Dear Alice and Violet - 42 Months and 13 Months

Dear Alice,

You are now 42 months old. I had only just added that up and it’s a bit mental really. What did we do without you?

A few weeks ago you started nursery school every morning for 3 hours. The first few days you were absolutely fine but then had a bit of a melt down and had a week of pulling my leg and screaming and crying. It was very difficult to leave you and there were a few tears shed by everyone, but now it is your favourite place in the world!

You love spending time with Phoebe and Amelia at nursery. You’ve told me you don’t play with the boys as they pinch your nose. Fair enough!

You are so funny to talk to! Last week mama told you to just have a sit down for 5 mins, to which you responded “It’s not all about you you know mama.” You told me there was a “right palava” at nursery at snack time! You asked if we could do a "sophie" on the train. Turns out you meant selfie! Happy to oblige - see below!

At the weekend, Violet wasn’t very well so I took you to Wheelgate on the Sunday to get out for a few hours, just the 2 of us. It was so nice to spend time just with you and I must make more of an effort to. We go to ballet on a Saturday, but that’s just you and it was nice to spend some mummy-Alice time!

You want to play hide and seek all the time. This morning you informed me your name wasn’t Alice, and refused to respond to anything other than “Hidey Worm”.

It's getting closer to Halloween, which I think may be your favourite time of the year? You are a little obsessed with "spooky things" like witches and bats etc. Most mornings after breakfast you're allowed 10 minutes on the iPad while we clear up, and you always request spooky videos. At Wheelgate they had halloween things everywhere, and you insisted on having your picture taken with every single monster. Even though they were mostly the same!

We went to Rufford a few weeks ago, and it was a wartime / vintage weekend. Punch and Judy were there, which you completely loved. Apart from the fact you call it Punch and Julie. And it had Hitler in who you keep asking me about which is a little awkward!

You like to cuddle up in bed and hide every night before bathtime, and every time I try to cuddle you extra tight because you seem to be getting so big - physically and mentally. You can read letters, count to 100 with help, and you are just not even a toddler anymore. I'd like to keep you at this age forever please!

Dear Violet,

You are now 13 months old, and the squidgiest cutest little bundle in the entire world.

You aren’t walking yet, and I was so sure you would be soon! Mama is buying you your first shoes for your birthday and at this rate it will be Christmas! I just looked back through the blog and apparently Alice didn’t walk till 14 /15 months so you’re taking after your sister. You cruise round the house, and want to walk holding people’s hands constantly. You’ve taken a few odd steps, but don’t seem super bothered.

Talking-wise you're still saying "t" for ta, "b" for ball, but my fave is "row row" and then you rock backwards and forwards, then scream for the crocodile! It is literally the most adorable thing in the entire world.

I’m really struggling being at work and leaving you so much, well both of you. I feel like I don’t get the time to spend with my little baby who won’t be a baby for much longer, and that’s difficult.

You’ve been full of cold for the past few days, and really unhappy and off your food. You spent all Saturday curled up on the sofa with me in and out of sleep. I think part of it is the cold, and the other part is that you’re cutting 6 teeth at the same time. It’s hard because I’m so used to seeing you eat more than Alice, and to see you refusing food and crying is just so out of character for you.

Both of you are absolutely lovely! Just wishing at the moment I could spend more time with the both of you. I feel like I'm never going to regret being skint, but every day I regret being away from my little ones.

 With love and light xo

30+2 - Bit of an update

Bit of an all over update as lots of little bits and pieces going off here!

We had an Alice free day today so have been blitzing lots of jobs in preparation for the arrival of new small child. Today I sorted through all the newborn / 0-3 clothes, stuff we've been given, and bits I picked up from eBay / Facebook. Finally feel much more organised in that respect although it took a lot longer than anticipated - primarily due to my OCD making me create drawer dividers!

We painted the alcoves in the bedroom and gave those a couple of coats, and the chimney breast is being wallpapered at some point in the next month or so. Still have lots of bits to do in her room but feeling much better about the state of it - pictures bought and need putting up, and I want to make a collage-y picture like one of these - http://pinterest.com/evenstarx/nursery-art/. Curtains up too, and black out blind here and ready for hanging.

Took the cot down in Alice's room today and sorted her big girl bed out. We are currently 40 minutes in to the first night and so far so good! I am envisioning a few wake ups but it needs doing, I just really can't be bothered - she sleeps so well in her cot and I would quite happily leave her in it for the next 20 years if it means she sleeps!

Still set on the name. Slightly concerned that someone famous is going to use it first as we literally have no other names. Relieved to see that the Kim / Kanye baby is called North.

Getting much bigger, and a bit more back/hip pain. Partly due to being stubborn and not wanting to slow down, partly due to chasing a small mental toddler round, partly due to my body failing me and feeling about 80! I'm at the midwife tomorrow so hoping that baby has spun a little and is pointing the right direction, but I'm not convinced and I'm pretty sure she's still sideways. Loads of time yet though.

Also had the results back from last weeks GTT and all okay - no diabetes. Winner. Pass me back the cake please.

This all seems to be absolutely flying this time. I would be quite happy to be pregnant for another 9 months if it means I get more time on my own with my special Alice. Even if it does mean I hobble round in the evenings!

However that doesn't mean I'm not excited, just can't imagine how 30 weeks has gone so quickly!

With love and light xo

24+4 - Pregnancy Update

Just a brief pregnancy update as I realised I've not written anything for a while!

We have finally picked a name, which turned out to be easy after months of it being a sore subject! We couldn't agree on anything at all - I loved (love!) Matilda, but Mitch didn't like it no matter how much I brought it up. We both liked Beatrice / Beatrix but it never seemed 100% right. I woke up one morning with a name in my head that I hadn't even thought about before, rung Mitch, and we both loved it. Perfect. I think it was partly that he was fed up of picking names, but I'm 100% happy with what we've chosen!

I am very round. However at least I don't look fat anymore, just very pregnant! I am already starting to struggle a bit with rolling over at night and moving a little, and having the 4am wake ups where I get stuck a bit like a whale. I have currently found an elaborate 300 pillow wedging system that seems to be working for the most part, and I am extremely thankful for the super king size bed!

However, (touch wood) I seem to be having a pretty awesome pregnancy so far! No sickness anymore, the bug from last month has vanished, and I feel pretty great. Tired from chasing after a small Tasmanian devil, but I think that's just a tiring occupation!

The movements I'm feeling now are much more than little pops - they are huge kicks and wiggles that can be seen / felt from the outside. Feeling these now just shows me how much less I felt Alice with her anterior placenta (placenta at front). I think this time I'd only just started feeling her kick, whereas now I'm already partly recreating scenes from Alien. Mostly, I love being reminded of her. However not so much at 4am when it's party time all up in my ribs!

We have emptied the spare room in preparation for starting to get all the baby things out the attic over the next few weeks / months. I've kind of planned a few little decoration-y bits, but I know it's not super important as she will probably end up in bed with us permanently attached to me for about the first year. (I'm finding this part the hardest to be enthusiastic about!). Still, it would be nice for her to have a pretty room, and I'll put pictures up as / when we get to making it look nice.

We've left the double bed up in her room as a spare room / Mitch needs to get some sleep room - which will be loads nicer than last time we had a newborn baby in the tiny flat!

Not really bought anything or done anything - feel a bit unprepared, but I know we have everything from Alice still in the attic so there's not really a lot we need! It does make me a bit sad that I haven't been able to get all excited about buying tiny person things, but I don't want to spend money for the sake of it. I'll need to buy a few warmer outfits for her to see us through the winter, but I'll wait till she arrives and see what size she is.

Having a name and feeling her move makes it a little more real, but it still feels like something super far away in the distance. I don't remember how I felt with Alice - did having more time to think about it make it more absolute? At the moment it's just a distant idea in the back of my head most of the time! Is that awful?

I know that I obviously love her, and will love her so much, but right now I'm so terrified as to how I could love anyone as much as I love Alice! How do you split yourself in 2?

With love and light xo

36+4 - Nursery photos (ish!)

With love and light xo

27+1 - Best / Worst - Second Trimester

Okay, so following on from my previous entry (here!) where I talked about the best / worst things about the first trimester, here are my favourite and least favourite things about the second trimester!

The Best Things

1. Energy. Getting some energy back has been fantastic! I must stress that it's only a little bit of energy, I'm not bouncing round the house everyday, but it's been a lot better than the first trimester where I wanted to curl up and sleep constantly. I think this might be on the downturn now though...

2. It's not a secret! People feeling like they can talk to you about the baby / ask you about pregnancy is amazing, I really hated not being able to talk about it for the first 12 weeks and I just love talking about babies to anyone and everyone! Having a noticeable bump also leads to lots of lovely random conversations.

3. Movement. This is probably the best thing, as starting to feel the baby move was a huge step for me and didn't happen till about 22 weeks because of the anterior placenta. Very reassuring, always makes me smile - even when it's 3am and I'm trying to sleep! Again something that the novelty apparently wears off soon...

4. No morning sickness! Although I was still sicky in the mornings till about 18 weeks, it definitely lessened after about 15 and now it's quite rare I feel sick / am sick. I mentioned in the other best / worst, but I really really hate being sick. I feel so much sympathy for the people who are sick all through their pregnancies.

5. Gender. And beautiful 3D / 2D scan pictures. Obviously finding out cupcake was doing okay was a priority for our 20 week scan, but finding out that she was a girl was just incredible. We didn't get great pictures from our 20 week scan, but I'm over the moon with our 3D pictures and video - it was an incredible experience and I'm so so glad we went!

6. Pram / nursery. Getting these things sorted was a huge weight off my mind, and also made both of us much more excited. I love our little baby room, and our beautiful space rocket pram!

7. Names. Deciding on a name for our beautiful little girl was definitely a highlight. Just can't wait to share it with everyone :)

The Worst Things

1. Sleep. Although I said I had much more energy, I'm certainly starting to struggle to sleep, and waking up every hour or so because I've rolled onto my front or back. Lying on my front is obviously impossible, and lying on my back makes me feel sick. This has been helped greatly with the purchase of a huuuge 5ft pillow off eBay which I can wrap myself around. I think Mitch may feel a little threatened by my new cuddle replacement!

2. Pain. The beginnings of back / hip pain are certainly coming into force now, but only over these last few weeks. The back pain is pretty dire, and I've took a cushion to work to help. A Hello Kitty cushion no less!

3. Fat! That middle bit where you just look a bit fat is a bit rubbish, as no-one wants to ask you if you're pregnant, you're too big for normal clothes but too small for maternity clothes, and you just look like you've eaten all the pies! Rest assured, I now look preggerz.

4. Waiting. Feeling a bit like nothing exciting is happening and haven't you already been pregnant for about 10 years already? You're just stuck in the middle, and it's been aaaages since you found out, but you're not having a baby for approximately 25 years right?

There are so many more good things than bad things, but I really wanted to try and paint a fair picture! I've had a bit of sickness and grossness this trimester, but I've not had to go to hospital again, baby is doing super well, and we have a name for our lovely little girl. We are so incredibly lucky.

With love and light xo

24+4 - Shopping times

Hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and got everything they wished for! We all got completely spoiled (Mitch, Cupcake and Me!) but me especially - I must have been a very good girl this year! I couldn't even begin to list all the beautiful presents I got; I'm still completely overwhelmed by everyones generosity and kindness. I will take a few pictures of some of the lovely things Cupcake got for Christmas, and hopefully try and post those over the next few days.

I'm also aware that I'm due a bump picture which I'm going to try and take tomorrow (better late than never right?), but I'm pretty convinced that the majority of my bump is now turkey based, so shouldn't be judged too harshly. I have eaten so much lovely food these past few days, and it doesn't really show any signs of stopping over the next few days. Buffets, meals and family gatherings seem to be the order for this week, which is lovely, but I'm also shattered! Not sleeping particularly well - I'm just going to put that down to constantly being excited about something.

Today was a hugely exciting day as we went proper shopping! It started off with a 9am IKEA visit involving free bacon cobs, and ended with collapsing in the bath at about 5pm with very achey feet. Still, the visit proved hugely successful, as we have ordered / bought -

1. The drawers for the nursery from IKEA, ready to be put up tomorrow. Cheap and cheerful, and match the wardrobes already in the spare room. (Link)

2. A few things from the Sleepy Owl range at Dunelm Mill, for decoration and cuteness! (Link)

3. A cot! This should hopefully come early next week when Mitch is still off work, so may even be put up next week too! I'm reeeeally excited that this may be put up soon, and really like the cot we've ended up getting - plain white and simple but seems really chunky and practical. Thank you mum and dad! (Link)

4. Kind of cheating as it was last night we ordered this, but the car seat. I wasn't going to get an expensive car seat - just an Argos branded one, however this on sale last night for about half price so we ordered it. Back to full price this morning! (Link)

So I feel much more organised than previously. Mitch is making the ultimate sacrifice and unboxing his DVDs (temporarily!) to put into folders to make room for baby stuff. This is where I wish we had more room, but we don't, so not a lot of point wishing really! That should mean we can have a shuffle round with furniture and decide what can go where. This, along with the fact my dad is coming to do some shelving tomorrow, should mean I can start organising baby things as and when we get them. How exciting!

Anyway, I intended for this just to be a short update as Mitch is asleep, but you might be able to tell I'm quite excited today :). Little one has still been kicking away a little - still not consistently but I'm attributing that to the anterior placenta still. Seeing midwife again on Thursday so looking forward to that, then it's down to going every 3 weeks!

Big Congratulations to someone who received some very good news over the last few days, and a belated Happy Christmas to everyone else.

With love and light xo

21+2 - Christmas

Today has been quite productive, and quite Christmas-y! I put our lovely little tree up, cleaned / tidied etc., baked jam tarts, wrapped tons of presents annnnd watched lots of Christmas music countdowns. Finally beginning to feel a little more festive, which is a relief - I was worried for a while1 Also ordered a big batch of presents online, so we're down to just a few people left to buy for, making me feel a little more organised - my spreadsheet was very pleased!

Nothing to report in the land of cupcake, keep thinking I've maybe felt something but kind of given up all hope! As long as she's okay in there than everything's okay with me. Feel like I'm having an easier time of things lately (am I going to regret writing this?!), as my appetite is fine, my aches and pains are minimal, I'm less lethargic, and generally feeling good!

Having a few ideas for nursery decoration / themes etc. as Mitch wanted to get some ideas together. We didn't want anything too girly, too pink, or too bleurgh (?!), so we've been throwing a few ideas around, and loving the idea of an Owl and the Pussycat theme! Mainly because I love the poem, and we both love owls and cats! Found some really cute wall decals with trees / owls / kitties / moons, and found some super cheap owl bedding that we're going to look at over Christmas, but we may be onto a winner! I'll post more pictures with inspiration soon. Opinions?

Finally, today is Chloe's birthday, so a biiiiiig Happy Birthday to her!

With love and light xo

13+3 - Bump Photo

Got my SLR back last night so thought I'd take some pictures of cupcake! I've had a couple of people comment on my "bump" this week but I honestly think I'm just a little tubby! However having compared it to the other picture I can see a bit of a change...

Had a bit of a panic this morning after a little bleeding, but called the emergency midwife who just told me to take it easy. Seems to all be okay now so fingers crossed cupcake was just being silly!

Felt generally okay this week, it's been great to not be feeling sick all the time! I've even managed to eat every day. Hopefully I'm out of the sickness for a little while.

Went baby shopping yesterday and I was very happy to show restraint and not buy anything! Got a bit more of an idea of things that were available etc., but some things just seem so ridiculously expensive! I wouldn't spent £150 on bedding for myself, so how could I do that for a baby?! Been reading a few design blogs for inspiration and I may attempt to make a few bits and pieces. I'd quite like to make a little quilt but my sewing skills may let me down! Also fell in love with the cute nursery decals (like wall sticker things) on etsy.com. We will see!

Looked at prams a little but they were all so confusing! What do you get in the price? What do you pay extra for? What kind? What do we need?! Argh! Will look after Christmas I think...

All in all, we're doing quite well here :). Going to make the blog public soon so trying not to be too boring, but looking forward to reading this back one day!

With love and light xo