Alice's First Birthday

I never really updated about Alice's first birthday, so here's a quick one.

We had a brilliant day, and her birthday fell on the Grand National day. We always have a bit of a family get together for the race, so I just took a cake along to that! My Auntie kindly let us take over her house, and it was just lovely.

Alice obviously didn't have a clue what was going on, but she had fun opening her presents and eating food - what more could you ask for?

A few pictures -

















With love and light xo

Cbeebies Card

I need to update properly about Alice's birthday, but just wanted to add a few pictures of the AMAZING birthday card I sent into Cbeebies that they never even showed - thus breaking both mine and Alice's hearts. They also showed some proper rubbish cards, rubbing salt into the proverbial wound!




I've given up and I'm never doing it again. I thought the card was amazing and it took me approximately forever.

However, we did have a fabulous birthday and Alice enjoyed every second. I have tons of pictures which I'll add later when I'm perhaps a bit less bitter and twisted!!

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 1 Year

Dear Alice,

Today is your birthday! You are 1 year old – when did that happen?

This past week or so you have started standing a little on your own – unfortunately not yet long enough for me to take a picture! You only seem to do it by accident, but I don’t think it will be long till you’re standing much more.

You are talking away a lot more, and will quite happily sit and jabber to yourself! I don’t quite know what you’re trying to say but you’re very insistent.

You also point at things you want, and get very frustrated if they aren’t passed to you right that second!

You have the most brilliant little laughs and giggles, however you seem to do them whenever you’re being told off or doing something naughty! You also love to spray your yoghurt everywhere or blow raspberries all the time.

We still only have just the 2 little bottom teeth, but that doesn’t seem to stop you eating and chewing away – they are very sharp! I keep trying to check for some more teeth but you love to bite my fingers!

You have been off your food all this week, which is really hard. You normally love all food and you’ve just been picking and choosing tiny bits. Hopefully you’ll be back to your normal self soon. However this month you’ve still enjoyed blueberries and grapes.

I hope you have a brilliant day – we have loved the past year of having you in our lives, and can’t wait to see how you change and grow in birthdays to come.

With love and light xo

1 Year Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is Alice’s birthday, so it has been an entire year she has been in our life. I’m trying to think back to how I felt / what I thought this time last year. I’ve been reading through a few blog entries, and looking through pictures to try and remember, but I can’t seem to capture it.

Obviously a mixture of scared and excited and nervous, but it just seems like a complete another life ago. I can’t capture my feelings there, because I almost see myself as another person. I’d say that I just can’t believe how much our lives have changed, but in reality, I can’t believe how much I have changed.

Sometimes I just can’t quite believe how incredibly lucky we are. Alice is a brilliant and beautiful little girl, who every day becomes more curious about the world surrounding her. I can’t wait to watch her grow and learn, and be there for her.

Yet part of me is more scared than I’ve ever been. I almost feel like this is where the real parenting starts. Before now, we’ve been pretty much concentrating on keeping her alive. How am I going to cope with tantrums and discipline? How am I going to teach her things I barely know? How can I help her grow, yet encourage her independence?

I want what every parent wants – a child who is happy and well loved. Yet I know I’m supposed to be her guide and her facilitator, but also her friend and her parent, and at times, her enemy. How are all these roles balanced? And when Alice eventually grows and develops into an adult – how do you sit back at the end of the day and feel confident that you did a good job?

I want so many things for her, and I’m terrified of failing. I know than in reality there is no outright failure, but that I am going to make bad decisions and make wrong choices. And obviously so will Alice. But it’s how we both deal with these failures that really makes the difference.

In reality – this thought terrifies me more than the idea of birth and having a baby. I now have a lovely little child, who I am responsible for. For me, it feels like parenting is only just beginning.

But, we’ve gotten through the first year! We have had an incredible year, and here’s to many more.

I really hope to be able to carry on blogging for a while - as for me it's quite cathartic both writing and re-reading some of these entries. Especially with another exciting year coming up, including my wedding in 64 days...!

With love and light xo

Alice Blowing Raspberries

Dear Alice - 11 Months

Dear Alice,

This month you are 11 months old. When did that happen?!

I seemed to curse myself last time I wrote this, as I said you were sleeping through. Since then you have been waking up once a night at 2am, which is manageable but frustrating!

You have started feeding yourself with a spoon which is quite a messy business! You are also loving blueberries and would quite happily eat a punnet every day.

You had your first go in a paddling pool and your first ice lolly in the sunshine. You loved both and had a lovely splash! You also had your first go on a swing and you were a bit unsure to start with, but ended up loving it. Obviously penguin came too.

You've started dancing to music all the time - you have better moves than me. Not difficult.

We went away to Filey for the weekend and had a lovely little break with just the 3 of us. We went swimming, played games, and just chilled out. You took me to Bridlington for Mother's Day where we had donuts on the seafront. It was a brilliant weekend away and we all got chance to relax a little.

This month I also started back at work, which is sad for so so many reasons. I'm only going back 2 days a week but it is still hard. I would love to win the lottery and look after you every day, but you are having the best time with your 2 grandmas (or should I say nanny and mama!). I just know how lucky how I am to be able to go back part time, and that you have childcare I can trust.

We have also had your first recognisable words - we've had lots of sounds before but I would say these are definite words. We have "dat" for cat, and "t" for thankyou / ta. I also think you're understanding a lot more than you're saying - you put your arms up for a hug and definitely understand "no" but you choose to ignore it!

We love you more than anything in the world,

With love and light xo

February Photo A Day

My life lately according to my iPhone! Follow me on Instagram @evenstarx :)



1. Your View Today 2. Words

3. Hands 4. A Stranger

5. 10am 6. Dinner

7. Button 8. Sun

9. Front Door 10. Self Portrait


11. Makes You Happy 12. Inside Your Closet


13. Blue 14. Heart


15. Phone 16. Something New


17. Time 18. Drink


19. Something You Hate To Do 20. Handwriting


21. A Fave Photo of You 22. Where You Work


23. Your Shoes 24. Inside Your Bathroom Cabinet


25. Green 26. Night


27. Something You Ate 28. Money


29. Something You're Listening To

With love and light xo

Dear Alice - 10 Months

Dear Alice,

This month you are 10 months old!

You have literally just started to cut your first two teeth. They are little but definitely there, and very sharp. You have been a little grizzly but mostly a trooper with it really.

You are so big! You were weighed last week and you were 20lb 6oz. You are both heavy and long for your age and have had to change into your 12-18 month clothes already.

Your sleep is getting better, both in the day and at night. You are taking a long morning nap of about 1.5 hours, and a little afternoon nap of about 45 minutes. This past few weeks you have also started sleeping through at night. This is a miracle! I am not holding my breath that this will last but it's absolutely lovely. (I started writing this last night and just to prove a point you were awake lots last night!)

We went on a holiday to Pickering with lots of family. We took you to the sea life centre and you loved looking at all the lights and trying to touch the fish through the glass. I think you're favourites were the rays and the penguins.

Your walking and pulling up is getting a lot better - you can walk aslong as you're holding on to your little cart with one hand, and you can pull yourself up with no help at all. We've had lots more tumbles because of this!

You're copying everything we do, and it's amazing to see the little cogs ticking away in your head. You'll copy someone blowing on your spoon, or putting blocks away, or banging on your drum.

You're also copying noises but you still don't quite understand what you're saying. Amelia kept saying "duck" when we were on holiday and you've now inherited the word but only because you like the sound!

You also enjoy games much more, and you can play peekaboo with a cloth on your own. You get very frustrated if I stop playing games with you and keep giving me the toy back so we can carry on!

We love you lots and lots :)

With love and light xo

Milk Weaning - The Story So Far...

The past few weeks we have been part weaning from breastfeeding. I've been trying to avoid writing about this for many reasons.

I guess the main one is the "I told you so's." There are always people who think you should have done this months ago. There are also people who think you should never do it and let babies wean when they're ready. I think every baby is different, and I think every way is hard. This has been working for us so far.

The other reason is that I don't want to sound like I know what I'm doing! I don't - simple. It's easy to come across as preachy - "this is the way to do it". This is only one way of doing it and definitely not the right way - just a way!

Anyway - with that out the way - this is what we've been doing.

I've been dreading returning to work. For all the obvious reasons related to leaving Alice, but also because she was incredibly dependent on me.

We were still feeding to sleep for all naps. Alice was still breastfeeding 5 times a day, plus once in the night (we only got that down from twice a month or so ago). However this was fine by me - I was in no rush to tackle it and we were happy. I'm pretty much happy to plod along with the whole attachment parenting train, and I loved most of it. (Bits I didn't love included no sleep!)

So I decided it was time to adapt it a little. We've been kind of loosely using the No Cry Sleep Solution, mixed with a lot of Dr. Sears, and a bit of Lizz is just making this shit up. It seems to be working for us!

I started off with the 10am nap. I know Alice didn't NEED milk then, just kinda wanted it, so I started trying to rock her down to sleep. This started off as a nightmare, then got easier. I count to keep my sanity and know that I've not been up there forever!

After about a week of this I attempted the afternoon nap. This is the least successful - Alice hates afternoon naps! Same again - trying to rock to sleep. This is still a work in progress and can be a bit hit or miss.

So at this point I'm 2 weeks in and have managed to drop all feeds between 9 and 5 - hurrah! I'm feeling better about returning to work, and everyone's happy! I could stop here and be happy. She is getting much better at getting herself to sleep - probably 50% of the time she manages it.

However - I'm all about following Alice. And the past 3 days - she's dropped her 5pm breastfeed too. Andddd has been sleeping through. This is like a pure miracle. Literally I could weep.

I'm not expecting this to continue forever, but at the moment we're down to 2 feeds a day. Both milk feeds have been replaced by snack times instead. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Breastfeeding is hard. No-one tells you how hard it is. Or time consuming. Or isolating at times. However - future Lizz remember this - it gets better!!

With love and light xo