I feel like I could just write - still pregnant. But, I'm trying to write things down as I know how quickly it all disappears from memory when baby gets here. Which will be soon hopefully?
I'm going to be honest - every day I go overdue it almost seems further away! Like having a baby is this weird metaphorical thing that might happen at some point in the future?
I've had a few evenings where I've felt a little optimistic about baby coming, with cramps / pains and a few Braxton Hicks: so I keep trying to go to bed and get some sleep and hope that I'll be woken in the early hours to something happening. It's the constant "what if?" that's exhausting. I wake up every hour in the night checking if my waters have broken, or if something is happening. I keep trying to make sure that at any given time I'm fed and the house is clean and I'm not shattered, just so I can cope with the labour to the best of my ability. It's a strange feeling of limbo - I don't want to plan too far ahead and I'm trying to take each day as it comes, but for a serial planner / organiser like me that's incredibly difficult!
If someone told me I'd be another week then that's fine, I could deal with that. But it's the constant apprehension and waiting that I'm finding difficult. I know I should just be enjoying the last few days of being pregnant, but I'm anxious and nervous and just want to crack on now! However I am enjoying the last few days of just Alice and mummy snuggles, and it's been nice to have these few days of sunshine to play with.
I had a sweep on Monday which was painful but not unbearable, and was 2cm dilated. I got a little excited after, thinking something might happen, but it was a huge anticlimax. I've got another booked today for 3.30, so hopefully she'll be able to tell me if there's been any progression at all - not that it means anything really!
I couldn't sleep last night for fretting about induction, so I decided to face it head on and did a couple of hours research on the pro's and con's of various things. (For anyone interested - NICE guidelines are always incredibly awesome, as is Homebirth.org.uk, the NHS website and the Royal College of Midwives)
I've already discussed with the midwife that I want to wait until 40+14 (2 weeks overdue) rather than 40+12, to give the baby as much chance as possible to come on their own. I'm feeling quite negative about induction and it's definitely something I want to avoid, so I'm glad to have an extra couple of days to allow my body to do it's thing.
It's not that I want to be pregnant an extra few days, it's just that the likelihood of needing intervention increases just such huge amounts when induction is used, and the chance of needing a caesarian or assisted delivery just shoots up. It tends to be referred to as the "Cascade of Intervention" - basically when you start faffing with one thing it throws the whole process out of whack! For a lot of reasons I don't want interventions unless absolutely necessary.
Having read lots of studies etc. I feel a little more clued up now on the process and risks of various things. Hoping to have a chat with the midwife about it today, and go through a few concerns. Obviously I'm hoping to not need any of this at all, but a failure to prepare is preparing to fail!
This is probably all so dull for anyone not overdue with a baby - sorry!! I'm still confident that baby is fine, and will show up when they are ready. I just need to keep reminding myself that the body is incredible, and childbirth has been happening for a very long time. I need to not let my confidence waiver, and just focus on how exciting it all is. Easier said than done I'm afraid!
So I said this last time, but maybe next time I update I'll have a baby? Until then - clary sage, ball bouncing, lots of walking, and a bit of hoping!
With love and light xo
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