19+1

I know I've been a little slack in posting, but I've hit a bit of a wall this week. By the time I get home from work I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping forever, and the last thing I want to do is sit and write. Still, I'm determined to keep this up! Speaking of sleep, I'm having this weird sleep where I wake up - wide awake - every 30 minutes. Very frustrating as feels like I haven't slept at all, but having incredibly vivid dreams.

I've added a poll to the top right of the blog, so please vote! I'm keeping a poll at work also, and I'll reveal the final votes just before my scan - hopefully revealing the true gender at about 10am on Thursday! 5 days :)

Been shopping into Derby today. Saw lots more lovely baby clothes (obviously!), but put all buying on hiatus till after the scan now. Mitch is treating me to a little shopping trip to Nottingham next weekend, for Christmas presents, baby stuff, and maybe a Cookie Shake! Hoping to be able to buy my first little outfit for cupcake, as I've been very good and haven't bought anything yet. I have no idea how I have resisted this urge!

I don't really have a lot to say! I'm still unable to feel cupcake unfortunately, but we've listen to him / her kicking away for the past few nights. The kicks sound so strong, but just not been able to feel them :(. Or my head keeps playing tricks on me, and I keep thinking I have, but I'm not sure.

5 days till the scan! This has me both incredibly excited, and quite scared. Really looking forward to being able to see cupcake again though, it cannot possibly come round soon enough!

With love and light xo

17+5 - Dying to feel!

Haven't updated in nearly a week, but can't really think of a lot to say! I guess just a bit of an update on how I'm feeling?

Been feeling much better these past few days, despite being sick this morning (eww!). I forced myself to have some breakfast and it obviously just didn't agree with me! But other than that I mostly have my appetite back, and in the day I seem to be an eating machine. Trying super hard to eat healthily as I don't want to become the size of a house! I've currently put on about 6lbs, but trying to only weigh myself once a week.

Still having incredibly vivid dreams about cupcake - almost every evening I dream about things happening in the pregnancy, or finding out the sex. But for some reason, I'm only ever pregnant in my dreams, I don't have a baby! Maybe I'll move onto that towards the end...

Went to the midwife last week, and ended up waiting for about 50 minutes as my midwife is sick, but saw 2 lovely midwives instead. I was only in there quite briefly, but they covered a few main points, including the fact all my test results seemed okay! They listened to cupcakes heartbeat and you could hear kicking and movement, but I still haven't felt anything. Dying to feel something! Anything!

I've been lying in bed / in the bath trying to concentrate on feeling movements but it's just not happening. Still, it's not meant to be till 18 - 20 weeks anyway, was just trying hard to feel! I think that will really make thing seem more real, and be a big relief.

Also, only 2 weeks and 2 days till my next (and last) scan! Not like I'm counting or anything...!

Has anyone got any questions? I feel like I'm running out of stuff to say :)

With love and light xo

11+4 - Dreams

I’m so fed up of these horrible dreams! Last night I repeatedly dreamed that I / my baby was killed or taken away in a ridiculous way. Last night involved vampires, werewolves, killer cats, and just average thugs. Stupid overactive imagination.

Mitch was climbing last night so I had a PJ, blanket and Project Runway night – bliss! Ended up with two cats curled up on me which never fails to be ridiculously cute. Bedtime was about 9pm. I am such a loser.

Still feeling sick. Still struggling to eat. Blergh! Please hurry up 2nd trimester where I can eat at all times of the day *fingers crossed*.

Nothing else to report. 4 days till scan.

With love and light xo

9+4 - Worry!

So today I’ve woken up, and I don’t feel sick. I managed to eat a whole bowl of cereal without gagging. I managed to scrape things into the bin without gagging. I drove all the way to work without having to pull over. I thought I’d be celebrating, but instead I can’t stop convincing myself something’s wrong! I just want to have my scan and be reassured that everything’s okay. I don’t want to worry so much!

Watched “Cherry Has A Baby” last night and ended up crying several times! There was an amazing lady having a waterbirth using hypnobirthing techniques and she just had such a calm and relaxed birth. After a bit of research, I think it’s something I’d really like to look into, after realising it’s not really about the kind of hypnosis I imagined! I also think I’d really like to have a water birth – it’s something I need to look into at the hospital and see whether it’s something I could have there or at home.

One of the first lines from the show was “My name’s Cherry, and I got pregnant on the coil.” This seems to be everywhere now! I did a little more research last night, but my theory is that obviously people aren’t going to write about their coil working perfectly, so the results on the internet are rather skewed to reflect coil failure.

Had another deep sleep last night with crazy dreams – they seem to be much clearer than ever before. Last night was spiders and witches and holes in the ground! Spent some time reading through the baby names app on my phone before I went to bed and another name jumped out at me, but still have to run it past M. I have a feeling that he’ll hate it but I dreamed about it all night. I’m trying not to think about names till 20 weeks but it’s so difficult! I end up reading names on all the titles of TV shows and running them all through my mind. So far I like a grand total of 0 boys names, and a small handfull of girls names.

Finding writing in the blog very theraputic, so will hopefully carry on doing this. I don't know how much time I'll get when work kicks back in but we will see!

With love and light xo