So yeah, I might have forgotten to update in nearlly a month again. And completely missed out Alice’s 13 month update. I'm sure I'll get round to that at some point. Well I’m now and that’s what matters right?
In truth we’ve been really busy with what seems like a million and one things, including the fact I’m getting married in 16 days! How crazy is that? I feel completely under prepared but I’m just trying not to worry about anything – as long as we get married everything will be ok. Someone tell me this is true?!
I'm also trying not to be a complete "bridezilla". I'd never even heard the phrase before, and to be fair, it seems a little sexist. It seems to me that the groom is expected to do sweet FA while the bride frets over what colour ribbon for the bouquets, and where Aunt Gwen is going to sit. Yes I'm worried about stuff, and yes I'm nervous that everything is going to go wrong, and yes I'm probably going to snap at someone before the end of it! But does that make me a horrible person? Or just someone planning a party with no prior knowledge of anything!
I haven’t really spoken a lot about the wedding on here, partly because it’s not that interesting to most people I’m sure. But partly out of embarrassment – what if I write about how amazing it’s going to be and then it’s rubbish? Or no-one comes? Or all my origami birds get squished? (Seriously – I wake up at 3am thinking about origami and AA batteries. Loser.)
I think part of my issue is the fact I’ve spent too much time on amazing wedding websites (apracticalwedding.com, rocknrollbride.com, offbeatbride.com) and I'm constantly comparing myself to them. I'm not indie enough, or handmade enough, or geeky enough, or beautiful enough. But then I can't compare our day to the traditional wedding websites or magazines, because I'm not traditional enough, or formal enough, or what it really comes down to - rich enough!
Our day is completely different to how I imagined it, partly because I never realised just how expensive weddings were, and are expected to be. At the beginning of planning I sat down and contacted about 30 places I wouldn't have minded getting married. And as the replies started to seep in, I remember being completely and utterly overwhelmed and shocked at the expense of it all. I kissed goodbye to my dream of a forest, or a lake, or any of the images I had in my head! I'd pictured beautiful trees and great food, with an elegant (albeit slightly LoTR) twist! But where had I got these images from?
The media portrays weddings as being a huge affair, but we just don't have the funds for this. The AVERAGE cost for a wedding in the UK is approximately £20,000 - and that is really just the average. We have gone absolutely nowhere near this cost, and still I find myself stressing about the finances behind weddings.
Plus it doesn't help that I have literally NEVER been to a wedding so I haven't got a clue about anything!
But, we've prioritised things that are important for us. I would rather have more people there, and a simpler (cheaper!) wedding, as I can't imagine having to narrow down just who "deserved" to be there. I would rather have a simple wedding, and not be in debt, and still be able to provide lots of things for Alice. I would rather be able to move house (a story for another post!), than have a massive wedding.
And that's what I have to keep reminding myself. This was our choice. That doesn't mean I haven't had a bit of a sob about the lack of ponies dressed as unicorns and 11 year olds playing the harp while doing the trapeze, but our wedding will still be amazing. I hope.
Anyway, as long as I look awesome - what else really matters?!
With love and light xo
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