of old towels and sheets; we have tried the birth pool; I have snacks for everyone involved; I've packed a bag with all mine and babies things in that I hopefully won't need; I have music; I've been listening to hypnobirth tracks; and generally reading all / any homebirth stories I can get my hands on.

This site has pretty much been my bible and I've spent countless 3am hours reading every midwife article, birth story, advice list and FAQ I can get! http://www.homebirth.org.uk/


Feel really positive about the birth at the moment. Had a lovely evening practicing with the pool and working through any little issues - e.g. which taps to use to fill, where to put it, lighting and tarps etc. It was so lovely to get in and took all the aches and pains out of my hips and legs - it's just ridiculously huge and felt completely like I was floating in all the lovely warm water. I know last time the water made a huge difference to labour pains and I'm really hoping to successfully birth in the pool again - I think it made a huge difference and would completely recommend it. 
I haven't written much about my reasons behind choosing a homebirth on here - partly because I don't want to sound like it's the right thing to do! It's what I want to do, but every woman should be given the right to choose whatever seems right for them. Birth is all about making informed choices, to hopefully be empowered by how incredible your body is. For me, there are lots of reasons I want to be at home. For others, there are lots of reasons they don't. If I end up in hospital I won't have "failed", but that doesn't mean I want to be there!
I'm really looking forward to being in my own space, with my own things, my own bath, and all my own creature comforts. Being able to make a drink or have a wander or potter about while in the early stages, without the big "is it time to go yet?!" rush of last time. I'm looking forward to feeling in control, being in my own environment, and on my terms. I'm looking forward to getting into my own bed when it's all done, with a tiny baby and no other ladies /babies in the room, and no doctors poking my baby at 6am for no reason! 
I'm mostly looking forward to all the midwives going home and leaving us to get to know our little girl, and us all getting to know each other as a family of 4!
Obviously I'm not looking forward to the pain of labour, but I feel ready now. I keep dreaming of labour, and every time I get so much as a mild cramp I think it may be something starting! Mitch and Kirsty have both guessed tomorrow, but Mitch has since retracted his guess and thinks I'll be weeks yet - rubbish! I'm getting uncomfortable and tired, and every day seem to be finding it a little harder. I will obviously miss being pregnant, but I'm ready now.
Have a guess here - chocolate based prize for the winner ;) http://bebepool.com/go/?a=lizz&view=list

Who knows - maybe the next time I update I'll have a baby?!

With love and light xo

36+3 - An update

Time for a bit of a pregnancy update I think! To put the picture above in perspective, here's last time at 36 weeks-ish!

So I am now 36 weeks, and physically getting to the "well ready" stage! Mitch is putting up with all my moaning, bless him, but it's starting to start to be a little frustrating in parts. I think baby has dropped a lot, looking at pics above, and because of that I'm having quite a lot of hip pain etc. Moving is becoming a little cumbersome, and I would say I've perhaps lost what little bit of elegance I ever had and gained a lovely waddle!

I'm sleeping okay-ish - waking up around half the time for a couple of hours in the night. I wake up, and it's just like my brain has been completely turned on and I am wide awake - normally from around 3 - 5.30ish? Then it hardly seems worth going back to sleep as Alice up anytime from 6! It seems to hit me at points throughout the day, and I could literally just sleep stood up some of the time.

She is kicking lots, and still doing lots of movements, which can get quite painful now depending on where I'm being punched! Always reassuring to feel / see though, and I'm sure will be missed.

In general, I'm super lucky and feel really blessed to be able to plod on. But some days I'm just counting down the hours till Mitch gets home and I can have a little lie down! I have found this pregnancy physically harder than Alice - I don't think it's any worse, I think I just get a lot less time to sit down, as I'm normally chasing round after a mental toddler.

I broke up from work on Friday, although had originally wanted to do a few more weeks but had to use up some annual leave. Feels strange to be part of the maternity leave lot again, but definitely less relaxing than maternity leave last time ;)

The midwife came to the house on Friday to go through everything birth plan / home birth wise which was really lovely. We went through all eventualities and practicalities - I had to order a few more things for the birth, including a torch and spare batteries! Still need to get a few more bits together for it and assemble them in a box all together. Mostly just a few more old towels and sheets etc. that I don't mind throwing. I have packed a little hospital bag but really hoping not to use it.

Having a go filling the birth pool on Thursday night to see how long it takes to fill and how easy it is to get to temperature. Will have a look at what way to best arrange furniture etc. and just run through the last few logistical bits for home birth. Also planning to jump in and have a go - would be rude not to surely!!

I need to get birth snacks / drinks for me, but apparently most importantly for the midwives and Mitch / my mum! I have informed everyone involved that I'm not putting a buffet on but apparently it's falling on deaf ears!! :P

Also need to jump back on the Hypnobirthing band wagon and start listening to the CDs again. I found some of the techniques really helped me stay focussed and in control last time, and it really can't do any harm! Got some Clary Sage aromatherapy oil, and a lovely lady from online has sent me some labour massage oil too.

Mentally feeling a little fed up today - keep having glucose in urine so have to go for yet another Glucose Tolerance Test on Thursday. It's a stupid fasting test, and I'm so used to snacking all the time at the moment as I can't really eat a whole meal. I'm sure the results will be negative again, and it's just such a long time to be sat in the hospital, starving, with naff all to do. Even though I'm sure it's nothing, I will worry all weekend about results, as Gestational Diabetes would mean no home birth, no water birth, lots of monitoring and medication etc. Not a path I want to go down at all.

Still, trying to stay positive and remember my body knows exactly what it's doing, and all will be okay.


Have set up the pushchair with a buggy board, and been practicing with the Moby wrap / Babyhawk and a teddy to make sure I have options for getting out the house when baby is here! Although very tempting just to hibernate, need to make sure we all get a little bit of fresh air. Alice currently unsure about buggy board, so hoping to take her out for a wander maybe before the littlest one shows up.

We keep talking about how her sister will be here soon and she keeps telling me her sister is asleep and when she is awake she will come out to play. She also wrapped a little present for the baby for me last night, and we keep talking about babies and breastfeeding. I'm trying my best to make sure she knows what's happening, but I guess we'll see soon!

37 weeks on Friday, so baby is classed as full term and is free to show up at any point from then on! If you haven't guessed already, please place your bets! - http://bebepool.com/go/admin/?a=lizz&view

With love and light xo